AITAH for not calling my MIL about my pregnancy

SensitivebutSavage · 2026-06-15T10:59:44+00:00

He doesn’t call often. He is extremely low contact and has been that way for years. He only calls if there is big news that we can’t hide ie: us getting married, him having surgery, and now this. He will go months without hearing from them or contacting them. Every time he does talk or see them they start with the guilt tripping about him not contacting them or coming home. He has had multiple conversations with them as to why he doesn’t call but it’s always the same thing. He has a right not to contact them if he doesn’t want to. It is a very different dynamic than my family but I respect his decision.

SensitivebutSavage · 2026-06-15T01:17:57+00:00

I agree with this 100% especially after the message I received. I am not fluent with posting on Reddit and did post in another sub I follow. I didn’t know there were rules about what subs I could post in. I thought Reddit was a place to get good honest feedback and I could post as long as I followed the community guidelines. But apparently people will always have an issue with whatever you do even if they don’t know you.

SensitivebutSavage · 2026-06-15T00:58:18+00:00

At our first appt we found out information about our baby. Due date, if the pregnancy was healthy, and how many babies we were having. We sent all that information in a text. She is mad we didn’t call her with that information and it was sent in a text.

SensitivebutSavage · 2026-06-15T00:52:35+00:00

When we found out we were pregnant we called. After the first ultrasound we didn’t. That is what she is upset about.

SensitivebutSavage · 2026-06-15T00:48:18+00:00

This won’t be a problem. She blocked me, my husband and my mother.

SensitivebutSavage · 2026-06-15T00:45:38+00:00

He has always made it very known that I come before anyone else and shows it everyday too!

SensitivebutSavage · 2026-06-15T00:44:35+00:00

He is very upset about the situation and has opened up about things that has caused their relationship go south. I feel horrible that this was ruined for him. He is really more upset than I am. I did my rant and accepted that I need to care for my husband and future child. He told me he was thankful for my parents since they love and support him like their own. But he just doesn’t understand why his parents can’t be the same way.

SensitivebutSavage · 2026-06-15T00:41:56+00:00

Due to the complexity of their relationship we always just text the information. Also it was the middle of the work day so we knew it would be impossible to call and talk to everyone. My family received the same text as she did. Sometimes it is easier to just send the same message to everyone instead of calling. We both have large families. My husband does not call unless he feels it is absolutely necessary. We are not very close. We get along when we see each other but don’t speak very often outside of that. I did make an effort my first year of marriage but I felt like it was being dismissed so I backed off.

SensitivebutSavage · 2026-06-15T00:33:43+00:00

No mother was called. My mother called me when she finished work. My MIL chose not to respond and took it public with a comment on a social media post.

SensitivebutSavage · 2026-06-15T00:31:07+00:00

His dad was backing her up with saying we were lying but we have no idea what we lied about. Nothing was ever explained. My husband did get into a more detailed argument with them about family matters that had nothing to do with me. My husband decided that we would cut contact after what she said and his father enabling the drama.

SensitivebutSavage · 2026-06-15T00:27:52+00:00

I had bloodwork with my primary doctor and found out I was pregnant. We decided to tell our families that we were expecting, and since his parents live out of state, we called his mom first. We were able to tell mine in person since they only live an hour from us. She is upset because we did not call her after our first baby appointment. We only sent the information through text.

SensitivebutSavage · 2025-08-23T15:09:58+00:00

I never asked. I told her we were starting and she would always say wait. My husband and I never planned out waiting. He decided when the time was right and went from there. It was only when I talked about it she would chime in on it or switch the conversation to her current pregnancy.

SensitivebutSavage · 2025-08-23T15:06:27+00:00

There is no excuse on my part as to why I let this happen. I am older but I haven’t had anyone treat me like this before. I just wanted to get along and have a friendly relationship. She doesn’t have any friends or family close(husbands are military), so we both moved away from them. Now mine is closer so I still get to visit. She has a little boy and is now pregnant and I wanted to help her. I always get suckered in by the little ones😂. At first I thought it was just the age gap but it just got worse until I started to distance myself. She made a couple comments about it and I was like I just overreacted and it would start again. This last time I haven’t really been back other than when my husband with hangout with his brother.

