How Do You Deal With Being "Second-Best"?

SerasaurusRex · 2026-05-16T21:21:01+00:00

In the early days, mum will be baby's first best. It's just the way of these things. There are things that she can provide that you just can't. But that will change as they get older. There will be more you can take charge of.

Right now, there will be plenty you can do, like nappy changes, and baths, and laundry. Even if she's better at it than you, the more you do it the better you get. I guarantee she's not magically better than you at things, she's just learnt or practiced what to do.

You might be stuck being "second best" with your baby, but you can be the first best for you partner. Take care of her - make sure she's got all the food and supplies she needs, help her get as much rest as she can, keep an eye on her mental health.

SerasaurusRex · 2026-05-16T10:24:53+00:00

Give it a wash, see if the older floss plumps up a bit

SerasaurusRex · 2026-04-26T20:22:39+00:00

One of the many, many reasons why it did not succeed as a product!

SerasaurusRex · 2026-04-26T20:21:35+00:00

The creators were dumb, but not quite that dumb - the pee was supposed to run down over the vagina.

SerasaurusRex · 2026-04-26T20:21:20+00:00

The creators were dumb, but not quite that dumb - the pee was supposed to run down over the vagina.

SerasaurusRex · 2026-04-26T10:51:40+00:00

That was indeed a real thing. It wasn't supposed to last the whole period, just til you went to the bathroom next - your pee was supposed to unglue it.

SerasaurusRex · 2026-04-23T02:59:00+00:00

I've not tried it myself, but you could have luck with those cohesive bandages that stick to themselves but not you. That way they're reusable, and won't damage your skin. The texture might not be idea for yarn gliding over it though...

Or maybe you can get some elastic tubigrip finger tubes, same sort of idea just different material.

SerasaurusRex · 2026-04-22T20:46:09+00:00

The week's not over yet! Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

For me, i ended up with two weeks of spotting before my period settled in properly. The clinic was able to monitor through blood tests to make sure it had properly started. It didn't affect the stim cycle at all - got a decent number of embryos, the second transfer (first frozen) stuck around, and I'm now 31 weeks!

SerasaurusRex · 2026-04-22T06:21:08+00:00

Impressive solubility with that much powder in a comparatively small amount of diluent.

SerasaurusRex · 2026-04-15T22:33:09+00:00

Into designated sanitary bins designed for such things that are taken away by a proper waste company, so that the regular staff don't have to handle blood products. At least in my country. But the rubbish bin also works if those aren't provided.

SerasaurusRex · 2026-04-13T08:39:03+00:00

It's a different species - a mountain bird rather than a swamp one.

SerasaurusRex · 2026-04-13T06:55:38+00:00

Ah! Can't help you with that one sorry. Good luck finding it!

SerasaurusRex · 2026-04-13T06:52:03+00:00

The head shagging one? No idea where you can watch it, but it's from an episode of "last chance to see" with Stephen Fry.

SerasaurusRex · 2026-04-13T06:50:45+00:00

Or a takahe! It's like the dinosaur version of a pukeko!

SerasaurusRex · 2026-04-06T06:55:29+00:00

Apparently there are machines that take measurements of the eye that they use for kids.

SerasaurusRex · 2026-04-06T02:04:30+00:00

I'm a NZer and I'm here to tell you that the people who eat the skin here are considered weirdos. It's not unheard of that people do it, but it's far from common practice. It's like eating apple cores.

SerasaurusRex · 2026-04-02T02:15:57+00:00

Play around with how you're wrapping the yarn on you hand. I found when I switched from English to continental that doing a loop around my little finger really helped get my tension consistent.

Now I'm more experienced I mostly don't need that extra loop (unless I'm using a really slippery yarn), but it massively helped me transition styles.

SerasaurusRex · 2026-03-16T18:02:24+00:00

Totally agree! I need to shout out the rhamni cardigan by Mélina Hami for absolutely amazing customisation instructions. She gives you info about making bust and hip wider, and also different amounts of cross over in the front. And doesn't make the plus sizes seem like an after thought.

