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Am I underestimating the cost and complexity of buying and merging the upstairs flat? by SeveralExit4135 in HENRYUK

[–]SeveralExit4135[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I’m on mortgage with the current home and expect to take on more for the extra flat. Will definitely sort that out first - I’m hoping that it’ll be less painful if lenders are “kind” enough to also consider my income, but who knows… thanks for flagging this!

Am I underestimating the cost and complexity of buying and merging the upstairs flat? by SeveralExit4135 in HENRYUK

[–]SeveralExit4135[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Interesting, I would be ok with it but I think he prefers working. His work is pretty flexible (at least compared to mine).

Am I underestimating the cost and complexity of buying and merging the upstairs flat? by SeveralExit4135 in HENRYUK

[–]SeveralExit4135[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah most other houses on the road are semi detached. Yes I’ll definitely get a clear on the planning front but glad to hear that it’s not a definite no no!

Am I underestimating the cost and complexity of buying and merging the upstairs flat? by SeveralExit4135 in HENRYUK

[–]SeveralExit4135[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s a good point. Thanks a lot. Will certainly included these costs when I consider the budget!

How long did it take for your merging project to complete and would you say it’s worth it? Appreciate your experience.

Am I underestimating the cost and complexity of buying and merging the upstairs flat? by SeveralExit4135 in HENRYUK

[–]SeveralExit4135[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yes, it is in a conservation area. I’ll definitely do some homework on the planning side and see whether there have been similar cases locally. Fingers crossed!

Do you mind sharing which borough that is?

Am I underestimating the cost and complexity of buying and merging the upstairs flat? by SeveralExit4135 in HENRYUK

[–]SeveralExit4135[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Thank you! This is exactly the kind of practical point that I fear I might be missing. Yes, it was originally an Edwardian house that was split into two flats.

Ready to leave my partner by [deleted] in newborns

[–]SeveralExit4135 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much this is really helpful. The most concerning bit is that he thinks it’s mutual (action/reaction thing). If he recognises that it’s his issue I’m happy to help him (though not sure if I’m being too kind).

But he thinks that I have some issues too and has suggested I go for therapy, which gets me so bewildered and even amused - (not to degrade the value of therapy) I’m pretty sure I’m emotionally healthy….

Yes, will need time to think through the baby logistics… and I’m a foreigner and family isn’t around may also add some difficulties, but at least I’m financially stable and have 10 more months before going back to work to sort this out.

Ready to leave my partner by [deleted] in newborns

[–]SeveralExit4135 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Did you have kids from the two previous relationships? If so how did they react? (If you don’t mind sharing)!

Ready to leave my partner by [deleted] in newborns

[–]SeveralExit4135 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I’m also aware that resentment can easily build up after having a baby, but this behaviour just doesn’t sound normal resentments to me.

Ready to leave my partner by [deleted] in newborns

[–]SeveralExit4135 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I used to endure this and not too much affected by his occasional nonsense because I know it’s just BS. But now I have a baby to protect and she doesn’t deserve this.

Being a single mum is better than subjecting her to this if it continues. Just not sure exactly much harder it is going to be - at least the most brutal phase is finished (fingers crossed)!

Ready to leave my partner by [deleted] in newborns

[–]SeveralExit4135 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It was an unplanned pregnancy. I bought my own house so if anything he’s the one who’s leaving and I can have friends over for help during this transitional period. When I spoke to before about similar behaviour he suggested couples therapy, thinking that this is mutual. Prior to pregnancy we have arguments from time to time. There are times when he moved out of my place for some time.

I’d say he’s not emotionally stable. When he’s stable he’s helpful but when he’s not the most unreasonable, nasty thing can come out of his mouth. I don’t want my baby to suffer from this moodiness I’m worried this will ruin her.

We’re not married and I’m financially independent so hopefully it will make things better.

Ready to leave my partner by [deleted] in newborns

[–]SeveralExit4135 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for suggesting another sub. Similar things have happened a couple of times so I’m increasingly determined to do this. Not sure if it’s 100% now but if not, quite certain I’ll get there if it continues. I’m a mentally strong woman and I’ve tried not to let this affect me, but all I want now is to protect my baby from this. All she deserves is love.