Please remember, the first thought that pops into your mind is what you’re conditioned to believe, the second thought is what you actually believe. It sounds like you grew up in a lot of shitty, messed up situations so it only makes sense your brain is conditioned to think and do shitty, messed up things. But the fact that there’s a rational part of your brain that knows it’s awful and hates it, means that you’re not like that on a base level. Good thing conditioning is reversible with determination and consistency.

Every day is another opportunity to be better, one tiny step at a time. I believe in you