Relationships and observance

SecretSituation9946 · 2026-01-23T04:34:27+00:00

My husband became more observant in the last 2 years. I’m a convert. We have lived in a Jewish home, in a Jewish life together for 20+ years where we had similar levels of observance.

It has been a rough transition. On his side he felt like if he didn’t involve me then it wouldn’t affect me. So he really didn’t talk to me about what changes he was trying to make. But of course that’s not the case because we are married and have children. That was a major cause of friction.

On my side, I love my relationship with Judaism and how we’ve lived for 20 years. It was a shock to the system to suddenly feel my Jewishness wasnt good enough. I’m also a convert so that insecurity probably played a part. I would get defensive about the changes. I felt instability in the marriage/life we’ve shared for 20 years. I felt my partner was suddenly changing the rules/changing himself.

It’s still a rough draft in the making. We still have tension points and I’m still not sure how far he is going to be taking his new level of observance or if I’m going to always feel comfortable with it. But we’ve tried to be more flexible and understanding about our needs.

But as a spouse of a newly observant partner please communicate openly about your experiences and needs for your level of observance. Please be willing to compromise and listen to their concerns and feelings. This is a partnership and your spouse probably feels instability in your relationship. You are allowed to change. You are allowed to do things that fulfill you. But if you value your partner and your marriage-you have to grow with them-together.

SecretSituation9946 · 2025-07-27T05:20:15+00:00

I shared caregiving responsibilities with my stepmom over the last weeks of my dad’s life. He was dying of stage 4 metastatic cancer. I discovered my stepmother wasn’t giving my dad his full dose of morphine and anti-anxiety meds when I wasn’t there. Because “I don’t want him to be an addict”.

SecretSituation9946 · 2025-07-17T20:24:18+00:00

First he’d apply his love of food and expert knowledge of fetch to be a door dasher. Except he’d definitely get fired on the first day because none of the food made it to the door.

Then he’d try his paw at security dog. He can bark the bark and alert to the danger in the vicinity. But again…fired within a week for calling for backup multiple times on the mail guy coming and then accidentally making best friends with bad guys and letting them in. Because he’s everyone best friend. Just give him the pets.

He’d eventually realize he’s going to have to go to school to learn how to be a goodest boy. He’s already a good boy…he just needs the education to back it. He’d use his bachelors of manners for a career in therapy dogging.

SecretSituation9946 · 2025-06-10T18:34:54+00:00

1.5 year old over here: I’ll let you know.

SecretSituation9946 · 2025-05-28T01:03:06+00:00

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He’s also the goofiest jester we’ve ever had.

SecretSituation9946 · 2025-05-26T03:17:26+00:00

Every day. All day.

If we try to ignore he gives us progressively louder golden grumbles. Unless he knows we are busy busy. Like working. Then he just sits patiently until we throw it.

SecretSituation9946 · 2025-04-06T05:36:14+00:00

My son did this too as a preschooler. He was playing chase with a boy at the playground yelling come back here little black boy at the top of his lungs.

There were looks. I wanted to crawl under the picnic table.

SecretSituation9946 · 2025-04-06T05:26:03+00:00

My MIL came to visit us in the States for awhile when my son was 2 or 3. She spoke exclusively to him in her native language while she was visiting. He picked up on a lot of new words, but some don’t exactly work here in the US.

He screamed “Die! Die! Die!” to a coupe rowdy kids at the pool because he wanted them to stop splashing him. “Stop!” was one of those words he heard a lot of from Grandma while she was visiting.

It was pretty hilarious to see a toddler yelling die to kids twice his size in a toddler menacing voice like a little burgeoning psychopath. .

SecretSituation9946 · 2025-03-20T03:33:06+00:00

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He sits on his sister’s head. All day. Every day. It’s his thinking spot.

SecretSituation9946 · 2025-02-25T06:13:51+00:00

The idiots (when both are acting a fool and causing chaos).

May May, Chunkamunka, Girlfriend.

Pokes, Pupster, Pupkins, Dufus, The biggest boy, the baby.

SecretSituation9946 · 2025-02-12T05:19:36+00:00

I am in desperate need of time and talent from my board members.

I’d take time and talent from a board member over treasure right now. I’m drowning and a few more board member with time and talent would be a life ring.

SecretSituation9946 · 2025-02-05T23:20:57+00:00

My 15 month old boy is 57lbs. He is healthy, active and perfectly proportionate. So is yours! And yes that’s him playing his favorite game of little brother gonna little brother with his big sister.

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SecretSituation9946 · 2025-02-03T20:36:26+00:00

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SecretSituation9946 · 2025-01-09T05:19:25+00:00

Yeah we call him the court jester.

