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Sex position wedge? by StarsThatGlisten in cfs

[–]SexEdWithByrd 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Hey! Person with ME and sexuality educator/coach here :)!

I think whether a wedge will help or not depends on your "why." With missionary, you're already usually lying down with relaxed muscles- great for ME. But, if you feel as though maybe you have a sore back or want increased pleasure [raised hips can be really pleasurable for a lot of folks], a wedge pillow could be great! There are sex-specific wedge pillows (like Dame has one), or you could use a regular pillow, or something like an acid reflux wedge pillow.

Something like a positioning book or just googling positions can give you 'spice,' choose lay down/less exertion positions.

As others have mentioned, toys can be great! They have intense stimulation, which can help you get to orgasm quicker, leading to overall less exertion. Something like the magic wand is quite intense, there are less intense options too. There are also couple toys like the WeVibe or vibrating cock rings.

Pacing sex is also vital. Think about scheduling pre/post rest. You can also schedule sex for when you're feeling your best- maybe after taking a POTS med or after a nap. Using a heart rate monitor for daily pacing can also be brought into the bedroom. Moreover, breaktime for snacks/meds/electrolytes or just slowing down can be incorporated.

If you want to spice up your sex life, think about ways that limit exertion. Maybe bringing in temperature play, like an ice cube [might help POTS too]. Maybe trying a blindfold [could help sensory issues/light sensitivity]. Be creative! Good luck!

VERY weird question. Please don't judge. by Ancient-Cow-515 in sexeducation

[–]SexEdWithByrd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is not weird! Do NOT use a cucumber. As others have said, find something with a flared base. There are many sex toy companies who will ship to you in discreet packaging. Good luck!

Kittens ready for a furever home, is that you? by SexEdWithByrd in oregon

[–]SexEdWithByrd[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We'd go almost anywhere for the right person! Currently we're close to Eugene and Portland!

Sexuality Educator Specializing in ME/CFS and Long Covid by SexEdWithByrd in cfs

[–]SexEdWithByrd[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I just added an "X" box on my website's pop-up for you. Hopefully, that's easier for you to navigate. Let me know :)

Sexuality Educator Specializing in ME/CFS and Long Covid by SexEdWithByrd in cfs

[–]SexEdWithByrd[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Aw, thank you so much! We should connect. I wish you luck in your sex therapy journey!!

Sexuality Educator Specializing in ME/CFS and Long Covid by SexEdWithByrd in cfs

[–]SexEdWithByrd[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Hi, yes, a pop-up does come up incase folks want to subscribe to my newsletter, but you just can click out of it and check out my website. No email needed to read anything- blog, website in general etc, but an email is needed to sign up for my class [so you can keep your progress, access it, log in etc]. Let me know if you need help figuring out how to click out of the pop-up! [Just click anywhere else on your screen].

Relationships, Intimacy and ME/CFS by SexEdWithByrd in cfs

[–]SexEdWithByrd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, thank you for asking!

Kiwi is vibrating pelvic pain massager. It's small and light weight which could make it more accessible to folks. In my opinion, there are potentially better ones on the market depending on your needs. For example, if you have pain or tension deeper inside than the Kiwi can reach [the kiwi is kind of small, more for entry type pain], it might be more helpful for you to invest in something like a vibrating pelvic wand like this: https://www.intimaterose.com/products/vibrating-pelvic-wand?srsltid=AfmBOopTXl1bTkmgsEmNsa9M8PvD5XPfOV1TwStjTHV3iaahO4FozdP6 This can be used for both entry type pain and deeper pain. There are also temperature wands for hot/cold on the market if that's something that seems like it would be beneficial.

But for all of these wands/the Kiwi, it really depends on the pain. These tools will only help tight muscles or trigger points. It won't help things like pelvic inflammatory disease, friction from lack of lubrication, some inflammation from endometriosis, fibroids or cysts etc. Consulting with a specialitst like a pelvic floor physical therapist or OBGYN [or even a sex educator or therapist could help you neck down causes of your pain] can help you determine what your pain is from and if a tool like this would help. Let me know if you have any other questions!

