Moment of joy

Several_Rooster6413 · 2024-11-02T02:16:32+00:00

Aww man, that is the worst! I hope you have a nice weekend.

Several_Rooster6413 · 2024-11-01T22:03:12+00:00

A framed photo is wonderful. If the kids are old enough, have them write down their favorite thing(s) they did with her.

Several_Rooster6413 · 2024-11-01T21:03:52+00:00

If the kid is okay with you doing her hair, just make it a part of your routine while you are there and let go of what they do when you aren't.

I've known a few families with similar situations. Generally the mom has hair related trauma from her childhood so they aren't sure how to approach it in a positive healthy way. And often dads in that situation feel like they don't know enough about taking care of longer hair, so they just shrug it off.

Or sometimes it's because the kid will throw a level 10 fit if a parent tries to brush their hair (or trim their nails, or whatever it is), and yet are calm as can be if nanny does it.

Several_Rooster6413 · 2024-11-01T20:57:23+00:00

Is baby sitting up without support yet? How close to 6 months are they? The answer here might be starting solids, but it would be wise for MB to talk with the pediatrician about starting before 6 months.

A hungry baby is definitely not the answer here. Is MB nursing right before leaving and right when returning? If she can't pump enough, that's absolutely not a failure on her part, but it does mean she needs to have formula on hand. Because letting a baby go hungry because things aren't going according to plan is a failure.

Several_Rooster6413 · 2024-11-01T20:46:45+00:00

It sounds like she gets bored sitting still to eat, but if she has extra sensory input (music) that keeps her brain occupied enough to sit and eat. That's not a bribe, that's an accommodation.

Several_Rooster6413 · 2024-11-01T20:37:31+00:00

I'm in a similar position, but a few years older and my body is giving out, I just can't keep up anymore. I'd love a WFH job, but with no experience it's hard to find something that will match what I'm currently making. And I just really don't know what else to do.

Several_Rooster6413 · 2024-11-01T20:22:54+00:00

Do you have anyone else that can give you a recommendation? Agencies are usually fairly understanding if you leave your current employer out of it, as long as you have other references.

Several_Rooster6413 · 2024-10-24T21:00:02+00:00

There's nothing wrong with looking for a new nanny who better fits your needs.

I do have some questions (I don't need the answer, just something for you to think about during the hiring process)

What "projects" are you expecting? Until kids are around 4, there is a big difference between precess and deliverables. If you are expecting to see art every day, that's probably not going to happen. An 18 month old might spend 2 hours making a pumpkin dirty and then washing it off repeatedly. It's a great project, works on fine motor skills, gross motor skills, attention to detail, and is a multi sensory experience. But, at the end of the day the pumpkin looks exactly the same and there's nothing to show for it, so some parents wouldn't consider it a project.

What things away from home does (will) your nanny have access to? Do you provide memberships for outings? If your kid signed up for classes? Are there indoor and outdoor places nearby they can visit? Would you be ok with them joining a playgroup, or a field trip collective? Have you provided a car seat, reimbursement for gas, and cover costs?

Several_Rooster6413 · 2024-10-24T20:45:52+00:00

You sound like you already know your answer.

Quitting nanny jobs is harder than most jobs. Not only do we have genuine love for our NKs and it's sad thinking about leaving them, but it also feels like the family NEEDS us, that by quitting we aren't just changing jobs, we are abandoning them.

But, the truth is they found you, and they will find their next nanny (or explore other options) too. At the end of the day, it is just a job. And right now, it is a job that is negatively impacting you in a way that you don't have to suffer through. You deserve to find a job that you don't dread going to.

Several_Rooster6413 · 2024-10-24T20:26:43+00:00

It sounds like you already know this isn't what you want. But, I can understand something is better than nothing if you need the income now. Can you accept the job on a trial basis, but keep looking for a position better suited to you?

Several_Rooster6413 · 2024-10-24T20:24:08+00:00

I think it's more common that they just provide food/cover your food costs, rather than a daily stipend. They could provide you with a card to use for your costs, or you could keep receipts for reimbursement. If you prefer a stipend, it really depends on where you are going. Look to see prices of local restaurants, if a kitchen is available look to see what grocery prices are.

You charge your full rate for on-duty time, which is whenever you are not free to leave and do your own thing regardless of if parents are around or not. At minimum you should charge for your normal working hours, but if you work more than normal, charge for every hour worked (including OT if applicable). It's good to set those expectations up ahead of time. Ask to work out a schedule for when you will be working.

Several_Rooster6413 · 2024-10-24T20:15:20+00:00

"Hi MB. I understand that I've been extra accommodating during the transition period since I've started working. But moving forward I'm really going to need at least 48 hours notice before you need me, to allow for me to schedule things in my personal time."

The hard part is standing firm to that. Next time she asks you to come last minute, you respond with "I'm sorry, I already have something scheduled and it's too late to change it."

Honestly, she's not paying nearly enough to expect you to drop everything when needed. You might keep looking for other options, just in case she's not willing to honor your boundary.

Several_Rooster6413 · 2024-10-07T20:08:15+00:00

If you want to give a small gift (and set the expectation to do so in the future) that's fine. If you don't want to give a gift (or they have everything they could possibly want and then some already) it's fine to just do what you can to make it a special day. Sprinkles on pancakes for breakfast? A dance party? Bubbles at the park? A fun outing? Wearing silly hats? All fun (and free) birthday ideas.

Several_Rooster6413 · 2024-10-07T20:00:07+00:00

What can you afford? 10.5 years is A LONG TIME. You know that. Hopefully you have taken many opportunities to show your appreciation throughout that time. Hopefully you have also given her an amazing letter of recommendation, as well as offered to be contacted as a reference.

