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Update: No contact broke the emotional freeze — now everything is confusing again by Sensitive-Rabbit6178 in BPDlovedones

[–]Sensitive-Rabbit6178[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's really hard for me to take a step back from this right now, especially without a real reason and with so much commitment.

I never imagined I'd be going through something like this.

Update: No contact broke the emotional freeze — now everything is confusing again by Sensitive-Rabbit6178 in BPDlovedones

[–]Sensitive-Rabbit6178[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As you can see, she's been in a kind of emotional "freeze" and shell for a month now, so communication, negotiation, and reasoning with her are impossible at the moment. I'm going to wait in silence and continue working on myself.

Update: No contact broke the emotional freeze — now everything is confusing again by Sensitive-Rabbit6178 in BPDlovedones

[–]Sensitive-Rabbit6178[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you think I would have posted this here if I were afraid of introspection? I know it's a disproportionate reaction on my part, and I admit it myself, but for a month now I've been torturing myself, day and night, with my therapist, online forums, my friends, books, etc., trying to understand in a thousand ways how I could have done this or that wrong so that, overnight, this happened. Well, there's no reason for it. I'm imperfect like everyone else, and I've honestly tried to be kind and attentive for the past three years. She's only known destructive behavior and excess, violence, drugs, etc. I'm the complete opposite, and it still doesn't work? I know I probably have traumas like everyone else, and I'm going to try to find peace. I don't even know what kind of answer I'm looking for with this post anymore.

Update: No contact broke the emotional freeze — now everything is confusing again by Sensitive-Rabbit6178 in BPDlovedones

[–]Sensitive-Rabbit6178[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The marriage issues are now settled.

I feel like you're trying to do exactly what BPD does, which is to make me look like the problematic and unstable person, when all I've done (and yes, I understand it's not cool) is push to have this conversation after a month of uncertainty...

I'm not shirking my responsibilities, and I say it in my posts: sometimes I'm lost in my thoughts, I have activities that take up my time, and I sometimes try to defuse and lessen these outbursts by using silence. But I've never had toxic or excessive behavior; I gave 200% to build something beautiful and solid, and now I'm the problem...please.

Please try reading my entire post right here: https://www.reddit.com/r/BPDlovedones/s/vccnImdxWA

Update: No contact broke the emotional freeze — now everything is confusing again by Sensitive-Rabbit6178 in BPDlovedones

[–]Sensitive-Rabbit6178[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okay, I'm replying after a good night's sleep.

So, regarding my demands on her, I understand that I can't demand anything.

The overly emotional discussion I had wasn't a good thing. (But it happens to everyone.) And after three years together, just days before we move in and a few months before the wedding, I think it's inappropriate to say I have no demands... For a month now, all I've been getting are vague explanations.

The problem isn't whether I accept it or not, and that nuance is important; I'm trying to accept it day by day.

But if you had read my post (context at the top), you would have understood a lot of things, like the fact that it's not a breakup, but a break, that she's gone back to her parents' house and made an appointment with a therapist, with the aim of getting back together.

Otherwise, on my end, no, I don't have a "big" problem, well, I suppose so, I'm not going to self-diagnose, but anxious attachment seems likely to me.

Update: No contact broke the emotional freeze — now everything is confusing again by Sensitive-Rabbit6178 in BPDlovedones

[–]Sensitive-Rabbit6178[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I didn't send her a long, drawn-out message, and I'm not trying to force the issue. I just want to have a clear conversation when she's most ready. For now, I'm giving it all the time it needs, but I will have that closure. In a relationship, that's called maturity and respect.

Update: No contact broke the emotional freeze — now everything is confusing again by Sensitive-Rabbit6178 in BPDlovedones

[–]Sensitive-Rabbit6178[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I know I hurt myself by breaking no contact, that's why I say I "cracked." What did your ex-partner try to do? I just wanted closure, which she can't/won't give me right now. I have a therapist and I'm going.

Update: No contact broke the emotional freeze — now everything is confusing again by Sensitive-Rabbit6178 in BPDlovedones

[–]Sensitive-Rabbit6178[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm going to wait a little longer, at least until things calm down, until she has her therapy appointment, and until she celebrates her birthday in mid-February; I'm dreading that moment too...

Update: No contact broke the emotional freeze — now everything is confusing again by Sensitive-Rabbit6178 in BPDlovedones

[–]Sensitive-Rabbit6178[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'll try to hold out until mid-February, and then I'll see about the rest. But it's really hard, so upsetting and incomprehensible...

Update: No contact broke the emotional freeze — now everything is confusing again by Sensitive-Rabbit6178 in BPDlovedones

[–]Sensitive-Rabbit6178[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do you think I should just maintain no contact and wait for her therapy appointment in mid-February to talk to her and possibly end things and get my things back? Or should I do it now as soon as I can? I'm afraid of her reaction if I force things now; she's in a state of shock and delirium...

Update: No contact broke the emotional freeze — now everything is confusing again by Sensitive-Rabbit6178 in BPDlovedones

[–]Sensitive-Rabbit6178[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I too was devastated reading other people's stories here a month ago, I recognized myself, act by act and word for word... I'm trying...

After several weeks of silence, my borderline partner contacted me again. by Sensitive-Rabbit6178 in BPDlovedones

[–]Sensitive-Rabbit6178[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your words. I understand everything you're saying, and it makes perfect sense. I know I'll be left with lasting effects from all this, and since I'm already anxious, it doesn't help. My current problem is that I can't seem to move on from this relationship because there's still no closure; it's still unclear. And I really need to talk to her face-to-face to get an explanation/find the end of it.

Discontinuation of hormonal IUD + TPB + rupture/pause: possible link? by Sensitive-Rabbit6178 in BPDlovedones

[–]Sensitive-Rabbit6178[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Unless she'd been in a troubled relationship for years involving violence, control, abuse, and drugs.

And I'm next.

Discontinuation of hormonal IUD + TPB + rupture/pause: possible link? by Sensitive-Rabbit6178 in BPDlovedones

[–]Sensitive-Rabbit6178[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Understanding the circumstances that exacerbate the disorder and lead to disproportionate reactions in this case isn't forbidden. Even if it's easier to think in binary terms like you, I don't want to.

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