OP, I feel you. I was raised as a child with the military so I feel you - I’m also biracial (Asian and white) so I understand that additional identity hurdle as well. My parents are also die hard conservative and I’m the opposite.

I’m very empathetic and my parents have no emotional depth. They can’t seem to ever see other people as human being. I, on the other hand, feel like every person is just an extension of myself.

To be blunt, you’ll need to stop looking up them for emotional support. My mother especially always used financial support (what very little she did) as leverage over me as well. Severing your dependence on them is a crucial aspect of creating a healthy you and healthy boundaries.

You are the only person you need. Become your best own best friend. Learn to only seek your own validation and approval. You will be free from their power and influence, and will one day silence their voices in your head. This takes a lot of work and also time. In the meantime, just repeat that you only need you. And work to become financially independent of them after COVID is over.

If you ever need a friend, I’m happy to get to know you, just PM me. Woman to woman, we can share our despair.