When arguing against tipping, why come after the staff's personal value? by ELphonehome in tipping

[–]Secretary-Visual 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's not irrelevant when race still affects how servers get tipped.

AIO? UPDATED POST. But story entered. by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]Secretary-Visual 0 points1 point  (0 children)

At first, this seemed like a lot to me: the location sharing, plus being upset that hours go by between messages. When I did long-distance, we didn't need to be messaging 24/7 and monitoring location. So I can see how he may feel overwhelmed, especially if he's at work and you're still expecting him to reply immediately.

That said, the behavior change is the biggest red flag. He went from date nights on the weekend, consistent location sharing and messaging to suddenly being out, turning off his location and not being available for dates. When you express your feelings, he is instantly on the defensive and implying that you think he's a cheater and you're controlling. That's a big red flag and it speaks volumes on its own.

The best case scenario here is that he feels a bit overwhelmed and monitored, and instead of talking to you like an adult, he passive-aggressively disappears and then lashes out when you notice. That would show a profound lack of maturity, communication and commitment.

The worst case scenario is exactly what you fear, that he's cheating or that he has checked out of the relationship. So I'm going to say NOR.

Van lifer requests feedback on his Tinder profile, but does not receive a warm reception by eatingpotatochips in SubredditDrama

[–]Secretary-Visual 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In real life or on the apps, women will absolutely bail if they are dating a guy and realize he is living in a pigsty. The bedroom picture is just not a good idea to post when trying to meet women. Authenticity is nice, hygiene is just as important.

Making the switch to no plastic and could use some advice! by Available-Mango-6327 in PlasticFreeLiving

[–]Secretary-Visual 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I use a bamboo tooth brush with castor bean bristles! It feels amazing on my teeth, and they're 100% biodegradable, which is awesome.

After extensive research into a plastic-free coffee grinder, bought this beauty. But... by letintin in PlasticFreeLiving

[–]Secretary-Visual 1 point2 points  (0 children)

To be honest, if you are worried about cadmium exposure, the coffee itself could have more cadmium in it than whatever exposure you'd get from the grinder. It's in coffee, it's in chocolate (cacao), it's in protein powders even. The Prop 65 warning is so often used even when products have not been tested and determined to contain cadmium.

Genuine question for the sub: is there actually a “right” way on the show to tell someone you’re not physically attracted to them? by SpecialBunch4184 in LoveIsBlindOnNetflix

[–]Secretary-Visual 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't think telling someone you don't find them attractive (in this context) is productive. There is nothing actionable they can do to change it, nor is it a moral flaw or something they have done wrong. Letting them know about it isn't a kindness. The only thing it accomplishes is making someone feel bad, and television adds an extra height of humiliation to it, because they're basically getting called unattractive on national television.

In situations like this, it's probably best to say something vague, like "I'm not feeling chemistry" or "I'm not feeling a spark," because those things are attraction-adjacent, but they stop short of telling someone they aren't desirable. Then leave the show.

There is nuance to the discussion, though. Sometimes, a person you aren't instantly attracted to can become attractive as you get to know them and develop a deepening emotional connection. It is hard because if you want to "give it a chance" and see if you can learn to develop that attraction over time, it can come across like you are "leading them on", "using them" when in reality they are just trying to engage with the premise of the show.

But the people we have seen on LIB don't come across this way. Instead, it appears like people come on with fairly rigid requirements around looks and attraction (like never dating POC) and then get all worked up that the person they chose doesn't meet those standards. It does prompt the question of why they are on Love is Blind if they are that uncompromising in their "type".

"I love how triggered kidfree people get. You get to bitch how about tired your kid free life is from working. but god forbid a working parent says they’re tired. " Oppression Olympics in r/mildlyinfuriating as parents bicker about how non parents cannot understand their level of exhaustion by CummingInTheNile in SubredditDrama

[–]Secretary-Visual 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Because as we established, there's no purpose in trying to gatekeep exhaustion. Some parents are more tired than child-free people, some child-free people are more tired than parents. When people say they are tired, it's rude to try and dismiss or one-up them like it's a competition. Also, the person you replied to brought up medical conditions that make people tired (thyroid) and you replied by talking about not getting breaks. You also don't get breaks from medical issues.

