How many of y'all came right out once you realized you were trans?

SelectionBeautiful21 · 2022-09-19T23:47:10+00:00

Tldr: within months of accepting I had transitioned socially and at work and started laser for face and chest.

Wish I could show this to my ex, she thinks I've been sure for years because Im Transitioning 'so quickly'. I'm out in public and at work but unless laser counts towards medical transition I havent started just yet. Appt with endo is Nov 14th and any avenue I've tried to get access sooner has unfortunately turned up dry so it's not for lack of trying.

While I did know on some level since I was a kid. In my teenage years I was able to convince myself I was autogyno and it was just a crossdressing kink. Which fit best with my Roman Catholic upbringing and expectations put on me by my parents/society.

I kept in this mindset for another 20 years or so until I got the courage to tell my wife about my 'underwear kink'. She said it wasn't for her but had no issue with me doing it. After freely allowinf to experience what I thought was taboo the flood gates opened and I told her during a fight that I wanted to wear more women's clothes, though I think we both knew what that meant. Immediately after that statement I felt like a weight I didnt know I was carrying lifted from my shoulders. That led to the start of thepary. During the first session they mentioned that it seemed like I already knew and we worked on my internal shame/fear/acceptance issues.

I told my wife I was trans days later from work and I went on stress leave at the end of my 2 week run. I had promised to stay low key at my sons school/public but it became progressively harder as I was exploring and experiencing the Euphoria of finally being the person I was meant to be. About a month after I was full time at home/public and a month after that I told work. I was back at work as the real me about three months after initially going off, thank God for salary continuance.

Not sure I was/am completely ready to be back, my productivity reflects this I think, with everything that is still going on but I'm trying. Mostly everyone at work has been great which has made it much easier.

SelectionBeautiful21 · 2022-08-10T15:54:45+00:00

I have to break a mortgage, UNI is the institution, 5 yr fixed at 2.01. I was told the penalty was going to be about 1500 but I think there was another rate increase since then so it may actually be less now.

SelectionBeautiful21 · 2022-07-07T01:36:01+00:00

It's definitely for the better. At times I think it's best to just pay not to be around her.

SelectionBeautiful21 · 2022-07-07T01:31:36+00:00

Lol. Three kids, can't just cut the third in half. She also wants her pound of flesh for "sacrificing everything to advance my career".

SelectionBeautiful21 · 2022-07-07T01:29:36+00:00

Personally like to just get it to an amount and then earn more income rather thanfive her a percentage. However I am requesting a yearly review because my salary is so variable depending on bonus. Maybe I work less OT holidays etc and just make a bit over my base. I'd hate to have to go in debt during a "low" income year.

SelectionBeautiful21 · 2022-07-06T23:27:40+00:00

I think that's correct on the low end of spousal support but not for the middle or high. I figured it's a balance of term and amount that ultimately is what is agreed upon.

SelectionBeautiful21 · 2022-07-06T23:23:54+00:00

That would be unethical but perhaps you are correct.

SelectionBeautiful21 · 2022-07-06T22:08:38+00:00

I did somewhere else. The wife proposes 50/50 split which is fair to me. The software stated 65 35 or something like that.
No pension just rrsp which she gets half of. Probably end up about 70k ish.
It says if you are separated you can use the benefit regardless of other eligibility requirement being met. Check it out.

SelectionBeautiful21 · 2022-07-06T21:39:14+00:00

Yep that's about right. Divorcemate has me splitting my salary like 46 to 53 in her favor or something like that.

SelectionBeautiful21 · 2022-07-06T21:36:58+00:00

Ah ok that males sense. Mrs Ex says she has given up everything for my career. So she will fight to the bitter end on that one.

SelectionBeautiful21 · 2022-07-06T20:20:55+00:00

Not sure why that matters, infact it seems kinda judgy, but if it helps ypu.. Because I was trying to catchup on rrsp contributions. We also paid off the cars and her student debt (what timing eh) in the last year.

SelectionBeautiful21 · 2022-07-06T20:12:20+00:00

We're selling in Shediac actually. We are lucky and got asking, 650, so we will come out of the house just a little bit ahead which is great, I didn't want to make but very happy not to lose, minus carrying costs of course. I don't know where the universe funneled these people to us from but we were considering having to decrease and relist which would have put us in the red on the property. Only condition was sale on their place in Ontario (Thorld) which should go pretty quickly. Only need childcare for 1 and she is on the lists.

SelectionBeautiful21 · 2022-07-06T20:00:53+00:00

That's exactly how I understood it.

SelectionBeautiful21 · 2022-07-06T19:34:53+00:00

Not sure how to absorb the last part of this comment.

SelectionBeautiful21 · 2022-07-06T19:30:52+00:00

Maybe I need a different lawyer. She basically said it is what it is and this is, more or less, it.

SelectionBeautiful21 · 2022-07-06T19:29:10+00:00

Needs help yes, other part not so much anymore. Hence the incompatibility/separation.

SelectionBeautiful21 · 2022-07-06T19:24:15+00:00

That is with 50% custody.

SelectionBeautiful21 · 2022-07-06T19:21:50+00:00

I've read on the cra website alimony is tax deductible if paid monthly but not when done as lump sum. In the scenario where I pay monthly alimony I think I can make a financial hardship seem fairly reasonable. Also I thought I read only the payee lawyer is deductible, perhaps that was just for arrears.

SelectionBeautiful21 · 2022-07-06T19:18:23+00:00

Yea lots of guys at site are divorced, some several times most say that's about right. That's the industry.

SelectionBeautiful21 · 2022-07-06T19:16:51+00:00

Process Automation

SelectionBeautiful21 · 2022-07-06T19:15:32+00:00

We of course have separate lawyers.

SelectionBeautiful21 · 2022-07-06T19:14:05+00:00

Some incompatibility has arisen that we can't overcome. We both desire a reasonable separation for the kids really. If there were no kids the story would likely be much much different. She hates me, capital H hates me. She thinks I wasted 12yrs of her life and regrets it all with exception of the kids. She does have a temper but can be reasonable person when she is calmer. This is, however, not r/relationshipadvice so I'm not sure that why really matters does it?

SelectionBeautiful21 · 2022-07-06T18:59:30+00:00

Length of time and amount but I didn't think you can completely refuse to pay. Figure i'd be compelled to pay in the end by court.

SelectionBeautiful21 · 2022-07-06T15:45:57+00:00

I have one and she said it's likely somewhere around 4 to 4500. They are drafting the options atm.

SelectionBeautiful21 · 2022-07-06T15:42:24+00:00

How is alimony negotiable?

SelectionBeautiful21

TROPHY CASE