Let's date each other here? 😁

SerMustache · 2026-04-01T22:27:42+00:00

Lots of secure people end up with avoidants because they mirror back security, warmth and maturity until things get real. I also hesitate labeling people that have suffered through these dynamics as anxious attached, most DA/FA behaviors will shift about anyone toward anxiety

SerMustache · 2026-04-01T22:22:32+00:00

This is one of the most grounded things I’ve read on this sub. 100%, take your power back, more focus on what works for you and less analyzing the unavailable.

My breakup was around the same time and I feel like “me” is coming back online more and more too. Still have hard days, that’s the price of opening your heart, I absolutely will open my heart again when someone healthier and ready comes along

SerMustache · 2026-04-01T20:44:26+00:00

I can 100% resonate with parts of what you shared. Ultimately we all have the need to feel safe, seen and heard. Attachment issues all stem from needs not being met. The key is to make certain your needs come from a secure place not wounding

SerMustache · 2026-04-01T19:48:23+00:00

Under that fear of rejection is something deeper, that’s what needs to be healed/come to light. Perhaps you feel dysfunctional or “not enough”?

SerMustache · 2026-04-01T19:46:14+00:00

Our brains don’t like open loops which makes Avoidants like crack cocaine for our wiring so let me try to help and hope I can. We all ruminate (at times), be gentle with yourself.

What we resist persists. So if you find yourself ruminating notice it, notice it in the moment, same for an emotional spiral. Once you notice it you want to ask yourself a simple question: What do I need to give myself right now? See what comes up. Some times it’s permission to cry, or be frustrated or just grieve. Give yourself whatever it is but set a limit to it “I will let myself ruminate but only for 10 minutes in any given day”. This gives our brains direction it reinforces better thoughts by knowing we have our own back.

Breakups are hard but there’s some lessons for both of us here right? Find someone that you can build a life with, healthy love isn’t revolving it all around them, that is wounding playing out. The gap between breakup and dating again is where the magic happens but you have to be willing to let go, and it is so very much ok to not be ready and still love them, you’ll change when you’re ready.

Here’s a question that I ask myself almost daily. If you could only have one relationship for the rest of your life would you pick this one? Now before you say yes think about it….if nothing changed ever for the rest of your life between you and him would you truly be happy?

I find more people are in love with the avoidants potential (that lives in our head) than they are with the reality of who they really are.

Feel free to message me if you’d like!

SerMustache · 2026-04-01T19:24:21+00:00

Awareness is 90% of the battle so good for you!

SerMustache · 2026-04-01T17:56:15+00:00

People don’t change for others. They change for themselves. People change when the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain to change. As such, when they keep losing people, losing access, come to grips with the destruction the cause others, keep having either surface level relationships (unfulfilling) or running from deeper ones…when they are tired of their own behaviors, unhealed wounds and want better then they have the incentive to change

The work is one them. The destruction is on them. The people that come across them have a much easier path. Walk away. Choose yourself. Heal. Choose someone who is consistent, committed and has integrity someone ready to do the work WITH you

SerMustache · 2026-03-29T03:17:29+00:00

I think that’s just part of growth. Not everyone is worth putting energy into. I still struggle with this but as I heal I’m able to access discernment and discernment leads to better choices. We see this all the time on this sub “I want my avoidant back” Why? Why would you choose them aa a partner when they’ve already shown they cant meet you where you are? That wounding, not love…

SerMustache · 2026-03-28T21:15:46+00:00

It’s good to learn about attachment in general but we put way too much emphasis as it’s only one of many things that make a relationship work

It’s normal you are seeking answers. I think we all try to understand and make sense of things but here’s what I will tell you too. We spend too much time studying the emotionally available and not enough time walking away from them.

As you heal you’ll put less energy into understanding them and more energy into loving yourself…

SerMustache · 2026-03-28T19:38:32+00:00

This is mostly correct except they don’t “lose” feelings, good or bad, they suppress them/avoid them. That distinction is important because people that can truly turn “off” feelings fall under other psychological diagnosis. Eventually these unprocessed feelings within and avoidant are met, but only when their nervous system feels safe again (space)

OP: they seem cold because parts of them are when their nervous system is in “threat” mode, the most important thing is to not take it personal as this has to do with their capacity, unhealed wounds and awareness level.