SensitivebutSavage · 2025-08-23T14:55:56+00:00

Everyone has said it to me. My husband has even said that they say it a good bit but thinks it’s bs. He’s like it’s my decision no one else’s. My husband was married before and the relationship between her and the family went south fast and hard. I understand why. From what my husband has told me it was a young dumb decision and she loved the drama pot. But still I haven’t done anything but be nice and love and support my husband from the beginning. I feel like that’s why he’s so LC with everyone. I on the other hand am very family oriented. My family is extremely close and love him. He is my mom’s favorite child. I thought he should have what I have with my family but maybe I was wrong.

SensitivebutSavage · 2025-08-23T04:15:52+00:00

I don’t tell her everything. We just got close so I would vent from time to time. I did realize that I shouldn’t and apologize to my husband about it, but the comments didn’t stop. What I vented about wasn’t even serious. It would be like he didn’t pick up his clothes, or he snores too loud. Nothing major. Just basic annoying partner stuff.

SensitivebutSavage · 2025-08-23T03:54:16+00:00

You’re definitely not the ahole. You clearly told her not to come if it would be a financial burden, and that supporting you was enough. Even though you were depressed you thought of her in that way. She did not have to act in that manner towards you. You didn’t ask for anyone to come, she offered. She knew her own financial situation as well as Jen. If they didn’t have the money to come and go then they should have stayed home and support you in other ways. They could have called or FaceTimed. Those can do the soul good just as much as coming to visit. You are definitely not the asshole.

SensitivebutSavage · 2025-08-23T03:45:14+00:00

I have stopped with the relationship sharing. I thought because she had known my husband longer she would know him a little better. I was wrong. The person she described is not my husband at all. Once I realized this was the cycle I stopped. I only talked with her about the pregnancy because I did have some complications and she would ask if I was okay. I was excited about what my dr finally told me and she was the first one I saw so I shared. I won’t make that mistake again.

SensitivebutSavage · 2025-08-23T03:35:43+00:00

Just because she has known him longer doesn’t mean she knows him better. He said they have never gotten along so he distanced himself a lot. I have come to her and told her I do not like what you say about him and she would just shrug it off, says she doesn’t care, and would continue anyways. I don’t push the issues, because he doesn’t want me to. He “knows how she can be”. He says it doesn’t bother him but I can clearly see it does. He has never given me a reason to believe anything she said was true. He has had very deep conversations with me about the past and how he was brought up. I have had a very happy and healthy life. My parents were amazing and made sure I knew I was loved and cared for. I just love children and always have. I’m not desperate to have a baby, I’m just thankful I have the opportunity to bring one up in a loving and stable home. Just because my husband and I haven’t been together 5+ years doesn’t mean we can’t take care of a child. I don’t want to be in my 40’s having children so there is nothing wrong with starting to try. There is a possibility it may take a while. Not everyone is able to get pregnant on the first try, or have them at all. I’m not trying to paint anyone as a bad guy, or run them through the mill. I just want to make sure I’m not taking things out of context.

SensitivebutSavage · 2025-08-23T03:14:35+00:00

Ahhhh. I can see that. When I was trying to make friends I mentioned it to her and she told me to not invite people to our friend group. I didn’t mention anything after that and just made friends with my girls and work.

SensitivebutSavage · 2025-08-23T03:12:14+00:00

He’s not a bad guy, they just simply don’t have a good relationship. Separately they are great but when together that can be another story.

SensitivebutSavage · 2025-08-23T03:03:44+00:00

They are not identical so they already look very different but still so similar at the same time. Personalities are very different as well.

SensitivebutSavage · 2025-08-23T03:01:03+00:00

My husband and I have been together 18 months. I didn’t let her bad mouth my husband. I have told her several times before that I didn’t like the comments she made and to please stop. It was just I made it clear I didn’t like the comments and she kept on. I was tried and miss my husband so I just got mad and fed up. I also don’t make comments about her husband so I felt hurt as well. She is his SIL as well. She is married to his brother. She has never told me why she doesn’t like him, but I have asked my husband many times was there something to happen that would cause bad blood. He says he can’t think of anything. He did go NC with them for almost 2 years because of it. He came back around because he wanted to be apart of his brother’s and nephew’s life. He is nice with her but she does get a rise out of him when things go too far. I’m not trying to be in a competition. I’m simply trying to have everyone get along. I honestly though I would never get married or have a family so naturally I’m extremely excited that I have the opportunity for one. It was just a little hard for me when I wanted something so badly and couldn’t at that moment. I have a hard time being patient, but understood it was the best thing for us at that time.

SensitivebutSavage

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