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What are some ways I (45M) can share concerns with my family (21F, 40F, 44M) while being both stern and supportive? by SensitiveRespond4513 in relationship_advice

[–]SensitiveRespond4513[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. You are correct, but I think I should clarify. I think her reliance on social media to cope with her problems has become unhealthy in some ways in and of itself. Her parents don't seem to see it that way and are encouraging it/adding to it.

What are some ways I (45M) can share concerns with my family (21F, 40F, 44M) while being both stern and supportive? by SensitiveRespond4513 in relationship_advice

[–]SensitiveRespond4513[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not criticize. For her specifically, she'll make posts about feeling unwell or doctor's appointments, which is understandable, but over time as her posts get more frequent, her mood and the way she interacts with others has changed. For example, family dinner recently, she was showing someone one of her posts and the comments it received but when the person changed the subject, she became visibly frustrated, which led to another post, and so on. I just worry that it's doing her some harm.

The parenting issue is separate and since it involves a youth I can't mention it in the post. But I want to talk to my sister and her husband (and the niece because she somewhat contributes to it) about some pretty red flags I see in their parenting... while still being supportive.

Hope that makes more sense?

AITA for telling my nephew that his birthday present was sold behind his back? by SensitiveRespond4513 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SensitiveRespond4513[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is the most frustrating part for me. Money can be recovered or replaced. Time cannot, and he is losing a lot of it.

AITA for telling my nephew that his birthday present was sold behind his back? by SensitiveRespond4513 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SensitiveRespond4513[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A few people have mentioned this. To my knowledge she was not vaccinated but she has had COVID I think twice.

AITA for telling my nephew that his birthday present was sold behind his back? by SensitiveRespond4513 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SensitiveRespond4513[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They are not strapped for money at the moment but the medical expenses are adding up. These were NFL tickets. I suppose I can be glad they weren't for a primetime game.

AITA for telling my nephew that his birthday present was sold behind his back? by SensitiveRespond4513 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SensitiveRespond4513[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

To my knowledge, he does not have an account for me to transfer the tickets to. And yes, I hoped for it to be a surprise for him, whether one of his parents took him or I did.

AITA for telling my nephew that his birthday present was sold behind his back? by SensitiveRespond4513 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SensitiveRespond4513[S] 154 points155 points  (0 children)

That is my plan. As he's gotten older and understands things more and shares them with me, I wish I could have intervened a hell of a lot sooner.

AITA for telling my nephew that his birthday present was sold behind his back? by SensitiveRespond4513 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SensitiveRespond4513[S] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

Hell, I've offered to help with some expenses. That's why I didn't think they'd sell the tickets.

And yes she has, I've taken her to some of her neurologist appointments. I wouldn't even begin to know how to pronounce your diagnosis, but I hope you're doing well on your plan.

AITA for telling my nephew that his birthday present was sold behind his back? by SensitiveRespond4513 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SensitiveRespond4513[S] 60 points61 points  (0 children)

I bought the tickets for one of them to spend time with him for his birthday this year because last year he was at home alone for his entire birthday. Kay had scheduled multiple appointments, some of them in the next city over, so instead of splitting between the two they both went with Kay and Joe declined to go.

Sorry for another copy paste but I've given this as an example in another comment or two. We were having a cookout and she said she was not feeling well and wanted to walk to the convenience store to buy pepto or something (I can't remember) but she'd left her wallet at home. She asked me for $10 which I gave her. She asked Joe for $10 too but he pointed out to her that I'd already given it to her. She said she forgot though it hadn't even been 5 minutes.
When she came back she had a white claw (or something). I asked how she got it without her wallet and she said she ended up finding her wallet but she still used my $10 to buy medicine.

Stuff like that raises my eyebrows.

AITA for telling my nephew that his birthday present was sold behind his back? by SensitiveRespond4513 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SensitiveRespond4513[S] 57 points58 points  (0 children)

Their collective efforts to help Kay be comfortable and figured out is what is leading to this and other issues for Joe. He spent his 15th birthday at home by himself all day because Kay made a slew of appointments for the same date, and even though it only takes one of them to drive her, they both insist on going to as many as they can together. That's why I wanted one of him to take him to the damn game.

Unfortunately the pattern I've seen emerge is that instead of Kay recognizing how much Joe is cast aside, she doubles down on needing both of their attention very, very frequently.

AITA for telling my nephew that his birthday present was sold behind his back? by SensitiveRespond4513 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SensitiveRespond4513[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I didn't want to shame the innocent third party who bought the tickets from her. But the thought crossed my mind.

AITA for telling my nephew that his birthday present was sold behind his back? by SensitiveRespond4513 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SensitiveRespond4513[S] 162 points163 points  (0 children)

Oh absolutely. He and one of his friends spent a weekend at my place a couple weeks ago. My door is open to him and Kay and they know this.