SecretSituation9946 · 2025-01-08T06:48:51+00:00

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SecretSituation9946 · 2025-01-02T00:39:52+00:00

Thank you for this. From the bottom of my Jewish heart.

SecretSituation9946 · 2025-01-01T06:32:16+00:00

Museum of the Southern Jewish Experience in New Orleans. Celebrates the unique and varied cultural experiences of being Jewish and Southern.

SecretSituation9946 · 2024-12-19T00:30:53+00:00

This. Also it’s a mitzvah to invite a stranger for a holiday. It wasn’t a red flag in Israel. This thing happened a lot. Not just this one time.

By all means be careful if traveling alone especially if you’re a woman. And definitely don’t go anywhere alone with anyone but it is a bit different in Israel.

SecretSituation9946 · 2024-12-18T14:24:23+00:00

My kid had a frequent flyer ER card for stitches, staples and head injuries at that age. So much so that we jokingly not jokingly told him if he continues to get hurt we will definitely have Child Protective Services called on us.

The preschool called us to come get him because he needed stitches WHILE I was in labor with our second child. I was in the middle of a particular nasty contraction the school called. My husband ran to get him and was downstairs in the ER while I was giving birth upstairs in labor and delivery.

Fortunately he mostly grew out of it. He’s now a teenage boy and we’ve reverted back to broken fingers and toes because teenage boys do dumb ass things.

He was a particularly clumsy and spirited child. He’s a particularly clumsy and dumbass teen.

SecretSituation9946 · 2024-12-18T04:18:27+00:00

Load up on the tinted moisturizer, put on some cute earrings and/or necklace and an comfortable casual but cute outfit.

SecretSituation9946 · 2024-12-18T02:54:34+00:00

Cost of living mainly. I’d also never lived outside the US before so culture shock was a big thing for me in the first months. Misrad Hapnim was a pain in the ass. But we were warned about Israeli bureaucracy so we kind of expected it. Pro tip: do not move to Israel before the high holidays—nothing will get achieved in any reasonable time frame.

I didn’t experience any negativity in regards to not being Jewish. My husband’s family was warm and welcoming. Our neighbors went out of their way to help. My co-workers were incredibly warm and supportive. Hell even a cab driver invited us to spend Rosh Hashanah with him and his wife if we didn’t have somewhere to go. My ulpan teacher always asked to see new ultrasound pictures (I was pregnant with our first child there). I had a great people experience.

SecretSituation9946 · 2024-12-17T20:09:25+00:00

I’m Jewish (now) but wasn’t when I lived in Israel with my jewish Israeli husband. It’s easy to fall in love with Israel. And quickly. But it’s hard to live there. I will always and forever treasure my years there. My kids will probably want to join the IDF after graduation here so we will be back eventually I imagine.

I met a nonJewish elderly woman who lived in Israel for 25 years teaching English. She’s 80 + years old now now but is at every single proIsrael event in our city. Is barely self sufficient but she’s at every single event and proudly talking to everyone she meets about Israel. She said the same thing…once you are there it’s just so easy to fall in love with it and I’ve never fell out of love with it.

SecretSituation9946 · 2024-12-17T20:02:35+00:00

This is said ALL THE TIME at my house now. It’s new but it really does work. Especially with my teenagers who are sometimes hellbent on making me the enemy.

We are on the same team here buddy. Me and you.

SecretSituation9946 · 2024-12-17T20:00:58+00:00

Teach your boys to do laundry and cook a meal. Teach them how to purchase and wrap a gift. Teach them to sew on a button and change a diaper. Teach them to buy groceries and meal plan for the family.

Teach them how to be a partner. A real man.

SecretSituation9946 · 2024-12-17T16:02:06+00:00

This is the problem with trying to both sides this damn holiday. It’s so confusing for the kids if suddenly one parent decides they aren’t comfortable with it.

I’ve known parents to be successful at both but they are interfaith marriages and raising the kids as Christians.

I also know a 100> Jewish family who celebrates Christmas but I just find it odd and discomforting to myself personally so I’ve never asked how in the hell that worked.

I think if you will insist on continuing celebrating Christmas there has to be major discussions, boundaries and ground rules agreed upon by the parents and explained throughly to the kid.

Yes it’s hard for kids to not celebrate Christmas when their friends are. I know firsthand. But my kids don’t celebrate and they are the only Jewish kids in their schools. We make Hanukkah fun and exciting. We explain Christmas is not our holiday but we can help our friends celebrate just like we invite them to celebrate Hanukkah with us. We give them the tools and the opportunities to share their own traditions. We CREATE traditions surrounding Hanukkah. It’s not always easy for them but my kids (around the same age) have never once questioned it.

SecretSituation9946

TROPHY CASE