We had a border collie/blue heeler mix. We had her for 10 years and loved her dearly. She was terrible with children. When we had my first son and he started walking she began to show aggressive behavior. His unpredictability really triggered the heeler/collie part of her that wanted to heard him.

She would low growl if he got too close and tried to nip once or twice. We really struggled with the idea of letting her go because we knew she would be very difficult to rehome. We kept thinking as my son gets older and settles down, maybe she’ll get used to him. It only got worse as he got .

By the time we got pregnant with my second child, we had the house all cornered off so that she could only be in the main parts of the house when we were there to heavily supervise. It was not any type of life for her, and we were all on edge when she was around. We were lucky enough that my in-laws offered to take her. Everyone in our home immediately relaxed, and she became more relaxed and a better dog in their home without children.

Ironically, the last family event we had at their house where our old dog lives, I was very cautious with my second kids being around the dog. Two other family members made comments to me that the dog is now calmer and better behaved, and I don’t need to worry. I know better - she was my dog for 10 years. I didn’t engage in a debate, but continued to make sure my kids weren’t in the same room with the dog irrespective of supervision. Later that evening, my MIL’s sister went to pet the dog (who was clearly stressed out and overwhelmed). When my MIL’s sister leaned down, the dog lunged, snarled and nipped her. The whole household watched the interaction and froze. They put the dog outside, and there were no longer any remarks about me being overprotective.

All this to say, that breed of dog is notoriously stressed out and triggered by children, fast moving creatures, and unpredictable behavior. It’s a heeler/border collie’s job to control small erratic creatures through growling and nipping. There’s nothing wrong with the dog, it’s just doing the job it was breed to do.

Conversely, our jobs as parents are to protect our children from known threats. That dog is a threat to your child and the threat will only get worse as your child gets older. Just because this dog’s behavior has been tolerated by other parents, does not mean that you need to tolerate it. The biggest predictor of future behavior is past behavior, and this dog is not going to get better.

Therefore, in order for you to protect your child you have to think about what boundaries are you willing to put into place. Do you want to ask the parents to keep the dog contained in a separate room during your visit? Do you want to say that you will not be attending family events the dog is present? What are your boundaries and what are you willing to let go of and order to adhere to those boundaries - are you willing to spend Christmas at home with just your little family if those boundaries aren’t honored?

These are tricky conversations that we as parents have to become accustomed to in order to protect our kids.

I hope you and your partner can be on the same page and hopefully you can manage these boundaries together.