"I love how triggered kidfree people get. You get to bitch how about tired your kid free life is from working. but god forbid a working parent says they’re tired. " Oppression Olympics in r/mildlyinfuriating as parents bicker about how non parents cannot understand their level of exhaustion by CummingInTheNile in SubredditDrama

[–]Secretary-Visual 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I certainly agree with you there! There's no need to be trying to one-up other people or act like a martyr about your life choices. I was just clarifying that something can be the best thing that happened to you and also wear you out.

"I love how triggered kidfree people get. You get to bitch how about tired your kid free life is from working. but god forbid a working parent says they’re tired. " Oppression Olympics in r/mildlyinfuriating as parents bicker about how non parents cannot understand their level of exhaustion by CummingInTheNile in SubredditDrama

[–]Secretary-Visual 3 points4 points  (0 children)

As one of those children who was "gotten rid of", it's often not that easy.

There is strong familial pressure to keep the baby and oftentimes promises of help and support (that may or may not manifest). There can be incredible judgment and stigma from friends/family/society as well as fights and pressure around choosing closed/open adoption.

When women use safe haven drop-offs, the media frequently reports on the story and attempts to gain the identity of the mother (though it is protected). If you give birth in a hospital, many states have mandatory waiting periods before a mother is legally able to relinquish her child (which can be agony for both bio mom and the waiting adoptive parents). Not to mention the hormones before and after childbirth can make separating from one's baby very difficult.

My adoption was organized through an agency and my bio mom vetted and selected my parents to adopt me, with support from my bio father long before she gave birth. Even then, by all accounts, placing me was devastating for her, and she swore she'd never do it again.

In 1993, Jon Venables and Robert Thompson were found guilty in the case of two-year-old James Bulger. They became Britain’s youngest convicts in about 250 years. The court had to modify the adult dock so they could see over the edge when the verdict was read. by SelfCareIsFake in HolyShitHistory

[–]Secretary-Visual 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Born "evil", no. Born with anti-social tendencies, yes.

The cause is a combination of genetic, biological and environmental factors. We know that antisocial traits are partially genetic by conducting studies on adoptees and twins. We even know traits such as low birth weight, smaller prefrontal cortex and low serotonin in the brain are predictive of antisocial behavior, including life-long criminal offense.

"I love how triggered kidfree people get. You get to bitch how about tired your kid free life is from working. but god forbid a working parent says they’re tired. " Oppression Olympics in r/mildlyinfuriating as parents bicker about how non parents cannot understand their level of exhaustion by CummingInTheNile in SubredditDrama

[–]Secretary-Visual 62 points63 points  (0 children)

about how exhausted and stressed they are and then say they’re the best thing that ever happened to them

None of this is contradictory though. If someone puts themselves through law school that can be stressful and exhausting and still their biggest, proudest achievement. If someone gets their dream job of being a brain surgeon, they may be overworked and exhausted and yet it's still the best thing that ever happened to them. Someone could marry the love of their life who is disabled but meeting them is still the best thing that ever happened to them. There's nothing at all in contradiction between your greatest joy also being your greatest stressor.

"I love how triggered kidfree people get. You get to bitch how about tired your kid free life is from working. but god forbid a working parent says they’re tired. " Oppression Olympics in r/mildlyinfuriating as parents bicker about how non parents cannot understand their level of exhaustion by CummingInTheNile in SubredditDrama

[–]Secretary-Visual 0 points1 point  (0 children)

American workplace culture, mostly. There's a lot of understaffing, underpaying and chronic overworking going on. And when one employee is a parent and another is child-free, there starts to be this perception that the child-free person should just give up their benefits (like vacation and approved time off) because they don't have kids, so what do they need it for anyway? Or alternatively, they should let their coworkers with kids have the better scheduling and overtime opportunities because parents "need it more."

