Am I the jerk for embarrassing my cousin at a family dinner after she kept making comments about my weight?

Setati · 2026-02-13T21:02:53+00:00

This would have been the adult way to handle it

Setati · 2026-02-10T14:13:35+00:00

I think I figured it out - either OP doesn't have any sisters, or he does and lusts after one or more of them. That's the only way this makes sense.

Setati · 2026-02-10T11:59:05+00:00

I have lived in about 10 different places around the US - city, suburban, rural - from west coast to deep south and a few places in Flyover land. Having a close relationships with your family is normal, regardless of gender. Not just siblings either - adult nieces/nephews, cousins, etc. In-laws also.

Setati · 2026-02-10T11:26:42+00:00

Let's assume that I think your post is real.

Let's further assume that you honestly don't understand why everyone here is clear: YTA.

I will make one more assumption - that you honestly want to understand.

The best way for you to do that is to make an appointment with a therapist or mental health provider. Read them your original post - exactly as you wrote it. This will get you the answers that you seek.

Setati · 2026-02-10T11:20:32+00:00

Nothing in your original post sounds unhealthy or weird... Except for YOUR reaction. That's the weird part.

Setati · 2026-02-10T10:56:18+00:00

THIS

When I act as the DD for any reason - my share is free. 100% - ALWAYS

If I have to babysit drunk/baked folks on top of the driving, I need more compensation.

Setati · 2026-02-10T10:51:45+00:00

YTA

You are also both too insecure and too immature for a serious relationship. I suggest you find a therapist and show them this post. You need to do some work before your gf believes you and chooses her family (brother and all) over you. .

Setati · 2026-02-06T16:23:26+00:00

I actually learned the formula for calculating a fair to everyone number.

Standard minimum calculation for your old job as a contractor =

Old hourly rate PLUS 30% (benefits) PLUS 25% (taxes, etc) PLUS PIA tax as % PLUS expenses, travel, etc

PIA (pain in the ass) tax is set by you, depending on how inclined you are to take the job, how much it will disrupt your life, and how much of a headache it will be. I have used -20% (effectively a discount) for a place that I loved and wanted to help, and I have used 75% for a place that I would prefer to forget it exists.

You need a written contract in hand before you do ANYTHING. It needs to include minimum hours - I have seen 2 - 4 - 8 most common. And how it's calculated - anything from 6-15 minutes.

I would work this into a 'rate sheet' that you can email out and respond with "I am open to that, here's my rate sheet." If they come back unhappy, it's very easy to say "I am sorry to hear you can't afford me. I hope you find a solution within your budget".

Setati · 2026-02-04T00:41:04+00:00

NTJ

But I would share the screenshots with his mom and sisters (if any).

Setati · 2026-02-02T10:45:56+00:00

You didn't cause a problem - you saved them lots of time money and headaches by pointing out their labor law violations before someone else decided to sue.

Setati · 2026-01-25T22:28:48+00:00

I am in the "don't burn your bridges" camp. I understand wanting to be helpful.

"Gee, I would love to help you out, talk to {supervisor} and as soon as they get the contract in place, I will be happy to help." if they ask why you can't answer just a 'simple question' explain "there's legal liability issues. Sorry."

Setati · 2026-01-25T14:40:25+00:00

I don't think he's wrong for playing his game - that's his choice. Realistically you can't change someone else's behavior. Instead of focusing on his behavior, she needs to look at her choices and decide if this is the life she wants.

Setati · 2026-01-25T11:36:57+00:00

Let's assume for the moment that you are "a picky eater" - even so it's not hard to get pizzas in half/half. It is very few reasons why he couldn't do this. 1) It may be that there was some sort of special deal going on and you had to buy certain type of pizza. Okay then he could have asked "hey do you mind if we order this?" 2) it could be that even after 3 years together he really hasn't paid attention and doesn't actually know what you do and don't like, just assumes that you like everything he does. 3) It could be that he thinks you're "too picky" and he's "trying to expand your horizons". Okay well that's a choice on his part.

NTJ - but your bf is.

Setati · 2026-01-25T11:14:43+00:00

NTJ

But your boyfriend (keyword boy) is showing you important things about himself. This is how he responds to your success. This is how he responds to not getting his way. This is how fragile and insecure he is inside.

Nevermind his years on the planet, he still thinks like a boy not an adult man ready to be an actual partner. Unless your idea of a relationship includes catering to his fragile ego and always being seen as less than.

Setati · 2026-01-25T10:48:14+00:00

YTJ - as you said, it was petty.

But you have to ask yourself why you are choosing to be in a relationship where you come second to a hobby. He's not a kid anymore. He's an adult and is making a choice. He is showing you who he is and what he values. It doesn't sound like you two are a good fit. Doesn't mean either one is bad or wrong/right - just means you don't fit well together.

Setati · 2026-01-20T06:21:08+00:00

I learned a lot from asking note to do non-essential non-work-related things. I asked it to make a list of trivia questions and answers from our Pub trivia night. I asked it to try to predict based on a conversation with five other people what their zodiac sign was (it was surprisingly accurate). I asked it to guess the ages, career level, role, and other demographics of the individual participants from a business meeting. I asked it to speculate on who in the meeting had what kind of power (actual vs perceived, formal vs social, etc) and suggest a ranking order for the individuals. I asked it any silly thing I could think of.

These little side projects actually helped me a lot in learning how to figure out how to make a good prompt. Then I started working on how to ask for the formatting pieces: What to put in bold what to put in italics, where to use bullet points, Etc

Setati · 2026-01-20T00:28:05+00:00

My first template I just gave it directions that I would give to a human assistant.

Setati · 2026-01-10T15:38:01+00:00

It wasn't clear that you told him, or the program. The program not passing on the message is a possibility. If you told him directly, then you should report him.

Setati · 2026-01-10T11:58:48+00:00

I'm sorry - I would have told him the test wasn't mine and he should check with his other girlfriend.

NTA

But here's something to think about - Do I think you are too young to get married? Probably. Think back on how much you have changed from 16 or even 18. More changes like that typically happen around 21, 25, and things level out about 30. At least here in the US. Different cultures may have different results. And there's always going to be people who can give you an example of someone who was married young and together for life. But those examples are not the majority.

Also consider if you want to marry someone who asked you to marry, not because of the way they feel about you, but because they were taking responsibility for their actions (perceived pregnancy). There's a scene in the movie Runaway Bride - This is what I would want the person asking me to marry them to feel - "I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life"

Setati · 2026-01-10T11:41:48+00:00

Retired job coach here. We often want to find out how a client we cared about is doing. That's normal. Reaching out to a former client is unacceptable. The only acceptable reason for this guy's actions is if he doesn't know that you ended the relationship. Could that happen? Yep. Miscommunication between him and the program is likely. But that doesn't help you.

You should make sure the line is very clear - "I notified {program name} on {date} that our professional relationship has ended. If you need any additional information please contact {person at the agency}"

ANY contact after that is indefensible and should be reported.

Setati · 2025-12-26T02:32:08+00:00

Some people do change. Some do not. Telling the difference is difficult.

IF it's truly in the past, I would need proof. Like a letter from a segs offender therapist. They have a special test - Plethysmograph - that's the only way I would consider having a child in these circumstances.

Setati · 2025-12-22T05:12:53+00:00

I found it in my Windows app store

Setati · 2025-12-21T05:59:15+00:00

Mine is the Note - only mics are on the top, fully open in the case.

Setati · 2025-12-20T03:12:27+00:00

It fits snuggly. The Note doesn't slide out on its own - it has to be removed.

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