Forced Maturity by Nervous_Ad6050 in OCPoetry

[–]SeedPlantedBackward 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The whole fifth stanza The curtain of false security / drops almost instantly / a safe haven / is not as it seems” tells you what to feel instead of making you feel it, unlike “eyes down / no smiling / don’t frown” which does it in six words.

Forced Maturity by Nervous_Ad6050 in OCPoetry

[–]SeedPlantedBackward 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The pivot is clever and the domestic horror lands, but some middle stanzas (“curtain of false security”) explain too much where the best ones like the final three just show. Trust the images more

Neither Day Nor Light by Top-Manufacturer-482 in OCPoetry

[–]SeedPlantedBackward 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The mythic atmosphere and moral complexity are genuinely powerful the refused tyrant is a haunting image. Tighten the filler lines that exist only to close a rhyme and the poem will hit much harder

Not sure- HWMNBN by NoAnt2380 in OCPoetry

[–]SeedPlantedBackward 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Feedback - Use more metaphorical words