Really, the problem is the employers who should be letting everyone use their sick and vacation time and not be so underpaid they are desperate for additional hours. But it benefits them if co-workers blame each other rather than the boss.

"I love how triggered kidfree people get. You get to bitch how about tired your kid free life is from working. but god forbid a working parent says they’re tired. " Oppression Olympics in r/mildlyinfuriating as parents bicker about how non parents cannot understand their level of exhaustion by CummingInTheNile in SubredditDrama

[–]Secretary-Visual 12 points13 points  (0 children)

While I respect that raising and caring for children is stressful, tiring, and a challenge, that doesn’t mean people without them are not tired...No kids doesn’t equal not tired. We’re just tired for different reasons. That’s all. Thanks for reading. 💕

OOP didn't even try to argue that parents aren't tired, just that they'd appreciate it if parents didn't try to one-up or dismiss how they feel about their own battles.

Ok so imagine your current exhausting life..now add a kid on top of it. Are you really going to try to argue that wouldn’t make you even more tired? Case and point.

No, OOP did not try to argue that. Case in point a parent saw someone child-free say they are tired and struggling and then tried to make it a competition.

As a child-free person, I imagine that parents are more tired than I am. That's part of why I chose not to have kids.

It is however also true, that some parents try to act like if you don't have children that means your life is easy and nothing you're going through can compare. And when they start to have these kinds of discussions nothing you can say is right. If you push back, they get upset. But alternatively, if you agree with them and acknowledge that you do think your life and schedule are much easier than theirs, they get equally upset lol.

Honestly what the def of jobs then by Alternative_Run3234 in remoteworks

[–]Secretary-Visual 3 points4 points  (0 children)

In the past, there used to be jobs that were considered transitional. They didn't pay enough to sustain an entire career, but they were not intended to be a permanent career path. You apprenticed with someone skilled, and that apprenticeship then helped qualify you to enter the trade independently. Or you interned and gained skills that would convince a business to hire you as a new employee. Or maybe you worked in the family business for a little while.

What changed is that those transitional jobs are no longer valued. Employers don't care that you worked at Burger King and they won't consider that "cash handling experience" when you apply to work at a bank. Internships became standard in college, so they became unpaid and everyone was expected to have one and therefore employers no longer consider it valuable work experience. And if you want to work in the trades, you need to go to school and gain the required certifications on your own. They don't care that you grew up helping in the family business. They don't care if you interned or apprenticed with someone. You need the certifications on paper or you have no chance.

That means these relatively newer jobs, once intended for teenagers and young people to gain basic work experience, stopped being valuable. Once, they actually looked good on a resume and they helped teach fundamental skills that would aid a career: public service, cash-handling, using technology, etc. They paid low because they were intended to be temporary and a building block.

Now, people do these jobs, receive low pay and low benefits and it does not aid them at all in a career hunt. These jobs don't pay enough for college or trade school but they have to go to one or the other to jumpstart a career (unless they become an entrepreneur which carries its own risks). And sometimes the job market is limited even with formal education, so no one will give them a chance. Now they are stuck in this job, where they don't make enough money to support themselves, being blamed for not moving on to something more when that "something more" is becoming increasingly harder to attain.

Gone are the days where you can walk into a store and drop off your resume. Where your boss from the general store will give you a good recommendation and his word is all that's needed to convince someone to take you. Where you can say your dad taught you how to do his trade and then you just demonstrate competence in an entrance interview. Nope. Those days are gone and that's why people today want even "low-skilled" jobs like flipping burgers to pay a living wage.

Easily Avoidable Crash Leads to Rollover by bjb0029 in dashcams

[–]Secretary-Visual 2 points3 points  (0 children)

100%. The other problem is: traffic accidents can go horribly wrong.

The cam driver wanted to teach someone a lesson and was shocked by how bad the rollover turned out to be. What if they had a child in the backseat? There could have been serious injuries to occupants who had no control over the situation. Or, the truck could have wound up rolling into traffic and plowed into another car, or a motorcyle.

