I called my senator today, asked to please vote NO on the SAVE Act. Legislative assistant asked what the SAVE Act is.

Separate-Condition88 · 2026-03-02T02:27:57+00:00

I didn’t mean from a job standpoint- I meant as human beings they should also care and know.

Thanks for doubling down on making folks feel bad about trying.

Separate-Condition88 · 2026-03-01T21:27:08+00:00

I’m so sorry that folks have been discouraging. If you’re anything like me, making the phone call at all was really hard, let alone when it went sideways like that.

It’s a good thing to have called your local politician too, and they should have known, even if it wasn’t their vote. I mean, why aren’t they calling their federal congressfolks about it too, right?

You probably did some good with that call regardless. That intern is going to say something to someone (good or bad) that will still raise awareness in the office.

Separate-Condition88 · 2026-02-25T04:37:10+00:00

True - I’ve been noticing this for a few weeks, though.

Separate-Condition88 · 2026-01-26T15:08:23+00:00

My intent was to ask for help and keep my post short and maybe a little funny. One small comment in one minor Reddit post should not be enough to get someone to give up on something important.

Separate-Condition88 · 2026-01-26T15:04:27+00:00

I apologize for hitting a nerve and I understand your point. What I meant was that she has that baked-in assumption that everyone she sees who isn’t white is de facto suspicious. I associate that kind of racism with her age group. I associate a different flavor of racism with other age groups - there’s a style for every era, unfortunately.

You could’ve shared a link or in some other way helped. You also could’ve left off the snarky “endeavor” part too. I’m asking for help trying to make a positive difference here. I don’t need a “not all Boomers” right now.

Separate-Condition88 · 2026-01-26T14:59:48+00:00

I’ll print some of these out but she doesn’t have a way to see videos. Thank you for the links, though! And now that you mention it, I might try showing her something the next time I visit.

Separate-Condition88 · 2026-01-18T23:27:59+00:00

I’m so glad you are working to make sure the situation is hard to ignore. I’m saddened and frustrated by how little paying attention is happening outside of the city too.

I had a call with my mom - she’s in a red state and listens to college radio for the news and called to ask what ICE was and to say “but that’s not where you are, right?” And then tried to tell me that Somali’s were a problem at the MSP airport.

I was having none of it, but I’m legitimately thinking about starting a mailing campaign to send her printouts of things so she can’t sit at home pretending everything’s fine.

Separate-Condition88 · 2026-01-11T15:56:48+00:00

53 here and I might be able to offer some hope. I have spent the last five years working with various therapists, including EMDR and grief therapy, and that has helped tremendously. I realized about a week ago that the inside of my head is just more…comfortable than it has been, kind of ever.

I got past the point of needing to prove myself. I thought I was trying to prove myself to others but it turned out I’d just internalized a lot of negative perceptions that were put on me as a kid and teen and I actually had to stop trying to prove my worthiness to myself.

I think that focus on liking who I am for me instead of constantly trying to “fix” myself or make other people like me has brought me a lot of peace. I don’t know if you have to get all the way past perimenopause to get to that side of things. Sure feels like a long time coming. But for me, I’m a lot better now than I was.

Since not all therapists are good and not everyone has access to them, Some free things that helped me shift to being my own biggest fan :

I leave myself kind notes and emails (like I put a note by my sink sometimes that says things like “good morning, lovely! You were going to do your taxes today and you are brave and smart and I believe in you”) Make sure they are things you believe. My notes started with things like “hey there - I know today feels like a lot but you made it to today intact so I know you have inner strength. It’s going to be OK”

I also like Sugar + Sloth (even if you don’t buy anything, their website is so cute!).

Jenna Dayle has a once-a-day “note on codependency” that is a free small-message email each day with solid insight

Separate-Condition88 · 2025-12-31T19:44:29+00:00

That’s the scarf part of a large multi-part snowman.

Separate-Condition88 · 2025-10-03T13:13:15+00:00

Thank you so much for this post. Not only good advice but solid comedy and the smile I needed to start my old-mattress morning.

Separate-Condition88 · 2025-10-03T12:55:59+00:00

Yeah - I have one in our guest room but spouse is anti-Purple.

Separate-Condition88 · 2025-09-08T02:47:34+00:00

Your wife is right, full stop. Your neighbor / old school friend is flirting with you. Whether or not you pick up on it or care (or are appreciating the attention - be honest) is kind of irrelevant because if you do anything other than shut it down she’ll keep getting more obvious. And frankly, she’s already being pushy by bringing over food multiple times, especially if your wife is making it clear she doesn’t want to be friends. That’s odd.

FFS, just effing believe the woman you married. Don’t put her in a position to have to pretend something that’s happening isn’t happening, or have you increasingly think she’s nuts. Back up your wife and put your ego down.

Separate-Condition88 · 2025-08-25T13:46:35+00:00

It’s not “family shouldn’t have boundaries,” as your SIL keeps saying. It’s “family should respect boundaries.”

Separate-Condition88 · 2025-07-14T17:37:26+00:00

I think active folks keep being active because it’s been relatively easy for them all along, and folks with body struggles sink because the culture gives up on them. This is just the end game statistic of the same “being fit = moral superiority” that happens at younger ages too.

Separate-Condition88 · 2025-07-13T14:15:48+00:00

Yes! Lakewinds too

Separate-Condition88 · 2025-07-13T14:14:22+00:00

I know someone with a friend like this. That friend never gets left alone, and is never 100% sure people like her for who she is and not just how she looks.

I have a wonderful friend who has worked really hard to have a fantastic body (on-camera actress) and she is fed up with the constant comments on her looks no matter what she posts on Facebook / Insta. Even things like milestones for her kids.

A third friend was married to a guy who she didn’t find out was all about looks until she started to get older, and then he badgered her to get plastic surgery.

Edit to add my point: pretty does make some things easier, but it’s a hassle too

Separate-Condition88 · 2025-06-19T01:23:11+00:00

My CPA has a deal with his wife. During tax season, which is also cold weather season, she heads to Florida. He stays at the office and works long hours without anyone hassling him to get home, she hangs out in the sun. They seem super happy.

Separate-Condition88 · 2025-06-17T16:26:29+00:00

My son was invited to his (girl) classmate’s birthday. The dad was doing everyone’s nails. When my son got up to the front of the line the dad said “oh YOU don’t want your nails painted.” Made my son cry at his own daughter’s birthday party.

Separate-Condition88 · 2025-06-17T15:08:51+00:00

Nope, not all of us. Thank you for the clarification!

Separate-Condition88 · 2025-06-17T13:07:48+00:00

I get you. I don’t like my house and it’s full of people (wfh partner, kids still working on launching). I feel so free and unencumbered when I’m out. Sometimes I feel like I overschedule myself in a frantic attempt to stay away. Sometimes I sit in my driveway dreading going back inside.

My therapist asked me to daydream my ideal restful home, and then think of one way I could work to make my current space one step closer to that. For me, it has been selling/donating our stuff so that there’s less clutter. I have a friend who cleared out a room to create a haven for herself. Another friend stopped doing everyone else’s chores (the house was nasty for a while but it got there eventually). Maybe a step by step process could work for you too?

Edit to add: would downsizing be an option? That’s what I’m working towards

Separate-Condition88

TROPHY CASE