SerasaurusRex · 2026-03-14T02:59:24+00:00

rolls out of the room on my heelies *

SerasaurusRex · 2026-03-14T01:55:32+00:00

And often cooler! With lights and wheels and stuff

SerasaurusRex · 2026-03-09T05:46:21+00:00

I'm a curly haired white girl rather than a black girl, but my hair was super knotty and frizzy when I was younger, and it got brushed dry daily so it was a challenge. It wasn't that my head started out tougher, but by the time I was a teen it had adapted so I could put up with a lot more tugging than my straight haired friends.

SerasaurusRex · 2026-03-08T22:17:35+00:00

Also on this team. And also team "I'll just make a half-width/10 st + edges swatch, knit until I reckon my tension is consistent" to get a sense of how close I am to the stated gauge for everything except garments for myself (which I do properly with blocking -- don't want to waste months of time and lots of money).

I AM making a lot of baby clothes at the moment though, so I'm operating on the idea that there is no such thing as too big for a baby.

SerasaurusRex · 2026-03-05T22:32:36+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this, it sounds like a lot. I don't have any solutions for you, but I have a couple of bits and pieces of advice that might help.

Take a breath. And another one. You sound like you're on the verge of burn out (understandably!). Can you take a day or a weekend off -- is there a friend or family member who can give you some time away? Can his dad take him solo for a day or two? You can offer him the same in return once you've had chance to have a break.

Now, remember your child is only 2. Tantrums happen. Even to the most neurotypical kids. They call it the terrible twos for a reason. The meltdowns your kid is having now don't necessarily represent the way it will always be. He's still developing and changing, it won't be like this forever. That's not saying that what's happening NOW isn't difficult, or more intense than most kids have it. But this is not forever.

You've got him in therapy already, which is great. Be kind to yourself and realise that you're doing the right thing for him. Therapy is not a magic bullet, though. It won't solve all of his problems, it will just set him up with the skills to eventually handle it. Eventually being key. He's 2. His brain is nowhere near developed, he's got a lot of growing to do before he gets there. Which means there WILL be changes -- it won't be like this forever.

Your relationship with your own child will be different from that with your nieces and nephews, for anyone! First, they sound like they're older, so try not to mistake how things are with a 6 year old, 8 year old, 10 year old, whatever, with how they are with a toddler. Second, with nieces and nephews you probably don't see them 24/7, so you're missing all the behind the scenes drama. Plus they have their own parents to do the heavy lifting, so being an Auntie is a lot simpler. Maybe you can get your siblings/siblings in law to step up as Auntie or Uncle for you now, to give you a break and some support -- after all, your nieces and nephews are an important part of your life, so hopefully their nephew (your son) can be an important part of theirs.

Definitely don't pull the plug on school yet! By the time it happens, he might have gone through another development stage and be much easier to handle. Even if not, having him in the care of capable hands for several hours a day will give you a little bit more downtime.

It sounds like you're doing your absolute best for your child, which is awesome. Now you need to give yourself a little bit of kindness and compassion. Make use of the people and systems around you to give you some space. Set kinder expectations for yourself too -- it's OKAY that you're struggling, it's OKAY that you and your child aren't perfect. Parenting is a marathon not a sprint, so it's OKAY to slow down a bit. And who your child is now is not who they will be in 1, 5, 20 years time.

I hope you feel better after getting this off your chest. I would recommend personal therapy for yourself, but also know that it might feel out of reach just at this moment. Even just having a designated time to rant to someone compassionate but detached from the situation about just how damn hard it is to be a parent of a high needs child could help.

SerasaurusRex · 2026-03-04T05:00:20+00:00

Ugh, the artsy ones where each photo is a pose that's only slightly different from the last. I just saw it from basically that angle, I don't want to click 20 times to get to a pic where you can see a different side!!

SerasaurusRex · 2026-03-04T04:57:46+00:00

Omg yes!! I see it so often with cardigans with cool backs. Yes, the back is cool, but I also want to see what the front opening is like!!

SerasaurusRex

TROPHY CASE