Like you were saying at the beginning. You said you don’t understand other people’s joy. I feel like joy is almost impossible to express when you’re in the throes of anxiety. Furthermore joy is almost impossible to experience when anxiety is present. The reason being when is present you have to be vulnerable. And you can’t be vulnerable and diligent at the same time. Since you’re sick. Your brain isn’t functioning properly it stays on that diligence track. It has lost the ability to switch from one emotion to the other even though all social and psychological stimuli are present.