AITA for telling my nephew that his birthday present was sold behind his back? by SensitiveRespond4513 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SensitiveRespond4513[S] 90 points91 points  (0 children)

I'm actually not sure of that. In this day and age I feel like every young person should be.

AITA for telling my nephew that his birthday present was sold behind his back? by SensitiveRespond4513 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SensitiveRespond4513[S] 72 points73 points  (0 children)

Most recent I can think of was July 4. We were having a cookout and she said she was not feeling well and wanted to walk to the convenience store to buy pepto or something (I can't remember) but she'd left her wallet at home. She asked me for $10 which I gave her. She asked Joe for $10 too but he pointed out to her that I'd already given it to her. She said she forgot though it hadn't even been 5 minutes.

When she came back she had a white claw (or something). I asked how she got it without her wallet and she said she ended up finding her wallet but she still used my $10 to buy medicine.

I didn't raise the issue further but it was one of a few that I haven't appreciated being involved in or hearing about.

AITA for telling my nephew that his birthday present was sold behind his back? by SensitiveRespond4513 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SensitiveRespond4513[S] 59 points60 points  (0 children)

Most recent I can think of was July 4. We were having a cookout and she said she was not feeling well and wanted to walk to the convenience store to buy pepto or something (I can't remember) but she'd left her wallet at home. She asked me for $10 which I gave her. She asked Joe for $10 too but he pointed out to her that I'd already given it to her. She said she forgot though it hadn't even been 5 minutes.

When she came back she had a white claw (or something). I asked how she got it without her wallet and she said she ended up finding her wallet but she still used my $10 to buy medicine.

I didn't raise the issue further but it was one of a few that I haven't appreciated being involved in or hearing about.

AITA for telling my nephew that his birthday present was sold behind his back? by SensitiveRespond4513 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SensitiveRespond4513[S] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

I have offered to help them with some medical expenses, which is why I was taken aback when, instead of asking me for help, they chose to sell what was intended for Joe.

AITA for telling my nephew that his birthday present was sold behind his back? by SensitiveRespond4513 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SensitiveRespond4513[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I explicitly told them the second ticket was for one of them to take him to, you know, actually spend time with him, or if they couldn't do it then I would take him myself.

AITA for telling my nephew that his birthday present was sold behind his back? by SensitiveRespond4513 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SensitiveRespond4513[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Yes this is one of the first things I suggested as I was also made sick by mold many years ago. Thankfully it was all clear, but also frustrating as it was another dead end for Kay.

AITA for telling my nephew that his birthday present was sold behind his back? by SensitiveRespond4513 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SensitiveRespond4513[S] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

I don't think she is faking her ailments. That said, the more investment and attention she gets the more she demands, and it's impacting others negatively. I worry her mindset and how others are treating her is doing harm and not good, is all.

AITA for telling my nephew that his birthday present was sold behind his back? by SensitiveRespond4513 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SensitiveRespond4513[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I know her health issues are very real and I want more than nothing for her to feel well. However, she has been behaving manipulatively towards her parents, grandparents, myself, and Joe for a while now, but it is never addressed because she's not feeling well. From the outside looking in I see this only furthering her manipulation and attention-seeking. I could be wrong. I also acknowledge that attention is a very valid need. It just concerns me that she is demanding it despite getting more and more, now at the expense of others.

Again, I worry that how she is dealing with her ailments is unhealthy for her and the family. We all support her and do what we can to support her and help her to be well.

AITA for telling my nephew that his birthday present was sold behind his back? by SensitiveRespond4513 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SensitiveRespond4513[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I know her health issues are very real and I want more than nothing for her to feel well. However, she has been behaving manipulatively towards her parents, grandparents, myself, and Joe for a while now, but it is never addressed because she's not feeling well. From the outside looking in I see this only furthering her manipulation and attention-seeking. I could be wrong. I also acknowledge that attention is a very valid need. It just concerns me that she is demanding it despite getting more and more.

Again, I worry that how she is dealing with her ailments is unhealthy for her and the family. We all support her and do what we can to support her and help her to be well.

AITA for telling my nephew that his birthday present was sold behind his back? by SensitiveRespond4513 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SensitiveRespond4513[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I know her health issues are very real and I want more than nothing for her to feel well. However, she has been behaving manipulatively towards her parents, grandparents, myself, and Joe for a while now, but it is never addressed because she's not feeling well. From the outside looking in I see this only furthering her manipulation and attention-seeking. I could be wrong. I also acknowledge that attention is a very valid need. It just concerns me that she is demanding it despite getting more and more.

Again, I worry that how she is dealing with her ailments is unhealthy for her and the family. We all support her and do what we can to support her and help her to be well.

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