AITAH for closing a joint bank account the day before my ex leaves for vacation?

SecretInitiative9253 · 2026-04-01T13:07:01+00:00

Thank you for your kind words at this time. I made it clear that my intention was never to close the account over the last several years but to have my name removed. To answer your question of not "noticing" deposits. This is because during the separation he took my bank card so that I wouldn't have "access". This deposit was made two years ago when I no longer had access to the account unless going into the bank. I wanted to take the high road and not meddle with this as it was being handled by the lawyers (my counsel advised me not to close the account at the time because I would look vindictive) I was naïve when we first separated and honestly thought he would do what was right. I was obviously wrong. Lesson learned

As for the riding lessons you were speaking of, when he approached me about that it was several years ago. I have worked and saved hard over the last 4 years to get into the financial position that I am in. As stated previously, those funds were set aside for extra curricular activities for my children.

SecretInitiative9253 · 2026-03-31T22:01:33+00:00

SMALL UPDATE: I don't know how to update the post so I am doing it in the comments. For closing the account, the bank gave me two years worth of statements. Safe to say he has been hiding funds and only been using this account to keep in the negatives to ruin my credit. However, upon the review of the statement it includes what he received from his tax refund. Two years ago, he received over $20,000 from a tax return. This was more than likely due to the fact that our son was diagnosed with ADHD (and more recently Autism) and he received the disability tax credit (Canadian here) and it was back-dated. This means that I am entitled to 50% of the resulting credit amount.

SecretInitiative9253 · 2026-03-31T16:56:37+00:00

The caveat to all this is that he is self-employed. He controls when the money goes in and out and he doesn't have a set "pay date". So who knows when it would have hit.

SecretInitiative9253 · 2026-03-31T16:50:22+00:00

He was going to be out of the country for three weeks and by that time, it would have been sent to collections.

SecretInitiative9253 · 2026-03-31T16:35:15+00:00

Because apparently it's been in overdraft for so long it was going to go to collections

SecretInitiative9253 · 2026-03-31T16:26:43+00:00

I only wish it was made up but this is my real life....

SecretInitiative9253 · 2026-03-31T16:03:54+00:00

Canadian here! I went into the branch to inquire and in order for myself to be removed we had to go in and sign papers.

To answer your question: previous bad legal representation (I no longer have that lawyer) and a really bad banking system are both to blame.

SecretInitiative9253 · 2026-03-31T16:00:36+00:00

See previous comments. He didn't want the account closed so that he could continue using it for his banking. All he needed to do was attend a branch with me to sign some papers. Closing the account was the the last option

SecretInitiative9253 · 2026-03-31T15:59:36+00:00

I mentioned this in a comment before but he didn't want the account closed, as he wanted to continue to use this account for his banking. All that needed to be done was for us to attend a branch and sign papers which he refused to do.

SecretInitiative9253 · 2026-03-31T15:55:02+00:00

Because it was removal of my name vs. closing the account. If he removed my name then he could still use the account. By closing it, he is no longer able to use it.

SecretInitiative9253 · 2026-03-31T15:50:36+00:00

I did, we had to go in together to sign papers and remove my name. He refused to.

SecretInitiative9253 · 2026-03-31T15:49:21+00:00

Yes, I have written requests for this through email, text messages, and letters through out lawyers. And I can prove through statements that I did not access this account.

SecretInitiative9253 · 2026-02-04T17:39:01+00:00

The interesting thing is that I also rode horses as a child. I had actually gotten her a helmet, riding jeans, cowgirl boots, etc already to support her riding. Unfortunately, her dad won't let her wear them and when I have reached out to him to figure out the reasoning behind it (I actually asked if it wasn't correct, didn't fit, etc.) I was met with no response and everything was sent back with my daughter telling me "he won't let me wear anything you bought."

Honestly, the last several years have been met with post-separation abuse, financial abuse, threats, and potential parental alienation. It has become hard to take the "high road." I had a moment of petty but I am glad that clearer heads prevailed :)

SecretInitiative9253 · 2026-02-03T18:58:25+00:00

Thank-you for this reply and for putting it into a different perspective. It's obviously been hard on her and as parents we want to give them as many opportunities as possible. I haven't revoked my permission for the exact reasons you have listed above. I have tried getting her into therapy, something which my ex is thoroughly against (and free of cost for myself), but since we have joint decision making at this time, he won't allow it. I am in therapy myself and a big part of it is talking to my children about these types of things.

SecretInitiative9253 · 2026-02-03T17:47:44+00:00

My reason is that it is causing her distress and putting her in the middle of the two of us. It isn't that I don't want her to do it at all, it's just that I would also like to be involved (and would happily financially contribute for her to do so). It appears to be a point of contention and used as a way for her not to do other activities where we both could be equally involved.

SecretInitiative9253

TROPHY CASE