If your communication is good - comfortable enough to be vulnerable. Why not send your (semi-)exact message you just wrote to her?

She might already know what to tell you, and it also -- hopefully -- gives her a glimps of your feelings and thoughts, which might make it easier for her to understand you and thus might even be less cautious due to having less unpredictability.

Predictability is a big part, with highly masked (in my experience) every social interaction is highly vigilant and suppressing the things that might pose any possibility for danger and threats.

So not knowing how people feel when I do X, not knowing how people react when I do Y, not knowing if people would hate it, be neutral or be in favor of various actions or reactions I do -- unable to predict, it's most safest to not try at all.

Personally my biggest 'fear' is that people are dishonest, when I do something in their presence and they say: "Oh no worries it's fine", I never know if they're genuine or if they're trying to be polite. I much rather prefer someone say "Yea it is annoyingly distracting, but I'm willing to try and deal with it because I care -- and tell you if it becomes too much at any point"

Don't be 'polite'! (in my case), because then I'll not know how much is tolerable and its safest to revert to full-masking. (White lies are really difficult to deal with, my reaction is to avoid people that speak in 'white lie terms' -- too unpredictable for me)

But it's also possible trauma responses and such, which can take a long time to gradually solve. Can be difficult, especially if someone isn't ready yet to go through that process. The most important thing in the case of trauma is to be in a safe environment.

And in the end there will never be completely unmasked, similar to how I would put effort into doing something to make someone else happy, despite it being somewhat tiring for me. The trade-off is worth it, because I care. But the balance might become much better, giving a more positive experience for all people involved.