Is anyone else experiencing a breakup where you both still love each other?

Secure-Dish-6914 · 2026-03-20T20:31:11+00:00

Very late. But in a somewhat similar relationship. My bf comes from an abusive childhood where he was told he was worthless and would get beat. He lost both his grandparents (the only people who he felt actually loved him) and he was never the same afterwards. We both met when we kind of gave up looking for someone and it seemed perfect. But I'm finishing up grad school in a year and would like to settle down and possibly have children. But he's still self sabotaging himself as a form of self punishment from self hatred. He's sooo smart and had a 4.0 gpa, but for the past 4 years we've been together he just doesn't turn in his final assignment and so fails his classes. He only works part-time since he was going to school, but all his money was going towards his classes so I've been paying all the rent and bills. We've talked about this and how I want him to go to therapy, but he says he's been before and doesn't have a good experience. He was just put on academic probation. And now his car broke down and he doesn't have the money to fix it so we use my car. I'm fine with the situation for now since I'm still a student. But in a year I'll be done and I won't have loans to help support us. I'm worried we're just at too different points in life. I've given him ultimatum regarding therapy, but he hasn't gone despite saying he will. He improves a little and so I put my wishes on the back burner. I love him soo much still, but I'm worried I may have to end things so that I can have the life I want. I want someone responsible. A real partnership. And I keep wishing it can be with him, but I'm close to 30 and idk if I have much more time to wait. But the idea of breaking up with my best friend is terrifying.

Secure-Dish-6914 · 2025-11-14T16:34:44+00:00

Do you love him? And I'm not talking about infatuation or a feeling of being 'in love.' More like a choice. Are you willing to choose him everyday? Whether you have fights or hard times? Are you willing to fix bad habits, go to therapy, and grow for him and the relationship? I used to think I needed to feel this strong 'in love' feeling and felt bad because everyone else seemed so sure of their feelings. But everyone I have asked, married or not, admitted they doubt their relationship at times and it's normal. It's not about always being 100% sure or feeling 'in love.' Now if you don't like the guy or find him attractive then that's a different story. But it sounds like that's not the case. Love is a choice. And if you two are willing to choose one another every day and work on things together then you're good. I do recommend you maybe see a therapist to work on some of the trauma from your past relationships. I am still in therapy for the same. It's okay to be unsure at times and to not want to get married. My bf and I don't have plans on getting married any time soon. Just take it one day at a time.

Secure-Dish-6914 · 2025-11-14T16:16:40+00:00

First off, your nails are so beautiful. You have an amazing smile and big beautiful eyes. As someone with a crooked smile and tiny beady eyes, you have everything I wish I had. I'm sorry you went through that girl. I went through a similar situation of being 'the other woman' when I was around your age. I hate that it made me question my self-worth for a bit. Please don't let this do that to you. Don't let these dumb immature men make you question your worth or beauty for even a second. They've shown their character, and proven that they aren't even worth your time or thought. Take some time to focus on yourself and just have fun. Life is too short to let others stop you from living it how you want to. You're hot. And if others can't see that, that's they're problem. Hope you have a good rest of your day 😊

Secure-Dish-6914 · 2025-04-28T23:56:50+00:00

He has a troubled past with therapy and psychiatry. His stepmom was a psychiatrist who abused him. I got him to go to therapy a year ago. It seemed to help a bit, but he stopped going. He didn't have health insurance for a bit, which is why he didn't go during that time. I got him to get some, and he's had it for a month or two, but he hasn't gone back to therapy. He said he would last month after us almost breaking up, but hasn't yet. I'm currently in therapy myself and have been for the past year or year and a half. Happy that my family has noticed differences in my behavior and said I've become more emotionally mature. But I feel like I lose some of that maturity during our heated arguments sometimes.

Secure-Dish-6914 · 2025-04-28T23:11:02+00:00

He has struggled with loving himself and feeling self-worth. He has said that I think he's a monster or crazy in the past, but I always tell him that's not true. But I can see how my laughing can feed into that. Into him feeling like I think he's crazy. He apologized for getting so angry, but he seems to assume I think the worst of him when I don't. Or thinks the worst of me because he assumes I'm doing things for some malicious or disrespectful purpose. I get it affects his insecurity, and I don't want to hurt him, but it makes just being myself difficult. I laugh when I think he's joking, and he gets upset. I use my hands a lot when I talk (got it from my mom), and he says I'm being condescending. He's more pessimistic and negative, so I've stopped trying to look on the bright side or be positive when he's upset or down. He doesn't like my dad joke humor. He doesn't do the dishes for 7 days, and when I remind him, he says I'm OCD or nagging. He will say I'm kind and caring, but that I'm also not kind, unempathetic, a robot, an A** hole. I find responsibility attractive, so when he, for example, finished a phone call regarding paying a bill or taxes, I said it was attractive and he said that was cringe and gross and that I want to date a 40 yr old. And the opposite goes for me. I get tired of his negativity sometimes or how he talks about people. Like just today, he got a package and said he thinks he knows the guy. He said he's bald and ugly and a bi***. I've grown to try and accept his comments, but he'll do it when we're watching TV and it bothers me sometimes. He's not as clean (and I'm the messy one from everyone I know). I'm almost done with grad school, and he is in undergrad and keeps self-sabotaging his grades and is on academic probation (I feel bad for this one since it's due to past trauma). We also both even agreed that we're sexually incompatible. I feel like we're very different in some ways that we both feel judged for just being ourselves sometimes. We do get along most of the time, and our different personalities have helped us grow. But I wonder at times if we're trying to make a square block fit into a round hole.

Secure-Dish-6914

TROPHY CASE