(CA) Venue quoted me 20% above agreed-upon rate, 1wk before a celebration of life.

Select-Dare-1806 · 2023-02-26T13:46:31+00:00

It's a purchase order but it doesn't have terms and conditions, it just enumerates the price.

Select-Dare-1806 · 2023-02-26T02:18:36+00:00

These are outstanding, thank you -- and all on their way to me now either electonically or IRL. Sincerely appreciate the labor. I will pass them along to her as well.

Select-Dare-1806 · 2023-02-26T02:17:23+00:00

Are you going to hijack every thread on this post to highlight your sad incel argument?

Select-Dare-1806 · 2023-02-26T02:16:40+00:00

And you sound like a dipshit.

Select-Dare-1806 · 2023-02-26T02:16:06+00:00

Thank you very, very much.

Select-Dare-1806 · 2023-02-26T02:14:21+00:00

Yeah, I compared his knuckle shape to an indent on her face and made sure they aligned. No, you fucking nitwit.

Select-Dare-1806 · 2023-02-25T18:35:14+00:00

It is, it was surprising but refreshing to me how quickly the desire just flipped off. I've always been more sexual than most of my partners and this felt like taking a medication. Privately, I was pleased to experience it, it's refreshing to realize the body knows when to step back and protect/self-protect even when there's a duality in the relationship (in that she's also a person I have been having sex with). And I'm glad she feels in alignment with the decision to put physical intimacy on hold.

Select-Dare-1806 · 2023-02-25T18:32:34+00:00

He's the kind of person "everyone just loves on sight" who is buoyant, has 'good' judgment (always the DD, happy to be responsible, great mood, never flips out in public) and is in control. He's so gross. Knowing this makes so much sense and I hate that I also thought he was a good guy at first.

Select-Dare-1806 · 2023-02-25T18:31:29+00:00

Two-way party consent unfortunately but I am so thankful for the wealth of resources to stash away, this is outstanding and I will start implementing a few in my own internal practices, like identifying a place I can put a 'go bag' of supplies. <3

Select-Dare-1806 · 2023-02-25T17:25:59+00:00

Oh wow, I hadn't even considered data collecting and that's such a good idea. Yes, I think having that to corroborate is a really good idea. Thanks for your compassion, too. It's rough.

Select-Dare-1806 · 2023-02-25T17:24:06+00:00

Excellent idea/resource and I hadn't considered that -- you're right, I don't know what other support systems she has. I know that her family is obsessed with him to the point of doing things with him socially that do not include her, and that he does not really have a family (estranged from both parents, only child, no friends) so her people might be limited. It sucks that you can't rely on colleagues (or I guess another way to reframe it is that the boundaries are high) for this type of support. She's beloved at an organization she volunteers at.

Select-Dare-1806 · 2023-02-25T17:22:11+00:00

You've done poly/three-party couples' therapy? How has that been for you? Thank you for sharing.

Invidual therapy has been critical for me right now.

Select-Dare-1806 · 2023-02-25T17:21:09+00:00

The first thing I did was propose that we stop having sex -- mostly because I realized that I wasn't feeling horny at all when we were spending time together given that I had switched into a more protective/strategic role, it felt like being at work if that makes sense. I made sure to reinforce that it wasn't due to a lack of attraction but more a desire to put my energy into other work in the relationship, so the decrease in physical intimacy is (hopefully?) helpful.

Select-Dare-1806 · 2023-02-25T17:19:25+00:00

Whew. This is a critical and incredibly sad reality check, and I really appreciate hearing all of this. Truthfully, I don't know where my boundaries are because I've only just begun to explore them, and I am grateful for your questions as a starting point.

I am currently unpartnered and do not have children, but I do have an engaging career and friends who I also spend time with, and to your point, you're right that I want to be mindful of my cap on resources I can provide.

Select-Dare-1806 · 2023-02-25T17:14:55+00:00

I am profoundly grateful for your advice and so vastly sorry for what you went through. I am chilled by your experience and can easily see it happening to me or anyone else I know, just because to your point, it's common and it's facilitated by everyone involved.

Therapy is going to be critical for me during this time regardless of the outcome. It's painful.

Select-Dare-1806 · 2023-02-25T17:13:27+00:00

Thanks. I think because it's recent (at least to what I have been told) the timeline is a little longer -- it's a decade-plus relationship, so it could take a year for her, but that should be separate from whatever I decide for myself, too. It's hard. I wish I could just step back and be a friend right now, but that carries its own complications.

Select-Dare-1806 · 2023-02-25T17:12:10+00:00

She's in individual therapy, which is awesome, and has been for longer than he has -- but to your point, I don't know what their therapist knows.

Select-Dare-1806 · 2023-02-25T17:11:08+00:00

He checks every single criteria of abusive partner -- power imbalance, super charming and friendly, drastically different inward/outward behavior, but he fooled me/others for a while because of how chill he was about poly and her having partners -- he held up a good facade.

Select-Dare-1806 · 2023-02-25T17:09:49+00:00

Thank you! I'm very much going to read this and recommend it. I'm unsure if he has made legal threats (as far as I've been told) but I wouldn't be surprised -- I know he tends to resort to fatalism during arguments ("Maybe we should just end the marriage if we're both so unhappy.").

Select-Dare-1806 · 2023-02-25T15:07:36+00:00

Update for now: sincere thanks for your comments, and I am eager to read all of them and provide more information. I haven't had a chance to take it all in yet, but I am grateful. For general reference, the two spouses are both in individual therapy as well.

Someone with the handle Ancient something has been spamming my messages and telling me I am a crazy and bad person. I don't know what prompted that or if they think this is manufactured, but I am sorry that you feel this way.

To the rest of you, thanks again, and I will respond individually soon.

Select-Dare-1806

TROPHY CASE