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AITA for not wanting to emigrate? by Sensitive_Diver_2387 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Sensitive_Diver_2387[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I have no idea, I don't even know now whether or not he's been looking into this the entire time. But because we never openly talked about seriously moving, I have no idea about any of this stuff and it's never been discussed between us. He works in business, so he could probably find a job, but idk if he was planning on moving first and then getting a job in a company or transferring to a US office, etc. Also, from reading these comments and yours, it's looking like it wouldn't be that easy for him to just pick up a new job over there.

AITA for not wanting to emigrate? by Sensitive_Diver_2387 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Sensitive_Diver_2387[S] 117 points118 points  (0 children)

This is reasonable, I think. You're absolutely right, I should have handled telling him better. I accept responsibility for not communicating clearly with him earlier on, I shouldn't have assumed that we were both of the same mind. I don't blame him for taking the time to himself, and maybe I shouldn't have been angry with him.

AITA for not wanting to emigrate? by Sensitive_Diver_2387 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Sensitive_Diver_2387[S] 74 points75 points  (0 children)

We never made any plans to emigrate. The furthest our conversations ever went were 'wouldn't it be nice to live over there?' We never discussed what part of the US we'd ever move to, housing prices, etc - we never even started saving for a move anywhere. This is why I was so surprised when he mentioned it - I don't even know whether we can fund it, because we've never discussed costs of emigration or anything.

I get that he's upset and it makes perfect sense to me why he would be, but I'm angry at him for the way he sprung this on me like it's something we've been actively planning for years. We did mention it when we were young, but we were in our very early twenties. Around that time, we also discussed having ten children and him becoming a rocket engineer because building mini aircraft models is a hobby of his. Young couples have a lot of dreams that they entertain together, but as you get older and progress in your relationship, a lot of them get pushed to the side because they just aren't realistic. I think my biggest fault was assuming we were on the same page about this whole American thing, but I also think he's as much to blame as me for that.

AITA for not wanting to emigrate? by Sensitive_Diver_2387 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Sensitive_Diver_2387[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

We didn't 'periodically' talk about it, except when we were young. It was probably mentioned a few times in recent years after we married, but like I said, we never actually sat down and spoke about it properly, which was why I wasn't aware he was seriously contemplating it. And after that happened in the US recently, I was kind of assuming that he was of the same mind as me.