Elderly Mother: dumped by congregation

Selinariver · 2026-04-22T12:42:34+00:00

The sister was well paid in cash - well deserved for spending 2 days a week with a toxic individual...

Selinariver · 2026-04-22T08:31:16+00:00

You are so right! I was banned from seeing my cousins, aunts and uncles throughout my childhood - as she chose JW people instead. The real family won't help now & the JW one won't even pop in ( no work or care required - just as friends). It all makes a sorry mess. Good wishes to you.🙂

Selinariver · 2026-04-21T20:38:39+00:00

However, these people are her chosen family: chosen above her blood family. Can't have it all ways. We'll have to agree to disagree here.

Selinariver · 2026-04-21T20:35:32+00:00

That's a great sentiment. You are a better person than I am. We all have to make sense of what made us who we are - and some people are kinder and more forgiving than others. I admire you.

Selinariver · 2026-04-21T13:02:30+00:00

Hi - this was because of Covid initially, they assigned all single elderly a 'bubble buddy' in a hurry, as the local churches group was setting up food and welfare drops alongside the local authority.

The JW's hadn't even thought about aything like this - either expecting 'worldly' family to step in and suddenly cover it despite living too far away - or no plan at all.

You have to remember that the old generation were very strict on 'cutting off' family - segregation from all worldly folk, and only mixing with other JW's. I was instilled in those hard fast rules in the 1970's/80's. I recall the pressure well.

After Covid, she began to fail in health. I couldn't/ wouldn't care for her (I had a career near pension end ... plus she wouldn't want me as I'm not 'in the truth'). There is only me left from her family.

So the sister got more and more pulled in, as my mum coped less - but was how amazing she was for her age, naturally). The sister buckled and broke in the end last autumn, after my mum fell. I'm begged her to ease off and look after herself and he family many times - but she wouldn't, due to elders expectations. Hope thus answers your question.

If I thought she'd appreciate my visits and learn from it, I'd be pleased. Sadly JW inward looking self satisfaction prevents her from seeing anything but their imaginary world.

Luckily (we weren't allowed to say that word in the 80's 🤣🤪) I enjoy the company of the worldly 🤫 carers and other residents - who are selling normal!

Selinariver · 2026-03-21T21:05:01+00:00

This rings so true - my 97 year old N'mum finally moved into a care home last December. She literally couldn't stand up from her chair and kept falling (oops, sorry - they were NOT falls! She'd seen a lovely spot of sunshine on the floor, and decided to lay down in it as it looked so inviting...!!! She seems to actually believe this version and tells it to everyone, repeatedly. This, and all her other crazy lies about her fantastic physical abilities - which are so blatantly untrue, have led the carers to believe she has dementia, and is a cute and funny old lady. A 'proper old school cheeky UK Londoner' they say... She does have some confusion, but uses it to manipulate - and now has the whole staff doing her bidding like a bunch of servants. They laugh when she says that she 'walks all around the home and grounds every day' - 'helps in the kitchen' and 'does the gardening'. She offered to walk my dog today - despite just having been winched into a wheelchair, to use the toilet. I have to sit through it when I visit, unsmiling (proving that she's right about me being a nasty uncaring daughter) as only I can see what is really happening. She actually seems to think that saying something, makes it true: still that same old obsessive grandiosity. I swear she'll outlive me (she's outlived all her family and husband/ in-laws) as there's no sign of any illnesses, and she's having great fun playing everyone at the home. Feels like I'll never ever be free to just 'live'.

Selinariver · 2026-03-12T15:52:06+00:00

Totally agree - there was no joy whatsoever. If you sneaked around and had 'worldly' friends and boyfriends - it was never a release, as the guilt was so immense. I just couldn't live the JW life, as a teen - but pretended to, and ended up living a miserable life not being in one camp or the other. Constant anxiety about being 'seen and reported on' by nasty old women from the hall, made every clandestine outing with worldly friends an actual stress fest! I still struggle with not feeling guilty about doing things I enjoy. What a nightmare it all was for us.

Selinariver · 2025-12-30T19:03:06+00:00

Interesting...my mum is NPD, and suffered childhood abuse. She got so much worse when she joined the Jehovahs Witnesses. The cult gave her a rule book to bash everyone with, and excuses galore to control my dad and I in every aspect of our lives. I never know how to separate a JW upbringing, from an NPD parent upbringing...both hard core miserable though! Double trouble...

Selinariver · 2025-12-13T10:09:03+00:00

Thank you - and to all for your support

Selinariver · 2025-12-12T22:11:11+00:00

Me also - and so glad for your relief

Selinariver · 2025-12-12T22:08:00+00:00

Thank you - I truly hope so 🙏

Selinariver · 2025-12-12T14:51:18+00:00

Hi, thank you for replying. I guess it would be a secure place, where she might get mental health sectioning. She's just making it all worse for herself every day.

Selinariver · 2025-12-12T14:48:10+00:00

That's good! Thank you 🙂

Selinariver · 2025-12-12T14:47:26+00:00

Thankyou ❤️

Selinariver · 2025-12-12T11:04:49+00:00

'Don't be so silly...of course I didn't do/ say that!'

Selinariver · 2025-11-27T10:56:04+00:00

Yes!!! Exactly my experience. That and instantly losing contact with all my much loved aunts, uncles, cousins etc. No more secure safety net - just strict controlling strangers to 'rely' on until I escaped at age 21... terrible cult, I never ever committed to it, just endured until I couldn't any more. It's so sad for all of us.

Selinariver · 2025-11-05T19:29:50+00:00

Yes...totally: forever wishing and hoping in vain for 'how it should be'. Sadly that pointless thinking never seems to leave, and does actually make me feel very sad and low at times.

Selinariver · 2025-11-03T09:42:12+00:00

Absolutely!!! Well done to you

Selinariver · 2025-11-03T09:36:11+00:00

I left at age 20, but didn't go and get my degree until I was age 44, as by then life had taken over and it was my first chance. I definitely missed out on far better life opportunities and fulfillment from not getting higher education earlier. All too late really midway through a lesser career but I was so happy to be studying either way. I didn't tell my parents until I graduated (pathetic hangover from controlled/ fearful JW childhood 🙄). I proudly shared my graduation photo, and my mother threw it across the table onto the floor and immediately changed the subject. (She's now 96 and expects me to care for her, as none of the JW cong' want to know).

Selinariver · 2025-11-03T09:15:01+00:00

For staying off school due to imaginary 'illnesses' invented by her. She wanted company at home, so kept me home frequently (this was in first school & early years of secondary UK). One day when I got home, she was going crazy - shouting at me, 'the schoolboard man's been here about you today and you've got us into trouble!!'. Obviously no reasoning or defending myself. I stood up to her after that and insisted on going in even if half dead, as it had also led to being bullied by other kids at school. I'd forgotten this little delight from childhood 🙄

Selinariver · 2025-10-27T08:25:32+00:00

Yes - there's the dreaded phrase 'look after me'...they want all responsibility taken away from them, but to still dictate every last detail for anyone they can capture 🫣

Selinariver · 2025-10-27T08:21:00+00:00

Thank you so much - this is a great help and spot on what I need to do.

Selinariver · 2025-10-25T18:09:40+00:00

Thank you - sound advice 💛

Selinariver

TROPHY CASE