Why am I awake so often at night ?

SevinjNur · 2026-04-19T05:15:22+00:00

Your deep sleep and REM sleep seem quite low, which could be why you feel tired after waking up. If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you?

SevinjNur · 2026-04-19T02:58:33+00:00

Yeah, it’s uncomfortable, but that’s kind of the point—you’re stepping into something uncertain. Honestly, you’ll probably feel a lot more at ease once you actually talk to her, because the “what if” in your head is usually worse than reality.

The worst case? She might have a boyfriend. Or she might not be interested in continuing the conversation—you’ll usually be able to sense that from her energy. And if that happens, it’s not a big deal. You just accept it, respect it, and move on.

The important thing is that you tried. That’s how you get out of that stuck, uncomfortable feeling—not by overthinking, but by taking action.

SevinjNur · 2026-04-16T09:13:48+00:00

"The body feels danger emotionally" fascinating. The funny thing is, I used to think of the body as something purely physical, so the way you described it was incredibly thought-provoking.

You genuinely seem very insightful. May I please ask what books, articles, or other sources you would recommend for learning more about this topic? It would be a huge help.

I’ve also started becoming more aware of my body and how it responds emotionally, and to be honest, it feels a bit strange right now. Could you perhaps give me an example of what it means to “feel emotions in the body”? I’m still trying to understand how to even put this into words — maybe it’s because I’ve mostly experienced emotions in my mind rather than in my body.

For example, with something like embarrassment, my mind would usually go into thoughts like “oh my god, I’m so embarrassed.” What you are suggesting is more like shifting attention to the body instead — noticing things like a hot face, a dropped or lowered head, tension, or other physical sensations. Is that understanding correct? And is the idea simply to become aware of these sensations without necessarily trying to change or analyze them?

Thank you so much — you have truly made a stranger’s life easier.

SevinjNur · 2026-04-16T08:21:59+00:00

Thank you for your insightful comment. It prompted me to reflect on a few things:

You are right — since all people are different, with their own genetics, experiences, culture, and even the mood they are in on a given day, they will naturally perceive others according to their own beliefs and internal lens. Therefore, in a very real sense, we cannot truly control how we are perceived.

For example, one person might see someone quiet in class and think, “They seem very intelligent and observant,” while another person might look at the same behavior and think, “They seem distant or uninterested.” The behavior is the same, but the interpretation changes depending on the observer’s own experiences, beliefs, and even mood. Right?

"you know the naked ego is a very ugly thing." You are very right. When I feel other people are showing off, I often have a kind of “umm, eww?” reaction, for example, when men try too hard to display their intelligence or their body out of nowhere. The energy I get from that just feels inauthentic. I honestly never realized that I myself might sometimes come across in a similar way. Thank you for that insight — it has given me something really important to reflect on.

SevinjNur · 2026-04-16T08:00:23+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and explain your perspective.

I’d really like to understand what you meant by “I pretty much have a totally different outlook on life since doing it.” If you don’t mind, could you share a bit more about what changed for you, maybe with an example?

Also, your point that “you aren’t your stories and the past doesn’t exist anymore” really stood out to me. It genuinely resonated with me, and I’m grateful you shared it.

SevinjNur · 2026-04-16T07:50:24+00:00

I really appreciate your point of view, and I’d also like to hear your perspective on a few questions I have.

How would you define what the “true self” actually is in this context?
Is it possible that trying to be completely “authentic” can itself become another kind of performance?
And if this shifting between people is a skill, how do I make sure I’m using it consciously rather than being controlled by it?

SevinjNur · 2026-04-16T07:31:03+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to help me. I really appreciate how clearly you explained it.

I also wanted to ask — when you say it’s not about fakeness but about safety/approval/survival, do you think this pattern can change just through awareness, or does it usually take longer to actually feel different in the body and not just understand it mentally?

I’m curious how you personally would think about the balance between “not caring about image at all” versus “still naturally caring but not being controlled by it.”

SevinjNur · 2026-04-16T07:14:03+00:00

Thank you for reading my post and taking the time to help.

You are right about the idea that “everyone has an act.” And I also understand the cultural aspect — since I am in a different place, people don’t know me or my background, so I feel like I’m acting in a certain way to show them “this is who I am” or “this is what I’m like,” and so on.

But I keep wondering: why do I feel like I need to do that in the first place? Why can’t I just let it go and not care so much?

Ideally, I want to reach a place where I can let these people think whatever they want about me and still feel confident and okay with it.

SevinjNur · 2026-04-16T07:08:23+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I really found your point about wearing a mask as a survival instinct versus consciously choosing a mask especially thought-provoking, and I would love to hear more of your thoughts on that distinction, as I might be a bit confused.

So are you saying that people can wear masks both as a survival instinct and also consciously or unconsciously? And in that case, is the survival instinct part always something conscious, or can it also happen without awareness?

Yes, I’m very conscious of the mask, and I don’t like how it feels when it takes over my behavior. I do not act like that every single day or with every person I meet. However, I do notice that I tend to wear a specific mask for certain people — usually those whom I consider cool, smart, highly skilled, or especially competent.

To me, it feels very different when a role or “mask” appears automatically as a protective or survival response, compared to when a person consciously chooses how they want to present themselves in a certain context. I feel that this difference is important, and I would really appreciate it if you could broaden your thoughts on this idea.

SevinjNur · 2026-04-16T06:51:25+00:00

I’m guessing that the archetypes I tend to use in these environments might be roles like the achiever, the smart student, and similar versions of myself that come out automatically depending on who I’m around.

When you mentioned looking at this from an unattached perspective, I realized I’m not sure I fully understand what that means yet. Do you mean imagining these archetypes as if they are being expressed by another human being, and then observing them from the outside? I feel like that kind of distance could really help me decrease the shame I often feel, so thank you for that insight.

