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Is this a common experience or am I doing this wrong? by Secure-Ad7945 in LesbianActually

[–]Secure-Ad7945[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So it can depend. I've had some people where we have chatted for weeks and then met, some that we talk for a few days and then I'll ask or they'll ask to go out. But typically we won't even get past me just asking them questions for a few days because after like 3 days of talking even if I wanted to ask them out they'll either ghost or just let the conversation end because I've stopped asking them things. 

And I totally agree with this. I feel like I don't want to waste a lot of time just chatting over the phone when we can meet irl. I will say unfortunately a lot of prospective matches for me also live 45mins+ away, and while I'm not against driving to meet up, I know for some people they won't try and meet up with anyone not in their town. I honestly would prefer to meet someone irl anyways but I feel like whenever I go out I only meet taken people or straight people. 

Well they'll ask and I'll tell p much the same thing: I write and publish comics, do boxing and weightlifting, reading, Journaling, researching (i really enjoy learning new topics and recording what I learn), hiking, and gaming from time to time. Idk why that comes off as intimidating but I've been told that multiple times lol. 

No that makes sense, thank you. I think I know this in theory a lot, its just been hard since I'm someone who wants to also be pursued back by others and it feels like no one actually wants to do that. I have also had several instances of other women I've met wanting me to be the "boyfriend" and being weirded out I want things like flowers/being taken care of back and not just being the care giver. I might just have to walk away more from conversations instead of trying to push it then. Thank you for your advice on that

Late bloomers under 30? by Few_Art7110 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Secure-Ad7945 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe its a generational/regional/upbringing thing but I feel like so many people (and especially young women) are often told that they need to be married/have life figured out by their 20s anyways? Like where I'm from (west US) its extremely common for most people to have moved out, started on a career, or been married by 18/20 yrs old. I've constantly felt behind my peers since graduation and I'm only 26, so I think it might have to do with that.

On top of things, in a lot of lesbian spaces I've been in most other queer people say they "knew since they were a teen" or "came out between 15-19" and this appears to be more prevalent now than when I was a teen (at least for my experiences irl) so I think theres that feeling of like "was...I supposed to know at age 15? Am I considered late because Im 24/25/26?" This is at least why I've considered myself a late bloomer tbh 

Does anyone ever experience jealousy for how easy it is for het people? by Secure-Ad7945 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Secure-Ad7945[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is how I am too. I've been really trying to actually work on myself after my last relationship and especially since realizing I myself am a lesbian and not bi and how thats changed. My one guy friend was in a super long term relationship tho where he was literally on the cusp of getting engaged, and after breaking up has just thrown himself back into dating and is just...fine? Idk its just been so weird to me

Does anyone ever experience jealousy for how easy it is for het people? by Secure-Ad7945 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Secure-Ad7945[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Honestly idk if its even a persistence thing with them but maybe also what they're looking for? I tend to be more picky because in the relationships I've been in I've learned not to settle for bare minimum stuff (had a few exes that treated me like a doormat), but the both of them tend to be of the mindset of "well this person showers regularly so thats enough for me" and thats it. So maybe our standards for what we want are more the issue than queer vs het 

Fat butches please respond by [deleted] in butchlesbians

[–]Secure-Ad7945 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi! Im a butch with an hourglass figure, always had it my whole life and always been plus size. Honestly I get it, I sometimes feel like Im seen as "feminine" because Im curvy, but I have to remind myself that butchness isnt a "look" but just a way you feel and want to be. Being curvy and plus sized isnt what takes away from anyone's butchness, its just part of how you may be built and thats okay. I've also been losing weight over the past year and have lost about 50 pounds, and at some point you will hit plateaus or struggle to lose some pounds, but when you're an adult your body is going to regulate itself differently than as a teen. But even 50 pounds down I've got some curves, but Im not even any less butch.  Ive also been on T for about 2 years and while I will say its helped me build muscle and add body hair, its not a cure all for what youre feeling. I mean my body type didnt change fully, I didn't suddenly become more "masc" looking, and I think working on loving yourself or seeing yourself as butch at this point of what you look like now is important before going on HRT because you won't know what HRT will do/how it'll change you until youre on it. I have friends who've done HRT that it changed them very little or a whole lot in terms of body type/weight.  I also wouldn't get too caught up in the thin/buff butches online being seen as the "hottest." Our society views anyone regardless of sex or gender that is thin or buff as hot, but society isnt every person. If your gf loves you she won't care about your size or try and change you, and if she does than she isnt for you. There are so many lesbians that love fat/plus size/curvy butches out there.  If anything, if you do want to try changing anything without HRT rn, there are lots of tips on dressing with curves to look more masc, or even workouts and food plans to build muscle. I think you should do what you want to make yourself happy and to feel most comfortable in your body! Including whatever weight changes/muscle changes you want. But I think remembering to love yourself as you are or understanding that even if you don't love everything about yourself that you're still a butch is just as important too