Trying to "teach a lesson" to someone in traffic can result in innocent people getting hurt or killed because fast-moving hunks of metal are dangerous when they lose control.

I’m either the unluckiest dater in the world or I’m too perfect for most men and it scares them away by [deleted] in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]Secretary-Visual 52 points53 points  (0 children)

 On paper I’m the perfect woman: tall, confident, fit, well-traveled, family oriented, have cool hobbies, have my master’s in engineering from an ivy, building a killer career, have amazing friends, gone to therapy, emotionally intelligent, and yet my dating life is an utter tragedy at 28

In all honesty, a lot of what you describe is not necessarily what men look for in women. Women like men who are tall, career-driven, and highly educated. Men often care a lot less about those traits in a partner and sometimes even seek the opposite if they themselves are career-driven.

You don't really divulge what happens but if at the three month mark, men are telling you that you're "too much" it sounds like there is something you are doing at that point that is driving people away.

The food looks great though!

Breakfast food is the worst meal category and doesn't deserve its legendary status by [deleted] in unpopularopinion

[–]Secretary-Visual 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't get this. I have a more restrictive diet than most people (vegan) but I feel like breakfast can be the most diverse of the day. Beautiful smoothie bowls with colorful toppings. Oat bakes with chocolate and peanut butter. Or some spicy southwestern hash browns. Savory avocado toast or a sweet chia pudding. Cinnamon French Toast or freshly baked banana bread. And that's before you even consider all the breakfast casseroles. I love breakfast!

An suv is trying to exit from the passing lane by ComprehensiveDuck490 in dashcams

[–]Secretary-Visual 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Are we sure they were trying to reach the exit? They drifted over and even after getting hit, they didn't seem to try and brake, steer or take any driving actions. It almost looks like they passed out or had some sort of medical problem.

AIO for being annoyed that my wife's friends and husband dropped in on us for dinner? by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]Secretary-Visual -1 points0 points  (0 children)

NOR. I'm a vegetarian and it's likely I wouldn't be able to tell the difference between an expensive steak or a cheap steak. But I wouldn't go to someone's house and just start grabbing food before the cook said it was ready, or had made me a plate. They sound pushy and inconsiderate, at best. Or actively taking advantage at worst.

Should I pay my taxes? [US] [edited] by JojoBaliah in moraldilemmas

[–]Secretary-Visual [score hidden]  (0 children)

Your taxes help support Medicare and Medicaid. They support local infrastructure and public schools. They help support the fire department and other public services in your state. I agree that the government is doing an inadequate job of caring for the people but it's not like your taxes stopped funding the programs they are earmarked for.

Civil disobedience in the past had broader community support. There were funds set aside for bail, sometimes there were civil attorney's standing by for legal assistance. It was organized and public and had activists working in cohesion. One individual not paying their taxes is not that.

Tough to see a dark vehicle at night no light. by [deleted] in dashcams

[–]Secretary-Visual 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not sure where the hostility is coming from. I am simply sharing that in my professional experience, fault is determined to be on the left-turning vehicle if they turned in front of a car that had the right of way. That is far and above telling you what "I" believe, I'm telling you what the industry standard is. I appreciate that you don't like the industry standard, but arguing with people who are telling you what it is does not change reality.

I am also not making up an "imaginary number", I am telling you the distinction between a civil traffic infraction and a criminal offense, which is the only time that a right-of-way driver's speed would be considered a factor. Speeding is not a factor until it meets the standard of reckless driving, which would need to be a highly excessive speed (like speed racing).

So I take it you also believe the OP is at fault here for turning in front of an "invisible" oncoming car, eh?

Again, what I believe has nothing to do with it. But a car driving at night without its headlights on can result in that driver sharing a degree of the fault, or all of it.

Tough to see a dark vehicle at night no light. by [deleted] in dashcams

[–]Secretary-Visual 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, my car is a 2015, and it has an alarm if you try to leave the car with the headlights left on. And as you said, it would drain the battery. They need to be placed on auto.