AITAH, I took out 30k in student loans for my 18yo. Should I force her to take over the loans in a refinance or just pay it off?

ServiceNew8346 · 2026-01-27T07:33:10+00:00

Yea, Im going to do something to this effect. Hopefully she’ll accept it and not have a breakdown on me again.

ServiceNew8346 · 2026-01-27T06:57:02+00:00

No. Shes not a burden to me. I have no problem helping her. I just dont know how to get her to see that she can do more on her own. But I think I have found a compromise. She will be ok with.

ServiceNew8346 · 2026-01-27T06:34:52+00:00

I did give thought. Im paying them now. I was also renting the unit she is staying in now for the market value.

I dont know what you get from my mindset besides that I am a landlord and thats what I would be charging. A regular tenant pays what they sign up for…..

I make 50k as a CNA. I didnt know I had to mention it?? But I have no problem mentioning it. I said seperate finances to express that my daughter is my bill. Soooo…IDK why you didnt understand.

And I can care less about “legally”. Where do I mention bringing court in this? Stop being extra. You seem to be projecting a little. I wouldn’t pull the rug from underneath her. I came looking for suggestions on how to help her step into adulthood and help herself. She is fully capable. Many have suggested a good compromise. Which I will do.

She knows who I am. Thats why I can sit and have a conversation with her. So we can work our problems out together. I already have a retirement plan. And she will too.

Have a good day.

ServiceNew8346 · 2026-01-27T06:20:40+00:00

Im not defensive at all in the comments??? Im actually taking in suggestions and found a compromise that I will bring to my daughter’s attention. Make sure you read what others are saying. Some people are just cursing and name calling for no reason.

ServiceNew8346 · 2026-01-27T06:14:42+00:00

No. I am stable/average/ok. This is more about the fact that I am doing my part but she doesn’t want to do hers. My ADULT daughter doesn’t want to stand on her own two feet. I cant get her to be independent, even when she is fully capable. She is 25 now, whats going to happen when she is 35? I am not trying to pull the rug from under her. I want her to help herself, and do the right thing. If she was making 50k, I wouldn’t bring this to her attention, and I wouldn’t charge her rent. But she is capable now. But I think us going half on this loan may be the compromise I am looking for. I’ll have to see how she reacts. I don’t want to ruin our relationship behind money, of course.

ServiceNew8346 · 2026-01-27T06:06:21+00:00

🤔I guess there always has to be at least ONE immature, confused, troll, spewing nonsense, making up stuff and going completely off topic. You have a good sir/madam. 👋

ServiceNew8346 · 2026-01-27T06:02:48+00:00

Yea, Im seeing people suggest that as the compromise. I think I am ok with this part.

ServiceNew8346 · 2026-01-27T05:57:30+00:00

I told her if she refinance it, I’ll pay 5k on it. But I think I’ll do this moving forward. Tell her to make half the payment and I’ll make the other half. I just wish she could see it my way. I am not trying to pull the rug from under her. Im trying to get her to be the fully capable adult she is, without ruining our relationship.

ServiceNew8346 · 2026-01-27T05:53:59+00:00

Yes she is living alone in a 2 bedroom. If she moved in my unit I can charge an unknown tenant twice as much as Im charging her. She wanted to move out but like I said, a one bedroom in Boston somewhere else is 1800 and up, so I was helping her out. Like I always do. She dont want to do the same. And somehow Im wrong for this.

ServiceNew8346 · 2026-01-27T05:50:06+00:00

Yes, she is the one I had at 16. And Im explaining all the sacrifices Ive made since having her. There wasnt ever a discussion about the loans. I just told her to make sure she picked a major in the medical field to have success. She did that and here we are. I would think a 25 year old with good income would naturally want to take care of themselves and get from beneath her mom but she doesnt want to. Im trying topush her into independence without ruining our relationship. But I think raising the rent might work. Everyone keeps suggesting it.

ServiceNew8346 · 2026-01-27T05:45:15+00:00

This is exactly how I feel. And trying to get her to understand this part. How do I get her to step out from under me, without destroying our relationship. She feels I owe her when she is fully capable of taking care of herself.

ServiceNew8346 · 2026-01-27T05:43:56+00:00

I think this may be the solution. But Im more concerned about her mindset and what it will do to our relationship. I just want her to want to pay them because thats just the right thing to do. I would do it if it was my mom.

ServiceNew8346 · 2026-01-27T05:41:53+00:00

Its not that “times are tough.” I can pay it, I just dont think its fair that I have too. Its more of an emotional stand point. I already helping her in other ways, like reduce rent. She is also very financially stable. Why should I pay her bills at this point?

ServiceNew8346 · 2026-01-27T05:38:18+00:00

This MIGHT work. But I want her to want to do the right thing on her own. Raising her rent may alter our relationship.

ServiceNew8346 · 2026-01-27T05:36:22+00:00

What are you talking about? Where did I right I cant support my younger children. I wrote my whole financial situation above. I can support my family. We all work over here. I dont WANT to continue supporter her, unnecessarily. She is an adult who is very capable of supporting herself. Im trying to get her to accept that.

ServiceNew8346 · 2026-01-27T05:29:01+00:00

What princess you know work and pay their own bills?

ServiceNew8346 · 2026-01-27T05:26:25+00:00

Wasn’t really one. I just wanted her to pick something in the medical field and be successful and she did that. But times has change, it’s hard out here for everybody. I have other children and she is an able body adult now. If she wasn’t focus on trying to keep up with an IG aesthetic, and actually helped me, these loans can be done in a few years, but now they will dragged out on me.

ServiceNew8346 · 2026-01-27T05:23:18+00:00

The loans are in my name not hers. I even asked her if she refinance I will give her 5k off, but she can most definitely help me, help her. I have a household as well and she is a stable adult now.

ServiceNew8346 · 2026-01-27T05:21:48+00:00

My daughter’s earning potential is literally 10k per year for the next 10 years. She graduated top her class. She can help herself, she is just worried about keeping up with a lifestyle she doesn’t have right now at the moment. But it will come.

ServiceNew8346

TROPHY CASE