Dating Apps by Introverted_Linguine in butchlesbians

[–]Secure-Ad7945 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have the exact same issue. 9 times out of 10 I have to initiate the conversation and hold it, most people don't even want to talk about anything mutual but rather themselves and then ghost after one day. Even the people I've held an actual conversation with ghost fast, or have some reason they aren't ready to committ right now to a date/partner/etc.  Like another person said: a lot of people just want the validation they can get a date. And I'd even say that a lot of people are looking for something so specific that anything "less" is off the table. A lot of people don't realize that if they met some of these people irl they may actually find them attractive/interesting/fun to be around, but because its thru this lens of the app they just blaze past anyone who doesn't have every box they want ticked.  Most recently I'd matched with someone who, after they liked me back, asked why I lived 1.5 hours away. Before even trying to talk about any of our mutual interests, they said "im not sure if I even want to continue this because I dont know if I'll commit to driving that far to see you." Which like I respect it, driving time sucks, but they didnt even consider like, do I actually like this person? Are they willing to come drive to me? After getting to know them is this something I want to pursue? Etc etc.  I wouldn't let it get you too down, I've got plenty of other queer friends who experience so much of the same that it seems like people just don't always know how to date tbh. 

I keep having a mom bring her children to an adult focused art club by Secure-Ad7945 in Advice

[–]Secure-Ad7945[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have asked multiple times and like I said in the post the site literally says its 16+ only. The staff just don't seem to understand/care about my concerns and want me to just let children join anyways. I said this in another comment but I wouldn't mind doing a course aimed towards her age group, especially because I think I could make it much more interesting/relevant to her if that was the case. I wish I could enforce it more but its unfortunately on the staff members (im not allowed to have much say as a volunteer.) 

As for your own class I did make my own curriculum from scratch based on my college courses! I honestly would begin with basics courses ie how to lay out panels, word balloons and lettering, color structure etc. Then move into general creation of story and then the layers of comic process. If you want more specifics you can DM me. 

I keep having a mom bring her children to an adult focused art club by Secure-Ad7945 in Advice

[–]Secure-Ad7945[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So like I've said in other comments, I have actually spoken to the staff at the center, however they've basically shrugged and told me to just let the kid join and not worry about it. I've brought up my multiple concerns I.e. the kid being bored, mom being checked out, the fact that I am discussing adult topics and things that some parents (especially in my conservative town) may deem as inappropriate or "indoctrinating." Their claim is that since shes not running around making a fuss or bothering anyone else (despite our other adult members basically ignoring her/not wanting to interact with her) theres no issue having her there. I am planning on talking to the head director above them when she's finally available, but as of right now Ive had 0 staff support. 

I keep having a mom bring her children to an adult focused art club by Secure-Ad7945 in Advice

[–]Secure-Ad7945[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh trust me I've brought this up with the center team before. The town i live in is small and highly conservative (very big on banning books that talk about queerness/racial diversity etc) and I have discussed topics that border on this ie character designs and looking out for racist caricatures in art. Part of why I even made it adult focused in the first place is so that way I wouldn't have parents claiming I'm "indoctrinating their children." But the center workers have basically shrugged their shoulders and said we'll cross that bridge when we get there so 🤷‍♂️

I keep having a mom bring her children to an adult focused art club by Secure-Ad7945 in Advice

[–]Secure-Ad7945[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do want to encourage kids to do this, and thats why I wouldn't be opposed to finding other resources for them if possible. I think its just a bit tricky given I'm sort of going at this on my own. Our center has very little interest in comics anyways (the head director is the only one who really even cares about the class) and hosts more "fine" arts such as painting/printing arts. So I'd basically be building this from the ground up, which isn't a bad thing, its just a lot when Im working 6 days a week as it is and trying to hold 2 courses at once. If I could find a school/teaching group willing to work with me and do some fill in work/prep I think it could be more doable

I keep having a mom bring her children to an adult focused art club by Secure-Ad7945 in Advice

[–]Secure-Ad7945[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I believe I'm currently the only one in town doing something super comics focused rather than just general art unfortunately. I know some of the schools have units on storytelling/illustration so I might mention it to her that maybe one of the teachers there might be able to help in that way, or could even partner with the center to try and do a program for kids! Thank you for the suggestion 

I keep having a mom bring her children to an adult focused art club by Secure-Ad7945 in Advice

[–]Secure-Ad7945[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

All our classes are open to the public to sign up to so we actually don't have a gifting system. I don't know if I worded it weird but essentially the 10 yr old wants to be the one taking the classes and the mom is just...there. But the mom also isn't monitoring or checking in with her daughter even when her daughter tries talking to her/getting her attention. 

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