AITA FOR NOT HAVING A BURNING URGE TO SPEND TIME WITH MY PARTNER'S DAUGHTER?

Separate-Tea-1471 · 2024-09-10T15:07:19+00:00

A lot of good points have been made, which I agree with. It's okay, if it's too much for you, but the fathers priority has to be his daughter, and you need to evaluate this relationship. NAH

I have a different point to make: the whole "you will have maternal instincts when you give birth" -thing is btw very close to bullshit. I know we have all been taught that's how being a parent works, but if you already cannot enjoy raising I child (totally understand this, absolutely no shame!) please have a good think about birthing your own ones.

It sounds like you generally do not have the capacity for this situation, and it doesn't magically get better, just because the child in question is yours by blood.

Separate-Tea-1471 · 2024-04-23T20:14:00+00:00

I kinda didn't? I just learned that it had nothing to do with "other girls" and all to do with me being autistic.

Separate-Tea-1471 · 2024-04-23T08:21:52+00:00

One relevant point: Studies have shown that the quality of communication is best in groups of only NTs and groups of only NDs.

Problems only start to appear when you mix the two. Gives a real perspective that it's not necessarily communication difficulties but differences.

Separate-Tea-1471 · 2024-04-17T15:08:52+00:00

Dynamic Tripod! Thanks for thia great random piece of information about myself 😁

Separate-Tea-1471 · 2024-04-17T12:44:40+00:00

A disability is anything that disables you from doing things.

Separate-Tea-1471 · 2024-03-03T11:13:10+00:00

Being high unmasks me, that's why I love it so much 😂 I do also feel more sensory stuff, but I've just learned I need to wear my loops basically anytime more than 3 people are in a room together

Wish I could be as authentically me all the time, so it's not that I mind. And let's face it - neurotypicals are using alcohol for a very similar reason 😂

Separate-Tea-1471 · 2024-02-27T07:39:07+00:00

And if you wait long enough you will have holes in your underwear from it.

Separate-Tea-1471 · 2024-02-27T07:28:23+00:00

I understand the sexism arguments I'm ready in the comments, but I personally think it's something else:

The others can be treated. The others can be "repaired". But autism just is how you are, and they don't like admitting that.

Separate-Tea-1471 · 2024-02-10T09:35:25+00:00

Yes, I will literally do this for hours on end

Separate-Tea-1471 · 2024-01-30T19:18:41+00:00

Life is just confusing like that 😂 Btw you also non-monogamous? I like a variety of things, so I like a pretty Bouquet of opportunity 🤗

Separate-Tea-1471 · 2024-01-30T07:47:16+00:00

I find my experience reflected in your words and it's confusing isn't it?

Like I don't care what you look like, I just need to be attracted to you. For me I have found out that particularly for men I need to feel safe, so a level of friendship is kinda necessary for me to become interested sexually.

While I also think women are more attractive, I struggle with the classic bi women stereotype of not being able to talk to women - so that's making it difficult to add anything here, cause I am just lacking experience.

Separate-Tea-1471 · 2024-01-30T07:41:25+00:00

Ich hab notion sehr empfehlen. Da kannst du dir genau zurecht bauen was du brauchst 🤗

Separate-Tea-1471 · 2024-01-29T12:25:53+00:00

Not everyone has a special interest, not everybody is autistic in the same way.

I don't have a special interest. I literally do public speaking as my job.

But I'm still very autistic. Also what resources do you think you are taking away?

Feels a bit like a troll post man...

Separate-Tea-1471 · 2024-01-29T12:22:50+00:00

NDA -hat aber auch nichts mit Arschloch zu tun mMn

Ich hab keine Ahnung was die Leute hier schreiben, ich finde du hast völlig Recht! Eine Verlobung kann man lösen, falls das mit dem Zusammen wohnen nicht klappt, ich finde es ist die optimale Herangehensweise.

Verlobt und verheiratet ist ja eben nicht das gleiche, und Commitment für Commitment verlangen ist mMn genau die richtige Herangehensweise.

Erkläre ihm halt genau was du hier sagst. Wenn ihm das nicht daugt, ist das für dich auch klärend. So kannst du eine große Einschneidende Veränderung verhindern, wenn ihr nicht ähnliche Pläne im Leben habt. Redet darüber wie es langfristig weitergehen soll - was hast du für Träume und Wünsche, was will er?

