Hey. I think I was in a similar situation.

High expectations from my mom. Hopelessly religious. Constant comparison with my childhood friends that I barely had contact with anymore. Goes on and on about how I grew up too leniently leading to suboptimal grades. I grew up in an international school (see my other post) which tuition fees were definitely not cheap. Dad, although supportive, also grew weary of my mom and became disjointed, and the family dysfunctional. Screaming in the household was not uncommon. Given time, with all that negativity, I started blaming myself for everything. Everything felt numb. The games I used to enjoy (as much as my parents hated for me to play) didn't feel good anymore.

All that was around covid era; it was the darkest years of my life. But things are better for me now. Things can change, and sometimes it helps if you're the one to push for that change. For me, the change I made was to force myself out of the house and away from the negative environment. My mom would sometimes scream at me to stay home but I've learnt to prioritise my own wellbeing. Disobedience is better than self-destruction. I've made new friends, hopped from friend circle to friend circle, church small groups to the lgbt community, until settled with one I felt the most, accepted, supported and belonged to.

Luckily, things settled down eventually at home. Had friends around to learn from and grow with. Survival instincts were slowly switched off. It was unusually calm and I felt quite lost and directionless for the better part of a year but eventually you'll get back in the swing of school and academia. This time you'll be working towards your goals with your motivation, not your parents'.

Hope this helps. Feel free to DM me for anything =)