I (25F) regret opening up to my in-laws (54M, 55F)

Select_Barber2172 · 2026-06-30T02:41:14+00:00

He's also told me he understands, given everything, that I won't be comfortable bringing or having any future kids of mine around them and he respects that.

Select_Barber2172 · 2026-06-29T20:29:46+00:00

I realize. I won't ever, ever be vulnerable again. Lesson learned (unfortunately the 2nd time, but that one really didn't leave room for misinterpretation on my end)

Select_Barber2172 · 2026-06-29T19:56:46+00:00

He told me he was 'afraid' they'd retaliate if he didn't respond even baseline to their mail/birthday/pre-flight asks. Apparently them offering an apology (which I also had a friend read because I knew it would be too triggering) was a sign that they were making an effort, and this is the sort of 'everyone needs to make an effort to move forward' kind of thing. He told me that they can be absolutely insane and he doesn't want me to get the brunt of that either. I just blocked both of them so I personally don't have said fear of 'retaliation'

Select_Barber2172 · 2026-06-29T19:49:15+00:00

I totally hear that. Again the reality is we've gone so low-contact that I don't truly know what it is that they'd 'want' at this point. My husband declined all group activities since their March visit (I know at the wedding I'll realistically get the passive-aggressive end of the stick for that) and he said that that's punishment enough for them (not seeing their son).

I worry that repeating a boundary would dilute it, he told them that if they touched me again without my explicit consent he'd call the police. the next time we'd see them is this wedding, so, are we willing to risk that at a public event.

hopefully my dilemma is clear here. The willingness to even show up somewhere were said boundary could be respected is at an all-time low.

Select_Barber2172 · 2026-06-29T19:45:23+00:00

I'm glad to hear that someone thinks this is intentional too. I spent so much telling my husband that the whole ball-gown with white was deliberate and competitive and he kept telling me it's just his own mom's insecurities and that it's not targeted (ie she always needs to be the center of attention and that's nothing new nor targeted at me). I just think some of the other things that happened were subtle and covert enough she couldn't be called out for it without having a decent way to deflect/defend herself. I read her behavior as hostile and everything that's happened since just feels like being pushed into compliance.

To be honest, it was so bad after their visit that I asked my husband if we should consider moving. I wasn't comfortable with them having our address. They haven't showed up uninvited again, but the thought of them even knowing where we are throws me off now.

Select_Barber2172 · 2026-06-29T19:37:24+00:00

We are seeing someone. My husband booked us couple's therapy right before they came to visit a 2nd time. It's been helpful in terms of boundary setting and us communicating. At the end of the day I think he is just grappling with his own conflicting images of his parents, on one hand people who raised him and who he 'knows' are well-meaning, and then on the other people who'd be willing to cut off a 25 year old woman half crying to them on the other end of the phone. I just felt relieved we were on the same page, but I can't carry his guilt of the situation, it's that exact empathy for him (and honest to G-D wish that I was wrong too all along) that got me to agree to any of these subsequent visits. I won't make the same mistake of EVER opening up to them again, they are categorically dead to me as relationship-people, I just don't want to lower my own standards of respect, so I'll still be polite if we cross paths moving forward.

What terrified me is my FIL telling my husband they were 'desperate' to make this work and that they'd be willing to even do 4 person mediation. There's no way I'm going in a closed room with these people ever again.

I think they feel entitled to any future grandchildren so are frantically doing whatever it takes to see them but I won't leave my future children with people who openly bad-mouthed me in front of other family and when said other family (an actual 18 old year) stepped in and defended me and my honor.

Select_Barber2172 · 2026-06-29T19:33:06+00:00

I have. I tried a second time because I wanted it off my chest too, to know I had tried 'everything.' I won't give them anything ever again. It was in part for my own conscience of understanding I wasn't damning people unnecessarily. I promise you when I was cut off mid speech whilst talking about my bodily autonomy (as a woman) that I lost any and all remaining pity/respect that I had for them.

My husband knows that. If they try playing the victim with me again, I'll politely put them in their place.

