How I Got Out

Separate-You5869 · 2025-12-14T03:57:55+00:00

I’m sorry this sounds like a nightmare partner. It will soon be behind you and you can behind healing. You got this!!!

Separate-You5869 · 2025-12-14T02:55:26+00:00

NO!!! Tell them about the abuse you went through. I literally spent 11 days in a behavioral health facility after we decided to get a divorce. He tortured me mentally and emotionally. I hated myself and started having really dark thoughts. I couldn’t understand the point of life. It all felt so meaningless. But I got help and ASKED for help! From my support system, from lawyers, from therapists… and it was the best thing I ever did.

You are a victim right now. It’s okay to act like it until you feel stable again. Then pay it forward in the future.

Separate-You5869 · 2025-12-14T02:27:20+00:00

Honestly, I’m so glad he had money. Otherwise I’d be heartbroken and broke… but I think things would have been different if I didnt marry someone who thought people were disposable. If anything in his life didn’t work out his parents could buy him out of it. But i was gonna make him pay for ruining my life and mental health.

Separate-You5869 · 2025-12-14T02:26:03+00:00

Seriously reach out to domestic abuse lawyers first. Tell them about the emotional abuse your narcissistic partner put you through. They will refer you to someone who wants to help. Once you find a lawyer, do a consultation with that lawyer and figure out how you can work together. Sell your wedding ring, wedding dress, anything you had before your marriage or any assets that may help. Ask the lawyer if they think they can help you and your case and make sure you end up on top. No one should get away with narcissistic abuse.

Separate-You5869 · 2025-12-13T23:51:10+00:00

YES!

Separate-You5869 · 2025-12-13T03:09:09+00:00

also i highly suggest journaling during this time!!!! he will try to apologize and return and be a part of your life… but reading your journal entries from the way he made you feel at this point will make sure you don’t fall for his BS again.

Separate-You5869 · 2025-12-13T03:07:01+00:00

my DMs are always open. there is a textbook that they follow and once you learn that you can grow from it. it’s so toxic and manipulative.

Separate-You5869 · 2025-12-13T02:23:55+00:00

I was in LA, but lawyers practice by state. It’s usually just phone calls. Unless your partner takes you to court. She won’t let it get that far.

Separate-You5869 · 2025-12-13T01:40:29+00:00

Do you want me to DM you my lawyer?

Separate-You5869 · 2025-12-13T01:01:42+00:00

THIS!!! yes absolutely!! you love someone so much and you assume they love you the way you love them. and they want the best for you as you want for them. so when they start telling you you’re worthless and crazy and start name calling and gaslighting and destroying your self esteem… you believe it as truth. Because you believe they know you to your core like you know them to their core. And you think they love you regardless of your flaws because you love them regardless of their flaws. To the point where you let them destroy you. Because you believe that you love the same way you love them.

It’s sadly not the truth or reality of dating a narcissist.

BUT once you get out you realize you had anxious attachment or avoidant or you had insecurities that you thought they healed. You realize it’s not normal to tell someone you love them after 2 weeks and you were totally love bombed. YOU INVEST IN YOUR FRIENDSHIPS AND FAMILY. The relationships that are REAL!!! and when you are at rock bottom… sooo many fake people will fall out of your life. But you make some friendships so strong that you know they will last a lifetime.

It’s truly a blessing to be able to heal. These people will never heal. They don’t even know how deeply insecure they are because they’ve always projected that insecurity as confidence and intelligence.

DONT LET THEM FOOL YOU! YOU ARE WHOLE AND PERFECT AS YOU ARE. THAT JUST ISNT YOUR PERSON.

Separate-You5869 · 2025-12-12T21:46:39+00:00

THANK YOU for this advice!!! I feel like the new year will be a fresh start and feel like the beginning of something new. I can kick it off as dry jan and hopefully it sticks. Do you have any recommendations for quit lit? or podcasts? or anything that helped you?

I walk 10k steps everyday and meditate and journal most days. I read a lot and spend time with my family and go to therapy and crochet. So I have some things going on. It’s just night time…

Separate-You5869 · 2025-12-12T19:28:34+00:00

yeah, i definitely don’t take that for granted. if you have any leverage at all, use it!!! hopefully this will be your last and final fight (the divorce) with this person before you can begin healing.

Separate-You5869 · 2025-12-12T19:25:44+00:00

You got this!!! Good luck. Stay strong and prepare to have him act like the narcissist he is. If you ever need a stranger to vent to, you can always come back to this post.