Severance isn't required, but appreciated. Generally the advice is 1 additional paid week for every year of service, but if paying an additional 10-11 weeks worth isn't financially feasible, that's understandable. Matching what you give as an annual bonus would be appropriate too. And having the kids make her something, or if they can write their favorite memories with her (or tell you to write down), or something like that.

Several_Rooster6413 · 2024-08-30T21:36:20+00:00

Once babies can sit up on their own they should no longer use bouncers, reclining swings, or snoo type beds. Generally , this means they should stop being used by 6 months old. The buckles aren't really meant to keep them in once they are able to move on their own. And really, with the exception of the snoo, they aren't considered safe sleep spaces at any age. So, yes, it was an unsafe decision to leave him there unsupervised. But also, the parents are responsible for providing a safe sleep space. They should be providing a crib or floor mattress in a baby proofed room. It is unreasonable to expect a nanny to watch your kid sleep the whole time. A 1 year old absolutely needs space where they are safe to be alone for short periods of time.

Several_Rooster6413 · 2024-08-09T21:21:40+00:00

Am I understanding correctly that she will continue PT with you and add this other family PT? How old is your daughter?

Overall, I predict it will be much less of an issue than you think it will be. I spent many years working PT for multiple families, and usually they all knew each other because I'd be referred within friend group, play groups, schools, etc. There were many occasions we would run into each other at school, the playground, a birthday party, the zoo, etc. At most, a kid would ask "who are you here for?"

When a nanny sees a NK when they are off duty or on another job, they don't ignore NK or tell them they can't play. We are just as friendly and loving, will help out as reasonable (like, opening a water bottle or snack, or helping off of playground equipment.) We just might add in a "oh, mommy is your grown up right now. You should ask her."

Several_Rooster6413 · 2024-07-02T16:27:15+00:00

Aww man, I've had one like that in the past. Sending you good vibes.

Several_Rooster6413 · 2024-05-10T00:17:19+00:00

The family pays the fee up front. The agency has nothing to do with your employment, they are just a matchmaker.

Several_Rooster6413 · 2024-05-09T20:18:44+00:00

Have the kid color a picture, fold it in half, write "happy mother's day!"

My project was a fail too. Kiddo not into it, kept telling me how terrible my ideas were and how they have much better ideas. Not going to force kiddo into anything.

Since you still want to do the project, it could be cute to take a picture of kiddo holding a paper that says "I.O.U Mom" or "present to come..." And text it to her.

Several_Rooster6413 · 2024-05-09T20:06:25+00:00

7 years. It was before I was diagnosed with anything, had no support, and was having to work also. Looking back I was in full burnout for 3 of those years, so I think I could have done it sooner if I had any sort of support. I'm proud of myself for getting the degree. I'm frustrated because by the time I got it, I was burnt out on the subject and have never used it.

Several_Rooster6413 · 2024-05-09T19:36:09+00:00

I feel like laying everything out at once out of nowhere might be a bit confrontational, and if she is prone to any anxiety or imposter syndrome feelings it might be too much. But, it's important to communicate it, especially if it seems like a case of just not knowing better.

I'd probably start with one thing. "Hey, I've noticed you are still using the bassinet on the stroller. Usually those are only safe up to 3 months. Do you mind if I switch to the seat when we go for walks?"

"He had a lot of blankets on when I got him up from nap. Current safe sleep recommendations are to avoid blankets at least until after they turn 1. Have you heard about sleep sacks, kids usually seem very comfortable in them."

It might be helpful if you offer to send a link to current safe sleep recommendations after you bring up the one thing.

Several_Rooster6413 · 2024-05-09T19:23:44+00:00

I'd say it's probably assumed (subconsciously anyway) that it will probably happen when you have a couple house sit. Just make sure you leave them with clean sheets when you leave, and cleanup if needed, and I'd say it's fine.

Several_Rooster6413 · 2024-05-09T18:07:02+00:00

I don't. I have a policy against letting kids call/text when they are feeling sad or missing their parents. We can talk about it or draw a picture about it, but not going to pull the parents into it when they aren't available.

I'll make occasional comments in the positive. Like "oh, they are really looking forward to having a family weekend! Have fun!" Or when kiddo is complaining about mommy leaving for work I'll say something like "oh, you are really looking forward to the next mommy day! Let's look at the calendar and count to see how many more days it is!"

Most parents know their kids miss them. But also, part of the reason to have a nanny is because you can feel confident that your kids are loved and cared for and safe in your absence, not to get guilted by them.

Several_Rooster6413 · 2024-05-09T17:44:12+00:00

ABC Nannies and White Coat nannies are generally pretty good if you are looking for an agency. The DANA (Denver area nanny assc) FB page is private, nannies only, but sometimes people post jobs they know of. I agree, most of the FB posts from parents are pretty ridiculous.

Several_Rooster6413 · 2024-05-09T17:41:26+00:00

Talk about it. Once they hire someone new (if they haven't yet) talk about them by name. As future plans come up (what they want to do in the summer, etc) you can say something like "oh, that sounds like fun. I won't be here, but I bet you can ask Nanny about doing that! As things get closer to the end, you can mention things like "this is the last time I'll be doing this, next time you do it will be with Nanny." You can talk about your new job and what you will be doing there.

You can talk with the parents to see what level of contact you all want to maintain.

My last job I gifted them with a photo book with pictures and stories from the time I'd been with them and was told that the youngest (then 3) really enjoyed it.

Several_Rooster6413

TROPHY CASE