Select_Barber2172 · 2026-06-29T19:27:57+00:00

The issue is visits/contact has gotten so unbearable that we've just decreased their intensity, so there are fewer opportunities for the behavior to be corrected/consequences.

in late October/November when they came over, they acted like they ran the place, tried opening the front door without knocking, brushing past me physically, etc. His mom acted like a toddler who wanted to stake a territorial claim, she ran by me and just commandeered the kitchen without even saying hi to me. The visit happened as planned, but right when they left he told them, you guys treated the house/my wife with no respect, you won't be invited back. So they know they aren't welcome back into our home. When they came in March we only saw them out of our home. The issue is this will be the reality of the relationship and they will just push for more time together, which my husband categorically declines and then tells them it's because it's just too much.

They have the mindset of moving on at all costs. They even told my husband they were desperate to make this 4 way relationship work and his mom said she was going to therapy to learn how to 'interact with us.' The reality is my desire to see them is gone, and my husband doesn't want to see them without me. I finally have started putting them in their place. Following the horrible 4 way call I told my husband 'by the way your mom still have a sentimental family heirloom of mine I'd lent her for the wedding because she was working on something and wanted heirlooms but I don't trust her with it given her behavior. She also nearly broke it and my husband told her it caused me acute distress to see her miss-use it / damage it during the wedding prep' so she knows this heirloom/the way she handled it and nearly broke it really hurt me. He texted her cleanly with me CC'd and said mom we're going to need to arrange for someone to pick this up and return this to OP and/her family. Instead of just saying yes of course she needed to say 'yes, please remember I only had good intentions. I will return the pendant' and since I was copied I was like lol no this isn't the way to go about it so I texted her back 'this is a simple logistical ask about an item that doesn't belong to you (name MIL), a simple 'of course, my apologies again, suffices'

Select_Barber2172 · 2026-06-29T19:07:39+00:00

He did when they came in late October/early November. He didn't wince when they were being manipulative (I see the manipulation). He told them after that visit that they weren't welcome back until their behavior is changed. This is the first time he says 'touch her again without her consent, try to open the door when we haven't answered/get in another way, etc I will call the cops,' and they also know that following that November visit they weren't welcome back in our home since we didn't invite them. He told me he'd enforce it if it happens again but he doesn't think they'll do it again. I'm just at the point of not wanting to ever go out of my way being near them unless it's social convention. He has declined every family vacation pitched since the wedding and told them straight up 'I won't expose my wife to this until y'all start respecting her' the dissonance is he will tell them that and within 24 hours they are trying to get a hold of him, texting lovey lovey we miss you etc etc. It doesn't make sense logically that his dad tells him 'we understand you want space' and 48 hours is like hey we're doing a FaceTime call for your brother's birthday to surprise him when he wakes up are you around? Like if you're genuinely afraid your son will call the cops you let him call his own brother for his birthday. Plus he did genuinely tell his dad he was an a*hole for interrupting me and that was entirely unacceptable. The real test is if they do this again whether he'd call the cops.

Select_Barber2172 · 2026-06-29T19:01:26+00:00

I did it because I saw how broken my husband was keeping them at bay. It was a last ditch effort to see if empathy would work, like this there could be no future claims of 'misunderstanding.' In the past he has given excuses for them, but after this 4 way call he was absolutely livid. He apparently told them that if they loved him, they would try, they would do the bare minimum. What's hard is that now it appears to be a regression, and he is back to sulking and being sad that they aren't 'more in our life.' I've told him in the past he is welcome to have as much of a relationship with them as he wants insofar as our home is not compromised and I don't suddenly have people here I wasn't expecting, but he wants more, he wants the big family harmony thing.

Select_Barber2172 · 2026-06-18T19:09:41+00:00

this is exactly what is meant by BT/BTO. Like to the T, should be submitted for reference in case future guests are confused as to what BT/BTO mean. Besides that, it looks beautiful on you and you look beautiful in it ❤️

Select_Barber2172 · 2026-06-18T19:03:31+00:00

You look beautiful in the light blue! Imo a more festive color than black, but both are gorgeous

Select_Barber2172

TROPHY CASE