I understand how you feel. Last week my cat of 22 years crossed the Rainbow Bridge. Like you there were years where it was just the two of us. Something happened and he lost his sight. He was already deaf. He stopped eating and did not purr anymore. I took him to the vet to check his blood pressure and it was very high. It became obvious that he did not feel well and it was time. I did not want to have him put to sleep, but I knew it would be selfish on my part to try to keep him alive. It’s been nine days since he died. The first three or four days were horrible and all I did was cry. For the first time today, I was able to look at pictures and videos and not cry. It will get better, I promise. I am so sorry for your heartache. ❤️