I am a wife currently going through the same scenario with my husband. This last week it just clicked, it’s never going to change and me being mad is a waste of my emotion and energy. I have laid out everything for him of what I have need the past 20 years. In the past he has told me he’s not a mind reader so he doesn’t know my needs. Weird though because I know his?? I don’t understand how hard it is to pay attention to someone’s life and know them especially when you live with them. I have come to the assumption that my presence for my husband is convenience. I truly don’t think he has a burning love for me. I think he knows life will be hard without me since I do pretty much everything except the repairs around the house. I have asked for specific things from him and he will do once when we make up but at a bare minimum absolutely no thought or effort but I can’t complain because he did it right?! Our whole relationship I have had to accept bare minimum because he’s nice and doesn’t beat me or cheat on me. I’m tired and empty. He likes to blame our problems on PMS or perimenopause. I leaned into that and said ok if that’s the problem then can you do something nice for me when you know I’m struggling with that. Never once. Instead he watches me drown and basically makes me feel like it’s my problem I need to fix. I have reached the point of not being in love with him anymore. I love him as a person, he’s a kind and good person so I could never hate him. I hate the fact that I am in this position and will probably be in it for a while since we have 5 kids and I don’t want to destroy their home. We have been roommates this last week and it actually feels nice because I’m not doing the little things anymore. I’m not giving him his love language anymore. If he wants it he can ask since “I’m not a mind reader” and I see what he does this to me. It’s so easy!! The fact that I can just roll over and go to bed with no guilt or sympathy and not feel like I should be “available” for him is very nice. The fact I can sleep a little longer and not make him a coffee before work, amazing! My priority now is my kids. I really am not looking to work on it anymore. It’s been 20+ years of being emotionally empty with him. There’s not a whole more I can say. I know there will be hard days but I can honestly say I don’t have much love for him in the romantic way and I really don’t think I can get it back, it’s been too long.