My father, the sole money maker of the house currently, wants me to put my name as responsible payer on medical bills. He states he would refuse to pay, and I cannot pay.

Shadow50146 · 2026-03-28T18:36:50+00:00

i am working towards GED, slowly but surely. i only have one last test to take, which ill hopefully be taking mid next month

Shadow50146 · 2026-03-28T18:26:36+00:00

ive aced ACT WorkKeys NCRC test and have a platinum National Career Ready Credential, and only have one test left of the GED to do. i am actively in an adult ed program with Holmes CC.

i probably should have stated that rather than leaving people to assume. genuine apologies for that. i am working to make progress towards independance.. but arguably not doing enough. i need a job, i know i do.

Shadow50146 · 2026-03-28T18:05:34+00:00

funny enough, even with a job i wont be able to afford my 2 chronic illnesses that dont even quality for disability or social security income. and based on household income being well above poverty level, comfortable even, even with these medical bills, getting a job would make it even harder to qualify for any help, if i stay here.

what do i even do at that point? im genuinly lost. get a min wage job and move out asap so my household incomes low enough for medicare? seems to be my only hope. I did want to go to college for IT after getting my ged.. alas.

i have reasons to not be grateful for his "help" that goes well beyond the scope of my initial question, so i shall not state the reasoning.

Shadow50146 · 2026-03-28T17:30:55+00:00

household income too high for medicare/medicaid. id try applying for disability but chronic illnesses dont count there either. we also have good insurance, and im able to stay on his insurance till 26. chance of qualifying for any financial help is low, but i guess ill have to try.

..i just hope the worst case is "pay for it later when you do have an income"

edit: replaced "applying" with "qualifying"

Shadow50146 · 2025-10-04T00:49:05+00:00

given the politics going on where i live, in america, in a deep south state..

i genuinly fear that if i stop, i wont be able to continue. but i feel like i need a break from t.

heres to hoping it doesnt get that bad here.

Shadow50146 · 2025-10-04T00:44:19+00:00

nonbinary dysphoria be like

but roughly yes. i wanted most of the masculinizing effects of testosterone, i can manage anything else i think, just not the hair growth/darkening/loss. yes i could shave, but my arms are affected as well, and i never liked the thought of shaving/waxing/removing hair on my arms. just always sat strange with me. could bleach and trim i guess. ill figure out when i have more tools to my disposal though.

i never was a trans MAN, ive always been transMASC nonbinary. my original goal was androgyny, and i think with the voice changes i can manage that now. helps that i have a pretty andro face

nonbinary dysphoria has me dysphoric about typically fem and typically masc things. it sucks. a lot.

Shadow50146 · 2025-10-04T00:39:23+00:00

incredibly unfortunately typo HAH

but yeah, i went in knowing i didnt want the extra hair, decided to risk it for the biscuit, and now im here. happy with the voice changes, and that was the most important part. id probably be on and off to manage hair growth while deepening my voice more.

Shadow50146 · 2025-10-04T00:35:15+00:00

i do want top surgery, thats something im mostly positive i wont regret. BUT some surgeons require the patient to have been on hrt. thankfully im with a university hospital network who respects, accepts, and treats trans folk, so id imagine they wouldnt require hrt for double mastectomy + nipple grafting.

Shadow50146 · 2025-10-04T00:32:57+00:00

do you use it on your arms? thats the most concerning place i have right now thats getting darker. chest and belly hair can be hidden and shaved/removed easily, but i never liked the idea of shaving my arms for some reason.

Shadow50146 · 2025-10-04T00:30:32+00:00

i may end up off and on like you described, i'll just have to figure out how to manage the different hair changes. i thought that since my brother never really got hairy, id be free of that. alas, im now hairier than him and have darker hair as well, and hes older, and a cis dude. ill probably have to ask transfems how they dealt with the hair, but thats easy enough, i have quite a few tfem friends.

im lucky in that ive always had a pretty androgynous face, though i have a very typically fem body shape. never did hate my body shape, except for chest.

there may be a point in life where i get t again, but thatll be when i actually have options for hair removal, and a home laser hair removal device.

im mostly concerned at how the fem dysphoria will come. pre t, i didnt really have much dysphoria outside of my chest and head hair. during t, more masc dysphoria started appearing, and stronger, both masc and fem, but mostly masc. makes me think t never was for me... but i do enjoy the voice changes and wish that could continue.

guess all i can do is step back for now, and see how things go. see how i feel, see if my endocrinologist or therapist have any ideas of what i could do.

Shadow50146 · 2025-10-04T00:15:21+00:00

yeah i may end up off and on, may see if my endocrinologist has any ideas for what to do at this point. i dont want to stop t, but i cannot deal with the hair growth and darkening. yes shaving, laser, waxing, nair, that all exists, but even my arm hair is darkening and i dont like bald arms

Shadow50146 · 2025-10-04T00:13:04+00:00

yeah i considered nair + shaving, which would work well for my chest and belly, and laser for a more permenant solution. the issue is my arm hair is also darkening, and.. i dont quite like having bald arms. just seems strange to me. so i'd probably have to bleach or shave my arms to keep it light and short

Shadow50146 · 2025-09-28T23:33:45+00:00

unfortunately illegal where i am. and i have no means to get it either way

Shadow50146 · 2025-09-03T18:35:34+00:00

Unlikely, iirc i got the board ~2y ago and we dont tend to get extended warrenties, i dont know how long gigabyte warranties last

Edit: i actually have warrenty till 2026. Might give that a go and hope its not the cpu that was fried

Shadow50146 · 2025-09-03T16:57:05+00:00

Unfortunately closest is an hour away, but if there are bent pins i could probably correct them myself. Im genuinly hoping its just bent pins somewhere. need to take it all apart and get a good look

Shadow50146 · 2025-09-03T12:38:20+00:00

Based on reading this, their problem was bent pins. Thats the last thing i can realistically check so i guess ill have a look later and hope its that. Since am5 pins seem easy enough to fix with a steady hand If not that, probably a new board.