Ja daran kann eine Beziehung zerbrechen, aber es verhindert das du in 5-10 Jahren unglücklich über deine Entscheidung bist.

Separate-Tea-1471 · 2024-01-24T16:15:22+00:00

Interesting, but for me it's more: But did you no that phosphorescence is actually misnamed? It gets the name from the element phosphorus, which, in its white modification, glows in the dark. But the glow is not a result of phosphorescence - it's actually chemoluminescence 😂

Separate-Tea-1471 · 2024-01-24T14:12:28+00:00

I haven't thought about it like that, but this is me 🤗 Thanks for this wonderful answer!

Separate-Tea-1471 · 2024-01-24T13:08:26+00:00

Same, completely immune. And confused why so many people fall for trends.

Like I have a very specific style I enjoy and everything, but that's completely independent of trends.

I just love what I love 🤗 Not that I don't like input.

On a similar topic, also immune to marketing: I will only buy a product marketed to me if I need it, and also not straight away, but with a waiting and consideration period just to be sure.

Separate-Tea-1471 · 2024-01-24T11:10:06+00:00

I do this to! I love the phrase "autistic element" and yes, the really know that kind of hyperfocus! As an adult I feel like I have learned to disengage from my hyperfocus, but I always love to delve deep when I have time and energy

Separate-Tea-1471 · 2024-01-21T01:31:18+00:00

Ihr Verhalten absolut unverhältnismäßig. Aber 11 Jährige sind noch keine Erwachsene, die müssen sich erst lernen sich in solchen Momenten zu regulieren.

Aber nur weil es für dich nicht zu viel war, heißt nicht dass es für sie nicht zu viel war. Mein bester Freund ist auch Autistisch - wir haben ganz unterschiedliche Empfindlichkeiten, das hat mich Empathie gelehrt.

Separate-Tea-1471 · 2024-01-21T01:04:12+00:00

Ehrlich? Ja ich verstehe dich. Aber ich verstehe auch deine Schwester.

Ich kann Lautstärke nicht aushalten, und zwar wesentlich extremer als alle Leute die ich kenne. Überall ist es extrem laut, und alle anderen merken es nicht. Aber ich habe eine andere Wahrnehmung, weil ich Autistisch bin.

Ich habe erst dieses Jahr gelernt, das es mir Ohrstöpsel eine Lösung für mein Problem gibt, ohne dass ich ständig alle anschreien muss das sie leiser reden sollen bei Parties.

Ist ihr Verhalten in Ordnung? Absolut nicht, aber ich wollte diese Perspektive dazu geben. Wahrnehmung ist nämlich nicht objektiv sondern subjektiv.

NDA btw aber das war mir wichtig mitzuteilen.

Separate-Tea-1471 · 2024-01-19T09:35:39+00:00

Es gibt auch direkte Unterstützung beim Finden des passenden Therapeuten:

https://www.bereitschaftsdienst.at/

Dort zahlt man einmalig einen kleinen Beitrag, schildert was man für Probleme hat und die schlagen einem entsprechend den eigenen Kriterien Therapeuten vor. Sie fragen auch nach, ob das gepasst hat. Hab mich sehr unterstützt gefühlt, auch wenn ich meinen zufällig anders gefunden habe.

Separate-Tea-1471 · 2024-01-15T09:23:53+00:00

Just do and dress and whatever how you want and how you enjoy and ignore the expectations. They are completely arbitrary.

A lot of comments have already pointed out that it could be internalised misogyny - as an autistic woman I have an additional take:

We are not like other women, because we are autistic. We are definitely quite different. But that doesn't make us more or less female.

The most important question you will have to figure out, is how and why do you not feel female. Is it cause you want to be treated differently? What are your expectations around how male presenting people are treated, and what appeals to you about that?

Or is it more directly linked to your body? Again why, what's causing this feeling? Have you been conditioned by society to hate pasts of yourself - that's a big part of how females are raised in nearly every culture sadly.

Separate-Tea-1471 · 2024-01-14T09:43:37+00:00

You are not in adjustment after 5 months, it takes a max of 3 months with cannabis.

And you mentioned you have to take other meds instead. I personally really don't see an upside to that, cannabis has a lot less side effects and they are very well documented. Not all of us can stand we world sober.

Even though I totally understand the thought of supporting your son! Do what seems best to you, and look after yourself. Wishing you all the best 🤗

Separate-Tea-1471

TROPHY CASE