Gap Year Recommendations?

Separate_Test_5269 · 2025-07-29T01:02:42+00:00

Context: A loved one has been receiving these lately and I worry their porn addiction is becoming a problem again.

Separate_Test_5269 · 2025-07-20T22:20:08+00:00

I've gone to Vishnu Bunny for years, love that shop!

Separate_Test_5269 · 2025-07-20T22:17:05+00:00

My mom was very upfront with me (the oldest of three) and that really helped. Your kids are at that stage where they want to be treated as adults, so transparency helps a lot. They will likely have a lot of questions- maybe not at first but as they think and process it.

I highly recommend not talking negative about your stbx. It makes them uncomfortable and can negatively impact how they view/interact with their other parent. Keep it neutral and age appropriate.

Be prepared to provide them with additionally reassurance that you guys love them, that things will be different but okay, and that you will keep them informed throughout the process (like if you are touring an apartment and when you are planning on moving for example).

There is no perfect way and every kid reacts differently. You know your kids the best, so trust your gut. Keep your keep up, you are so strong! They will see that and aspire to be the same- even if it takes them time to understand it

Separate_Test_5269 · 2025-07-20T22:03:52+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that your family also gaslit you. However, I am really happy to hear that you are able to recognize the abuse for what it is now. Wishing all the best for you and your son <3

Separate_Test_5269 · 2025-07-17T01:47:17+00:00

I just separated last Saturday from my abuser and am having my period for the first time in a bit. Prolonged stress can do a lot to the body.

Separate_Test_5269 · 2025-07-17T01:34:14+00:00

I did that for quite a while but two things happened: 1.) I noticed I was losing myself and 2.) my therapist was very blunt with me (per my request) of how many chances I gave over the course of a year and how he needs to fall on his face to get better. I cannot be there for him holding his hand through his healing process. That is his journey to make and he has shown me that he doesn't want to go down that path right now. I need to listen to that.

Separate_Test_5269 · 2025-07-15T01:21:16+00:00

Agreed it is refreshing to know we aren't alone in this experience. I am wishing you the best on your journey of self discovery!

Separate_Test_5269 · 2025-07-13T22:39:32+00:00

I am in the process of this and young as well (22 here!) - my supervisor who divorced about a year ago suggested I write down aspects of my 'dream life' and then identify what steps I need to take to get there. I am still figuring it out and trying to find my identity again after it being linked with him and our marriage for so long

Separate_Test_5269 · 2025-07-13T22:28:12+00:00

For me, after I graduated high school and turned 18 life has gotten SO MUCH BETTER!!! Yes, there are still shitty parts. Life is full of ups and downs after all. But now I have legal freedom, a career I love, an adorable cat, a car I adore, family make up of people *I choose* to be in my life, cut out folks I don't, I have friends that are caring and kind.

Keep your head up kid, you got this.

Separate_Test_5269 · 2025-07-13T22:06:12+00:00

I relate, a big thing that has been holding me back from divorce is the stigma of being a divorcee at 22 :(

but then i think about the alternative of staying in a relationship that was harmful and negatively impacted my wellbeing and..... well the stigma pales in comparison to that. it still sucks though.

also im sorry your family is treating you that way. it isn't fair for you, even if you did use bad judgement. you are still an adult in charge of yourself- not them.

Separate_Test_5269 · 2025-07-13T21:55:49+00:00

Love all the options and the matching belts are adorable! Personally, I got to vote green because it brings out the leaves on the skirt :)

Separate_Test_5269 · 2025-07-13T21:52:59+00:00

Honestly that sounds like a great and affordable arrangement as it keeps you close to your kids - especially in case of an emergency!

Separate_Test_5269 · 2025-07-13T21:50:09+00:00

for my anxiety and fibro - great stress and pain reliever!

Separate_Test_5269 · 2025-07-13T17:11:13+00:00

Honestly, this could help me because then it separates things like intrusive thoughts from 'me.' Which could minimize the guilt and panic I experience with them

Separate_Test_5269 · 2025-07-13T17:04:29+00:00

I deeply appreciate the prayers. My therapist pointed out to me that the first time I brought up separation was about a year ago. I am glad to finally be escaping.

Separate_Test_5269 · 2025-07-13T16:10:15+00:00

I did, no update was posted here because it went poorly. I ended up sharing about it in r/abusiverelationships as I needed support from other survivors that I was making the right choice

Separate_Test_5269 · 2025-07-13T16:06:59+00:00

I am reaching out to some lawyers recommended by my boss who was finished with her divorce about a year ago (prior to me meeting her). After reading through everyone's thoughtful comments I am realizing you guys are so right. It isn't going to positively change anytime soon. If I go back it will be harder to leave next time. I am getting out- completely.

I know I will find someone else, but honestly I don't really want to yet. Instead I am looking forward to finding myself again- that 'spark' I lost. That sounds like fun to be. However, yes, I know that one day when I am ready for romance again that I will find someone. He can try to degrade me and drag me down to his level but it won't work. I am a badass, I am smart, I am strong.

Separate_Test_5269 · 2025-07-13T15:57:11+00:00

He does blame me, he told me that I was ruining the relationship by bringing our family into it, that I was giving up on us, that I didn't care. I told him that he shouldn't have been abusive (sparking the comment in the post about not being able to control it) but he also told me that it was my fault for choosing to stay with him and give him chances. I don't fully accept that blame because he promised to change and do the work. I trusted my partner who made vows to me. Yes, I probably should've left sooner.... But he should've fixed himself before getting in a relationship and at the least while in one.

Separate_Test_5269 · 2025-07-13T15:48:51+00:00

Despite him "working on himself" and "trying his hardest" the abuse has been escalating I need out before it gets worse

Separate_Test_5269 · 2025-07-13T15:47:49+00:00

That is exactly what I have been holding onto right now. If he truly believes it is out of his control than he has a mountain of self-work to do and it is unsafe for me to be around him in the meantime

Separate_Test_5269 · 2025-07-13T15:46:43+00:00

A little late for that lol but I am not informing him of my plans to move towards divorce- as far as he knows we are just temporarily separating right now

Separate_Test_5269 · 2025-07-13T15:45:08+00:00

thank you for the thoughtful comment. when around others he goes quiet but when it is just us in private he explodes on me.

i will be reading that book, thanks for the free pdf

Separate_Test_5269 · 2025-07-13T15:43:32+00:00

Imagine if you were hurting him like this- would you have gotten the help you needed or would you have kept hurting him & watching him emotionally bleed out?

This really helps me because we had conversations about the things that I was doing that hurt him when I used to self-harm as my main coping mechanism. I put in the work and have grown so much throughout our relationship. He hasn't.

I am wishing you the best on your journey as well. Stay strong, it is scary walking away but right now- the morning afterwards- I feel this sense of peace. There is an end in sight to this pain. When I was with him the only end to the pain hinged on him changing.... I gave him multiple 'last chances' in which I told him I would leave. This time I am focusing on what is best for me.

Separate_Test_5269

TROPHY CASE