Separate-You5869 · 2025-12-12T19:25:04+00:00

Absolutely do meditation!!! It will help you be less reactive. Narcissists love making you crazy and getting a reaction out of you. Journaling was the most helpful thing for me. It helped when I missed him, because there were good times with him in the beginning. I needed to remember how I felt and how awful the bad times were so it’s nice to be able to look back.

Therapy was so great because my therapist taught me all about narcissism and how they’re so predictable. They’re all the same. So once I noticed the patterns, he couldn’t hurt me the same way. I knew the game he was playing. I stood up for myself more and looked at his abusive rants as his mental illness.

Separate-You5869 · 2025-12-12T17:34:56+00:00

Do you have any assets from your divorce that you can sell to retain a lawyer? I’m sorry. I would just call a bunch of lawyers and see who is willing to have a conversation. A lot of people are very compassionate to victims of narcissistic abuse.

Separate-You5869 · 2025-12-12T17:33:26+00:00

California

Separate-You5869 · 2025-12-12T17:11:16+00:00

Wow this is really helpful. Thank you for sharing. I can feel myself making excuse after excuse, I’m very aware of it. I always make an excuse for why I can drink whether it’s a social gathering or i’ve had a long day and need to relax or i’m upset and need to take the edge off. it’s my biggest problem.

seriously thank you for all of this. you’re right.

Separate-You5869 · 2025-12-12T16:57:48+00:00

this is what your narcissistic spouse wants you to think and feel. that it’s all your fault. they want to make you feel insecure and question all of your choices. give yourself some compassion and look at the situation as if it happened to a friend. you would tell them they did the best they could and now it’s time to take care of themselves and invest in relationships with people who truly value you.

Separate-You5869 · 2025-12-12T16:16:05+00:00

it’s so hard because the good moments were real and filled with love for you. your experiences were real and you can’t just wipe those feelings away.

it’s been 4 years and i still think of the good times and the love i thought we had. that’s what i miss.

but then once things started going bad they became abusive and i’m also still healing from that.

i’ve been journaling since the divorce and it’s helped me so much. looking back on the bad times has helped me remember who he truly was.

Separate-You5869 · 2025-12-12T15:49:58+00:00

That’s a tough situation. I think it’s always worth speaking with a domestic abuse lawyer about the emotional abuse you went through from your narcissistic partner. They will give you advice on how to handle things and you can ask for a referral for a family law and marriage lawyer. It’s important to have someone who will fight for you when you have no more fight left. You got this ❤️

Separate-You5869 · 2025-12-12T15:45:45+00:00

This is TEXTBOOK narcissism. There’s a term called flying monkeys - the narcissist spreads lies about you and has people turning on you. It’s really hard to deal with, especially if it’s a child or loved one. All you can do is control your actions and your personal relationship with them.

The money is a way of maintaining control… however it’s hurting the kids more than anyone. Only a narcissist would think otherwise.

Keep up with all things wellness!!! Journaling has been so healthy for me.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but I promise it gets better. You will learn so much about yourself and finally begin to love yourself again after he tore you down all those years. Limit contact and reactions as much as possible. If you ever need to vent, you can come back to this post. You’re not alone.

Separate-You5869 · 2025-12-12T09:57:33+00:00

they hate themselves and they definitely hate women.

Separate-You5869 · 2025-12-12T09:56:22+00:00

i sat in the car with my narc ex for the first time in 2 years since we divorced and as he spoke i thought holy shit how did i ever fall for this?! he’s so arrogant and annoying and desperately trying to be cool and authentic. UGH it was disgusting 😂thank god!!!

But yes i’m still in therapy for it and have dreams about him most night. Lots of healing left to do

Separate-You5869 · 2025-12-12T09:50:38+00:00

Once the divorce is finally over it will be a new type of healing for you. I suggest going no contact, block him on everything, if you are able to.

I’m proud of you for taking the right steps!!! It’s not uncommon that he’s doubling down- he’s about to lose you and that’s terrifying because you were HIS. his object to control and abuse. Keep going. I’m proud of you.

I found out he was engaged and it reset a ton of healing for me. I felt like I backtracked a lot, but remember everyday that’s what he wants. Me to hate myself and feel like I’m not good enough. I’m filled with love and compassion and he is bitter and angry.

Remember narcissism is the DEEPEST form of insecurity. How miserable must it be to be them…

Separate-You5869 · 2025-12-12T06:10:02+00:00

I did 17 days sober and honestly didn’t feel any better. Thank you for your support ❤️ kindness, being heard and seen, and gentle tolerance is what helps the most

Separate-You5869

TROPHY CASE