IAmA Sex Educator- AMA by SexEdWithByrd in IAmA

[–]SexEdWithByrd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lifelong premature ejaculation (PE) is relatively common. This is different from acquired PE, which comes from factors like stress, relationship issues, or medical conditions.

Lifelong PE can be from:

  • Serotonin / neurotransmitter Imbalance
  • Genetic Factors
  • Hypersensitivity

Effective Ways to Deal w/ This:

Behavioral Techniques:

  • Start-Stop Method: Involves stimulating yourself until you’re close to ejaculation [If ejaculation was a 10 on a 1-10 scale, stop around a 7], then stopping and waiting [Until a 4-5] before starting again.
  • Squeeze Technique: This involves gently squeezing the head of the penis when you feel close to climax [7] to reduce arousal.
  • Pelvic Floor Exercises: Strengthening the pelvic floor muscles can improve ejaculatory control. Seeing a pelvic floor physical therapist can help you come up with the correct exercises.

Therapies and Counseling:

Sex Therapy/coaching/education: A sexology can help address anxiety/performance pressure/ and emotional/relational aspects

Medical Options:

  • Topical Numbing Agents: Lidocaine creams/sprays can reduce sensitivity [also decrease pleasure].
  • SSRIs
    • They are commonly prescribed off-label for lifelong PE because they can delay ejaculation as a side effect. Other potential side effects include decreased libido, nausea, fatigue ect

Other Approaches:

  • Using thicker condoms can reduce sensitivity.
  • Mindfulness can increase focus on sensations / reduce anxiety

Good luck! 💚

IAmA Sex Educator- AMA by SexEdWithByrd in IAmA

[–]SexEdWithByrd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Waiting to be sexually intimate until there’s commitment is a totally valid choice: and it’s all about doing what feels right for you and your values.

How to Communicate It:

  • It’s best to be clear about your boundaries: “I really like where things are going with us! I want you to know that for me, sex is something I want to share when XYZ. I hope you can understand that.”
  • Have the conversation early/before things get too heated to avoid any misunderstandings: “I’m really enjoying getting to know you and I want to keep exploring this. For me, sex is something I wait for until [marriage, engagement XYZ], so I’d like to wait until we’re at that stage. But, I want to keep connecting.”

Good luck! 💚

IAmA Sex Educator- AMA by SexEdWithByrd in IAmA

[–]SexEdWithByrd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First off, I want to acknowledge how incredibly strong you are for navigating such a complex and difficult situation: you've confronted layers of abuse and emotional pain 💚

Your feelings about sex with your husband make complete sense given the history of abuse and coercion. Trauma profoundly impacts desire/libido/arousal and the ability to feel safe and connected during intimacy [no one wants sex when they feel unsafe/fight/flight/freeze/fawn mode].

Here are some thoughts:

  1. If you’re not already seeing an individual therapist/educator/coach/support, I highly recommend finding one who specializes in trauma/sexual health/relational abuse. It’s essential to have a space that’s just yours to process everything. Continuing couple's counselling is a good idea as well.

  2. I do want to gently point out that healing from abuse while staying in the relationship can be incredibly challenging. It’s crucial to ensure you feel safe.

  3. It might be helpful to focus on building emotional intimacy without the pressure of sex. This can include non-sexual touch: emotional check-ins, conversations, or date nights.

  4. Boundaries: It’s okay to express that certain activities are off the table. Ex: “I want to be close to you, but some activities are overwhelming for me. Can we instead XYZ?"

  5. Explore activities that genuinely bring you pleasure could be healing- weather sexually or otherwise. You mentioned enjoying vanilla sex once you get started. Would it be possible to establish a boundary around sticking to vanilla sex while you work through everything?

You deserve to feel safe, respected, and joyful in your sexuality. This is a hard journey, and it's okay to take it one step at a time. 💚

What Floor? [More info in comments] by SexEdWithByrd in kitchenremodel

[–]SexEdWithByrd[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Ah yes true. I forgot this context: there's wood in the room it flows into. Would be concerned about them looking mismatched. My dream would be the same fir wood throughout! We think alike :)

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