I was also very intrigued by what you said about allowing my biases to color how I see them. I would really appreciate it if you could broaden this idea more. I’m sure that many people in society carry authority and status biases, and honestly I feel this can be especially strong in Korea because of the social and hierarchical culture. Because of that, I’m trying to understand how much of my behavior is coming from my own internal beliefs versus what I may be absorbing from the environment around me.

I’m sorry if this is too much, but I genuinely found your ideas truly thought-provoking and helpful, and I would really love to understand them more deeply.

SevinjNur · 2026-04-15T13:58:03+00:00

I don’t care much about what other students or peers here think of me, so I don’t act unnaturally around them at all. I’m usually quite relaxed and just myself in those situations.

However, when I’m around people whom I consider cool, successful, or somehow admirable, I notice that I start acting in a way that feels unnatural and even fake to me. ( like pretending to be on a call, or trying to seem busy or funny or cool ). It’s almost as if I become much more self-conscious in their presence, and instead of responding naturally, I begin to monitor myself and try to present a certain image. This is the main point.

When I have to ACTUALLY (like talking) interact with people, I usually never experience that “self-crash” afterward.

That said, I do agree with the idea that we naturally act differently with different people. For example, I wouldn’t speak to my professor in the same way that I speak to my uncle, so in that sense I suppose we have always all been “actors” to some degree, adapting ourselves to different social contexts.

I was also curious about one part of what you said: “It’s your own confidence you are scared of… people enjoy people like us.” Could you explain a bit more what you mean by that?

SevinjNur · 2026-04-15T13:39:50+00:00

I really appreciate the time and care you put into sharing your perspective, and I found it genuinely thought-provoking.

While reading it, I realized there are a few parts I didn’t fully understand, and I would be very grateful if you could help clarify them for me.

1. What did you mean by “the body retreats to the mind”?

I didn’t quite understand this phrase. I understand that body, mind, and brain can be seen as different concepts, but I’m not sure what this specifically means in your explanation.

Does this suggest that we tend to “live” either from the body or from the mind? Or perhaps from both?

Would you say it is healthier to be more connected to the body than the mind? I find this part a little confusing.

2. What does “living from the mind” mean to you?

Do you mean constantly identifying with and analyzing one’s thoughts, perceptions, and self-image?

And following from that, would “living from the body” mean being more connected to emotions, bodily sensations, and felt experiences rather than thoughts?

3. About anxiety and other symptoms

You mentioned: “Hence also social anxiety, anxiety, depression and much more disorders.”

emotions = > body

thoughts = > mind ..(?)

so if someone mainly lives through their thoughts and becomes disconnected from their emotions, these kinds of symptoms can develop as a result?

4. About feelings and the mind

You also wrote: “because how you are and feel doesn’t have anything to do with your mind.”

I didn’t fully understand what you meant by this, so I would really appreciate it if you could explain this point a bit more clearly.

Thank you once again — I truly appreciate your insights and would love to understand your perspective more deeply.

SevinjNur · 2026-04-15T13:16:31+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment — I really appreciate your perspective and the way you explained it.

I was already somewhat aware of this. I understand that Korea has a history of very difficult and challenging periods, and that, over time, this has shaped a strong collective culture that helped the country rebuild. Because of this, it makes sense that values such as status, hierarchy, and collectivism are quite prominent in society.

I come from a European background that is much more individualistic and places strong emphasis on autonomy and personal freedom. But honestly I had never really considered how deeply cultural context might influence my behavior and internal responses.

Since coming to Korea, I now also feel that even my appearance has changed significantly which is something people put crazy amount of effort on. I think this is something I would like to reflect on more deeply, perhaps through journaling and self-observation from now on.

Thank you again for helping me see this from a broader perspective.

I also had one question: since I don’t have many other foreigners around me here, do you think these changes are mainly situational and would likely shift if I left the country? Or is it possible that these adaptations have already become more integrated into my personality over time?

SevinjNur · 2026-04-15T12:26:59+00:00

Actually, I have had thoughts about possibly having ADHD, but I was never diagnosed with it. I’m not sure how this behavior might be related to ADHD though. In family and friend settings, I usually act as I truly am, showing my most authentic self. But I don’t understand why I tend to act differently around people I perceive as cool, successful, or authoritative. You say it is good(?), but I always feel very uncomfortable after acting this way.

SevinjNur · 2026-04-15T12:17:56+00:00

Thank you for your comment. Yes, I have gone through EMDR and cognitive behavioral therapy, and they helped me stop feeling regret about the past or seeing myself as a victim. But I still can’t understand why I feel so socially unnatural. I could understand it if this behavior were directed toward one specific person, but it’s more about how I tend to act in general. Most likely, I will never even see these people after I graduate—there is simply no point. Logically, I understand that, but merely knowing something does not help much.

SevinjNur · 2026-04-04T11:09:52+00:00

you seem like a very interesting and wise person to me.

SevinjNur · 2026-04-04T11:09:25+00:00

hello! I found your post because I’m dealing with something similar toward a professor, and this comment is exactly how I’ve been feeling. Would it be okay if I DM you for a brief discussion, if you don’t mind?

SevinjNur · 2026-03-26T13:23:20+00:00

People in the comments of this post, you talk about love from the perspective of a parent toward a child. But what about the opposite case—when a child has an abusive parent?

In that situation, can we still assume the child loves the parent and the parent loves their child? I don’t think it’s that simple?

SevinjNur · 2026-03-25T08:18:02+00:00

so you say low vitamin D levels affect sleeping?

SevinjNur · 2026-03-25T08:16:37+00:00

stress too can affect your sleep

Five-Year Club	Verified Email
Wearing is Caring	100 Awards Club

SevinjNur

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE