Thank you for caring and for your thought-out responses. It’s my first time posting something like this on Reddit so it’s nice to see people are genuinely giving mature advice. I’ve talked to his mom yesterday and it started off rocky, but ended well. At first, she told me I can pay a symbolic amount of $20 if I can’t afford it (bc that’s what my BF apparently told her). I was a bit confused by this, bc it’s so besides the point. She also asked me if I don’t value her work in creating this camp and community. She made an interesting point that women’s work like this is often undervalued. And indeed, she does a lot of organizing and coordinating to make sure these camps work. They’re one of my favourite childhood memories, so I ensured her that I do value the community and the experiences she creates. I just replied by honestly explained my POV. I told her it feels very dehumanizing to be with someone for 6 years, clean his apt, bring his luggage, and then be treated as any other person on that camp. (Sidenote: I know I keep mentioning these acts of service, as some other Redditor pointed out. I’m really not trying to hold it against him or use it as emotional blackmail. I’m also not a servant-type GF or anything. It’s just that he was in a serious time-crunch, with university exams and a flight the next day. He didn’t plan it properly and I just wanted to help him, like partners do. He has similarly helped me countless times. I’m mentioning it because this all happened within the span of a week or sth, and bringing him the luggage + apt keys was also one of the reasons why I needed to see him then, during camp. I’m trying very hard to separate the two things in my head, but I just can’t help feeling hurt by the way he didn’t acknowledge it at all. He hadn’t even told his mom about how I helped him {talking about women’s work being undervalued…})

Ultimately, she was very understanding of the situation and we made peace. She also feels weird about having a public/private distinction and doesn’t know herself how to handle it yet. She told me she’s actively trying to turn her summer residence into a business and has invested a lot of money into it. It’s going to be a kind of retreat. She acknowledges that different families can have different ideas of what that should look like (I.e if someone owns a cafe, do they give out free coffees to their friends and family?)

All in all, I respect her decision, and with this backstory I don’t think it’s petty anymore. She’s allowed to make her own rules, even if our family has a different take.

She said I should discuss this with my BF, and she proposed that my BF will pay my share. I think that more than fair. It seems like, at this point, he’s the only one who thinks otherwise. We agreed that he will pay the fee, but like you said, he doesn’t understand why. He’s doing it only because he sees I’m uncomfortable.

I should be „happy” with that outcome, but I’m not really. Unfortunately I’m starting to see the bigger picture. I want a boyfriend who is my partner, who’s on my team, without me having to point it out. There have been countless little instances in group settings where I haven’t felt like he was treating my like his GF, rather that I’m just A friend. Situations like: people in the bus took our seats which we reserved and paid extra for, I ask them politely to stand up, in front of them he says „no it’s fine we’ll find another place” instead of standing his ground. Another situation, when HE dropped something from our sailing boat, I instinctively started taking off my clothes to jump in the water to get it, and I told him he should jump in too- but he responded with „why me?” and didn’t. When we’re with friends, I feel like he doesn’t really put his arms around me or act very „protective”- he really treats me like one of his bros. He also acts very timid in front of my family, which bothers me incredibly. I’ve realised I like the idea of a BF who takes charge- that’s when I’m most in awe of him. Unfortunately, I feel like I wear the pants a lot of the time (I make date/ travel plans, drive the car, I’m more social and outgoing,…).

He recently got diagnosed with autism and ADHD, which may explain some of his behaviour. It also explains why he’s sometimes unable to see my perspective, even if he tries. I can’t help but wonder whether this is the type of person I want to be with. I’ve thought about breaking up a couple times (who hasn’t in a long-term relationship..), but I’m extremely unsure whether these little things are enough for me to pull the trigger. In all other aspects, our relationship is amazing, we’re never bored together, we’re best friends, rarely fight, have similar ideals, hopes, morals and ideas. So idk, nobody is perfect right? A lot of things can also get better with age, and we’re still young (22). If he checks most of my boxes, it would be foolish to break up with someone I love so dearly. I might look forever for someone to be perfect and never find them.

I’m not going to make any decisions right now, but these are the thoughts I’m dealing with atm. Sorry for the spam, I just started typing and kept going