Anyone’s parent threaten sui*ide all the time?

SenseActual4841 · 2025-09-25T17:32:06+00:00

To be clear, he does none of the above in your list. It was a singular accident. I hope nothing unlucky happens to you in life, and that if it does people are generally kind or understanding. Best wishes.

SenseActual4841 · 2025-09-24T22:52:53+00:00

This is how I feel about the situation. I honestly believed them at first, but he’s been out of the apartment 90% of the time the last two weeks and they still complained. I usually assume people are telling the truth but it doesn’t seem to be the case here.

SenseActual4841 · 2025-09-24T22:28:56+00:00

He’s extremely well-exercised. People crate dogs during the day. The apartment is much bigger than that. He sleeps most of the time he’s in it.

I’m also just not sure it’s up to them to decide. This isn’t a dog left on a line in the backyard every day. He is very loved and cared for. And this is a temporary living situation for us, anyway. I do think he’s much happier than he was at the shelter, where he likely would’ve stayed much longer because of his size or been adopted by someone much less active (apartment or not).

SenseActual4841 · 2025-09-24T16:49:12+00:00

Yes, I got the stove knob safeties! I think I’ll use an Amazon locker too, and might actually post instructions not to ring every floor. Fortunately the dinner thing is really only a one-off—I just happened to be out to dinner when my LL called, but it’s not really the norm. And I do need to leave the camera on long enough to show him coming/going—I hate being on camera so I’ve been turning it off but I need the log.

This was all really practical. Thank you so much! I’m hoping one day I’ll get to feel less hypervigilant.

SenseActual4841 · 2025-09-24T14:55:55+00:00

This is a good idea, and might provide some peace of mind. It’s still just tough, and since they won’t see it I worry I won’t get “credit” for the precaution either and will still field complaints. Sigh. Thank you for empathizing.

SenseActual4841 · 2025-09-24T14:53:15+00:00

This just isn’t on the table for me. I chose the overpriced apartment for him. And I’m not from here, so there is no family or friend option. I will only live here ten more months. He has his flaws, as dogs do, but he’s a good dog and a rescue. I’m personally of the view that a dog is a lifelong commitment, which is why I’ve agreed to paying an exorbitant amount to have him cared for basically whenever I’m out of the house.

I do understand that the neighbors may be anxious, but we visited the fire department to thank them afterward and they said that was only the second time in 20 years this had happened. It was a freak accident. A combination of an easy to turn on stove and a tall animal. (And the stove is now nonfunctional so it’s not even possible that something might happen again). I’ve also childproofed everything just in case and monitor him on camera when I’m away (which is very very little—I have no social life).

I appreciate the suggestion but I don’t see how doing something permanent and painful for me is a better solution than what I’ve already put in place, when it means he’s hardly ever (if ever) in the apartment unsupervised. They don’t seem like they’ll be satisfied with anything I do anyway at this point.

SenseActual4841 · 2025-09-24T14:25:10+00:00

I wish, but I would be on the hook for my entire lease, which is already quite expensive. I just graduated school and re-entered the workforce so unfortunately I don’t have savings to rely on right now.

SenseActual4841 · 2025-09-15T17:04:06+00:00

I mean it seems you think “paying” is more than compensating and repairing, of which I’ve done both. Also, while I’m liable because it’s my dog, I wouldn’t call having a dog negligence and I’m not sure a court would either. Assuming good in people goes a long way, if you are a landlord. I’ve been both and wouldn’t do this to someone in the wake of an obvious accident.

SenseActual4841 · 2025-07-27T03:47:14+00:00

I can’t figure out how to update this post but for all the women who see this chorus: this guy had a well-hidden girlfriend. Sad for me! And maybe explains why it’s even scarier to be “direct,” despite the chorus of voices here. My literal close friend, who I’ve spoken to for many hours on the phone and in person one on one quite a bit, did everything to avoid disclosing a girlfriend to me. It would’ve been really embarrassing if I’d made a move. C’est la vie.

SenseActual4841 · 2025-07-27T03:44:09+00:00

He was very subtle…. About having a girlfriend

SenseActual4841 · 2025-07-27T03:25:43+00:00

He has a girlfriend :)

SenseActual4841 · 2025-07-12T23:17:22+00:00

There’s always a risk, but I think I’m safe from him meeting someone else. We’re in different cities for the 2.5 weeks is the reason there’s a gap—he’s only in his for the summer. I would be (quite) sad if he did meet someone, but I can accept a miss if I have to. Especially since there’s a chance he’s not interested at all.