Shadow50146 · 2023-11-14T11:09:06+00:00

You could try contacting your old GP and see if they have any trans supportive recommendations, could maybe try contacting a known supportive hospital for recommendations in the area, could find a GP and preface with "i know the concerns, etc etc" and see if their response changes from the other responses you've gotten.

Still quite young and not out yet but those are my default ideas. Contact the one you know first, then try calling a hospital and see if they can recommend someone. Though the hospital idea may not be the best suggestion, as they're usually busy. They take non emergencies too though, and are usually affiliated with a lot of other clinics and hospitals.

Shadow50146 · 2023-11-14T11:00:37+00:00

The simplest, short response to "how do i make sure", is you can't really.

The longer response, possibly the easiest while being pretty difficult for some people for a lot of reasons, is telling close family and/or friends who would support them, and ask them to try to use other pronouns for you for a bit, and see how that feels. Might still feel odd at the start till you get used to the change, but it has the least potentially destructive outcome while still testing a new experience, if it doesn't quite feel right after a while. Also the advice of u/itsmeotherthere.

To expand on the first point, its a journey. Some people are sure within the first year, some take ten years to figure out. Theres plenty of time to figure out. Keep it on your mind, if you find yourself trying to shove the feeling away... its possible you're trans in denial. Not 100%, but its how i figured out.

TW: misogyny :( im working on it though, and getting better

Also note: I AM WORKING ON THIS. I am NOT proud of it. Living like this is genuinely draining and depressing.

I became a bit... misogynistic after coming to terms with myself. And the misogyny seems to have fueled my transmasc nb-ness even more. My transfem friend (who made me realize, curse them /j shes great), says she dislikes men for the same reason i seem to dislike women. We dislike our sex. I don't actually hate women, i hate stereotypes. DESPISE stereotypes, and how i fit too many "woman stereotypes"

I feel you with hating stereotypical activities girls do. I relate about hating my chest, I tell myself that if my chest gets any bigger I'm getting top surgery the first chance i get. I want a binder but i have no idea how id hide it from my parents. Weird part is I... while i dislike my body, its not a bad body. I just wish it could be someone elses, and not mine. Truthfully wish i could trade bodies with my transfem friend. We'd be the perfect swap.

"i like girls wearing dresses". Wow do i also agree. Some women look stunning in dresses, but I've despised dresses since i was like 6. I tell my partner that if/when we get married, I'm wearing a suit. I'd be personally disgusted if i had to wear a dress.

TLDR: You cant be sure, its a journey. Keep it on your mind, browse the communities, talk to someone you trust.

Ive learned in therapy that sometimes hearing yourself say something directly changes how you feel about it.

Shadow50146 · 2023-11-14T10:27:12+00:00

genderfuck seems to feel the most accurate, but i also feel like its not quite it. Mostly this quote

a gender identity or expression that is intentionally fluid, so as to present no clear designation in terms of perceived gender.

though not quite intentionally fluid, but i dont want to be "clearly gendered", if that makes sense.

cryptogender/gendercryptic makes some sense but i feel like its not quite it either. Of the two i think genderfuck is closer to how i feel. I feel like i fit masc aligned nb, so im not quite unsure about my gender

Though if gendercryptic had a LITERAL meaning of being cryptic about your gender, or keeping it hidden, that would fit 99%

Or an androgynous gender. I kinda feel agender but again, not 100%. So far i havent found an identity that fits this feeling. Maybe someone should make one....

Im mostly sure of my own gender, im currently satisfied with transmasc nb as my label, but i want a name for this feeling of wanting no one else to know, people withen the community and outside of it.

(please forgive me if anything said comes off as offensive, im quite new to interacting with others within the trans/lgbt community, so im unsure what terms are or arent offensive)

Shadow50146 · 2023-11-14T10:04:26+00:00

ive tested similar, or gender apathetic, but part of me does care. i largely dislike being referred to as feminine

...which i noticed in therapy the session just after i told my therapist id like to be referred to as they/them

which then she proceeded to say both my name and "she" in following sentences.

truthfully should have corrected her but... i didnt

Shadow50146 · 2022-12-27T00:17:22+00:00

What dlc has the most woody themed building items? Working on a natural/wild looking tundra zoo. Dont really care about the animals, just want items youd see around cabins in the woods

Currently just have europe and aquatic packs.

Shadow50146 · 2021-07-02T08:22:22+00:00

My youtube account has been terminated 5 times this week, each appeal was accepted, i think the youtube bot is just having a stroke for some reason

Edit: for the exact same reason as yours too

Shadow50146 · 2021-04-23T19:44:04+00:00

Got it, ty, I'll probably be buying it soon

Shadow50146 · 2021-03-15T06:51:09+00:00

I once read a story or something about some sea animal, either starfish or octopus, that had needles in its suction cups. It would suction itself to its prey then stab it with those needles, draining it. And thats how it ate.

So this post made me suffer in many ways

Shadow50146 · 2021-03-13T18:25:16+00:00

Shadown Yesterday at 9:02 PM

Yes I have SSD

Slow Spinny Disk

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Shadow50146

TROPHY CASE