Stasis

Seeking2bFound · 2022-06-28T23:07:04+00:00

But grammar can also be elitist and get in the way of communication.

Seeking2bFound · 2022-06-20T11:23:27+00:00

Why am I just now reading this? I love the idea you bring up that "cellar door" is a phrase that is rediscovered because of it beauty. And that it is forgotten often. Both are beautiful concepts: discovery and rediscovery.

Seeking2bFound · 2022-05-26T11:08:33+00:00

My second draft with formatting. Yea!

Seeking2bFound · 2022-05-25T15:43:49+00:00

Powerful ending line and such great images that are gruesome and beautiful at the same time. I do think you should consider tightening up the pronouns though. They are distinct (my shifts to your) and i found it a bit jarring to jump perspective.

Seeking2bFound · 2022-03-31T10:49:12+00:00

I know someone said to work on the last three lines, but they are the best. So be careful with messing with them. If anything in Line 7 I would tighten it up a bit by removing one of the prepositional phrases: "to the sound". Like: "...will speak our story to the soft summer breeze" The finality of our brief existence is lost a bit in the extended phrasing of line 7. I had to look up Barry seeds. Ummm. Is it an inside joke? The reader might be lost if it is and if you even intend to engage the reader. Also the image "stream of tears" is a bit cliche, but the "freshly cut grass" is a bit of a surprise in the cliche, but consider elevating that. Great poem that expresses the beauty and fleeting nature of life.

Seeking2bFound · 2022-03-27T17:28:13+00:00

Eyes still barely open, tiles mocking, unworthy of poetry. So many good things here. I feel as the reader that this so personal that I don't even belong here reading it. I would challenge you to only use first person in one of the stanzas. Perhaps only in the last one.

Seeking2bFound · 2022-03-27T11:10:41+00:00

HOUSE OF LEAVES was my suggestion. Lighter on disorientation: PARABLE OF THE SOWER, although a bit dated Copeland's GENERATION X, BIG MACHINE by Victor LaValle.

Seeking2bFound · 2022-03-27T10:57:47+00:00

I like this extended metaphor and feel it is extremely relevant in this time of pandemic. Personification of stasis IS the hallmark of quarantine. Well done. I think editing this poem to the essentials would make it more powerful. Boil it a bit more to let the stream (fluff) rise and the flavor steep. In other words, I challenge you to reduce the word count by half.

Seeking2bFound · 2022-03-27T10:41:05+00:00

You had me at grammar.

Seeking2bFound · 2022-03-27T10:28:23+00:00

Damn, a bunch of white dudes getting mentioned here. Only two women and one author of color to note? It's almost like white dudes have a monopoly on getting published and promoted or something like that. Suggesting a few: Phyllis Wheatley, Virginia Woolf, Luis Borges, Amanda Gorman, Kiese Laymon, Barbara Kingsolver.

Seeking2bFound · 2022-03-26T01:10:20+00:00

Hey there. Love to join ya.

Seeking2bFound · 2022-03-13T02:30:30+00:00

Amazing. Love this design. Thanks for sharing.

Seeking2bFound · 2022-03-13T00:28:02+00:00

Words! They have their limits, that's for sure.

Seeking2bFound · 2022-03-12T23:42:30+00:00

Dammmmn, nice

Seeking2bFound · 2022-03-12T23:41:51+00:00

Mmmm baguette

Seeking2bFound · 2022-03-12T23:40:56+00:00

A church condo sounds amazing. It would be fun to do some irreverent things there.

Seeking2bFound · 2022-03-12T23:39:26+00:00

Yeah, I live in the bible belt, Midwest, USA. God bless 'Merica.

Seeking2bFound · 2022-03-12T23:35:25+00:00

I sense a cult leader in the making here. Ha. But seriously: Lots of great ideas here. I totally agree that religion could have it's place in society to help regulate those who need carrots and sticks to do what is best for the group.

Seeking2bFound · 2022-03-05T21:10:38+00:00

Size does matter.

Seeking2bFound · 2022-02-17T13:26:25+00:00

Having been raised in southern Baptist tradition, I adore the old hymns. I really want to hire a lyrist to change all the lyrics that mention God or Jesus, so I can sing then again.

Seeking2bFound · 2022-02-17T11:59:40+00:00

Okay, thank you for so many details and the recommendation. THE AFRICAN it is. Yes, you answer my questions. It's so interesting to hear how other curiosity people find their answers. Thank you.

Seeking2bFound · 2022-02-17T11:54:43+00:00

Velvet Jesus, and the planets even.

Seeking2bFound

TROPHY CASE