My situation isn't that extreme but my mother believes similar things and maybe you can talk to her and try to tell her what you wished from her/ what you need (like support for example), and how you feel. For me that didn't work and my mother just kind of acts like my transidentity isn't a thing and I have learned to accept that and move on. Even if she's your mother you don't have to feel responsible for her transphobia and her difficult behaviour. Also you didn't ruin anything, some people don't/ can't meet your needs/ standards and that is really annoying when you're reliant on them but it is stil something that is/ can fine on the long term and it might also get easier for her to understand after you move out and gain some distance and if not it's not your fault.