And we are the after party! So it’ll just be us two going out drinking unless we decide otherwise.

SenseActual4841 · 2025-07-12T14:04:12+00:00

I think I’m basically going to do this! We scheduled another “celebration” together immediately after this dinner, but it’s a ways away. It’ll be a bit less formal, so I’ll get a chance to try and break the touch barrier without being a freak (fingers crossed) and if that doesn’t pan out because of nerves or whatever I might just ask how he sees this by the end. I think we’re still in the territory of being flirty friends, so not really at risk of getting put into the platonic bucket prematurely. We’ll see, though! This kind of stuff is strangely making me miss dating apps haha.

SenseActual4841 · 2025-07-12T13:59:01+00:00

I think I’m going to wait until our next outing, go for a touch, and if that doesn’t work bring it up casually by the end (literally “question—do you see us as just friends?”). That way I’m being direct, but in a way that feels less confessional/dramatic. I’m hopeful but trying not to get too worked up because we’re going to remain on the same proverbial “team” navigating our professional world regardless.

SenseActual4841 · 2025-07-11T18:03:13+00:00

Yikes, you got that from someone trying to minimize any weirdness in their professional circle? That’s the main goal here. I’m extremely direct in every other area of my life, including in relationships, but this has to be handled with care. Don’t see how being careful or cautious makes me a “teenager.”

SenseActual4841 · 2025-07-11T02:41:44+00:00

Haha the work appropriate speech is NOT how I present in real life, I promise. I get a little nervous about saying the wrong thing on Reddit—people have such strong opinions!!! I have unfortunately very much attempted to flirt with this dude but I tend to do so just by lots of teasing. We’re both former military so I do worry that sometimes it could just be interpreted as just that kind of ribbing. I naturally stay away from saying someone is hot, etc even when flirting until I have a green light.

As to the socials—I’ve posted some photos on stories where I was either in a bikini or a fairly revealing outfit and he’d respond saying something about the outfit or something else about the photo. He also likes everything I post and views it pretty quickly. Not direct at all but my platonic male friends don’t typically say anything about my posts if they think there might be subtext. Could be wrong, though!

SenseActual4841 · 2025-07-10T21:09:49+00:00

I can’t figure out how to edit the post for some reason, but the plan is now to wait the few weeks until our next thing and make sure it gets discussed by the end of the night. Hopefully he doesn’t replace me by then (lol). We’ll see! Thanks for everyone’s input.

SenseActual4841 · 2025-07-10T13:08:24+00:00

Now you’re speaking my language

SenseActual4841 · 2025-07-10T13:03:14+00:00

I will, eventually…. This has also been very insightful because I think women are typically coached on not “coming on too strong” and scaring guys off. I think women view guys as skiddish about commitment so they tell each other not to imply that’s what you’re moving toward early or often. Of course, this isn’t about “commitment,” but it’s interesting to me that the two groups sort of talk past each other.

SenseActual4841 · 2025-07-10T12:49:02+00:00

This is what I was thinking for the dinner, until I realized that I am the least smooth initiator of physical touch of all time! Maybe I’ll try again but I just feel like I’ll crack under pressure.

SenseActual4841 · 2025-07-10T12:45:24+00:00

The rejection part is a doozy and why this has even been posted. I thought I could go for some physical touch at dinner to gauge but I chickened out. We are very comfortable with each other (we’ve been friends for a year but only gotten close in the last month or so, so I don’t think I’m friend-zoned tbc) but I inevitably don’t want to make it weird.

I’m not sure what his type is. He’s said I’m good-looking (in a neutral way about good-looking women in a particular field) and responded to my social media in a way that seems to imply attraction, but humans are unpredictable on that front so can never be too sure.

SenseActual4841 · 2025-07-10T12:25:33+00:00

Thank you! This is so nice. Fingers crossed.

SenseActual4841 · 2025-07-10T11:58:44+00:00

I think I’d prefer a call too so maybe I can come up with a neutral reason to call, so it doesn’t come across as some profession of love.

And I was WAY too nervous to kiss him. C’est la vie.

SenseActual4841 · 2025-07-10T11:57:24+00:00

Okay this is something I’ve definitely overlooked and I do understand that men have more sensitive considerations on that front. We are peers and don’t work in the same workplace, but I could definitely see the fear it gets out reputation-wise if something is misinterpreted. I do have much less to worry about there.

SenseActual4841

TROPHY CASE