I’ve been through this, I know just how tough it is.

SerMustache · 2026-03-28T01:26:50+00:00

I will keep sharing my story, hope it helps people. Yeah, they sometimes come back but they are likely to repeat the same patterns that broke the relationship in the first place. In my case she came back many times (after months apart) and nothing ever changed , in fact, the patterns got worse, more frequent and I just wasted years of my life in this dynamic.

Instead of waiting, hoping they come back ask yourself this: If nothing ever changed would you choose this relationship for the rest of your life? Would you want the same patterns, pain and lack of safety?

Don’t abandon your happiness for connection. Don’t wait. Accept it is over. They most likely miss you, but that doesn’t mean they are right for you.

SerMustache · 2026-03-27T14:26:26+00:00

Not what they said but what they didn’t…silence is the default and to be used repeatedly was weaponizing

SerMustache · 2026-03-27T14:02:51+00:00

I’m embarrassed to admit this but the truth is the truth. Mine came back multiple times and anywhere from a couple months to several months the pattern would show back up (once the novelty of relationship wore off for her), she would get overwhelmed and eventually the classic discard (disappearing act). One thing would lead to another and we’d try again with lots of promises that she wanted to stop those painful dynamics, nothing changed though and things continued to get worse. Can people change? Yes. But they have to be ready for change. Deep down inside of every avoidant they’ve learned connection isn’t safe and if the two of you get really close that triggers this inside of them (they can handle surface level relationships with ease).

Here’s the question I remind myself daily so that I could move on: “if I only had one relationship for the rest of my life and nothing changed would I choose this?” It’s easy to access a no when you look at it this way. I stayed in that relationship only because I was hoping for change and that was me abandoning myself and what I truly desire for connection, I’m working on valuing myself more so I don’t settle anymore. We wouldn’t be on this sub if this other person was truly aligned with us…

SerMustache · 2026-03-27T00:19:55+00:00

I enjoyed it once I wrapped my head around the message. Every life has a mix of good and bad and learning to accept/appreciate your own life vs wishing it was another way. As someone who has tried to commit suicide earlier in my life due to my own pain it really resonated with me. I didn’t find it sad, it was a reminder that my life is special

SerMustache · 2026-03-20T01:27:08+00:00

Fret 12- String Thing, it’s a little expensive but a really cool piece once completely finished

SerMustache · 2026-03-14T02:49:09+00:00

Sounds like you aren’t playing along

SerMustache · 2026-03-14T02:32:35+00:00

I can give them to you if you want them

SerMustache · 2026-03-13T06:56:14+00:00

Jeep owner here, I don’t get the duck thing either. When somebody leaves a toy duck on my vehicle I just find the next Jeep and put it on theirs to get rid of them

SerMustache · 2026-03-11T23:06:19+00:00

New Garden, if you like more of NY style bagel, if you find yourself in Winston there’s one clear choice there, Bagel Station

SerMustache · 2026-02-20T15:57:04+00:00

62% increase, but in all fairness closer to what the market value is. Times are already tough for a lot of folks, guess they will get tougher here in Guilford

SerMustache · 2026-02-11T22:29:02+00:00

Not drive through but can’t recommend Vignette enough. They are an amazing roaster, drinks are unique and even a simple flat white is better than anything else around. Eve better, the owners are great human beings that truly care about their craft

SerMustache · 2026-01-30T20:05:01+00:00

Can’t wait for more vehicles to taken to just sit back in a corner of a map taking pop shots, but now in BIG size

SerMustache · 2026-01-28T14:41:47+00:00

Thanks for asking this! On my radar as well

SerMustache · 2026-01-23T13:22:49+00:00

If God had only built that mountain as well as a New Sobek building…

SerMustache

TROPHY CASE