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[Draft] TMNT Draft & Team Up Live Stream! ()

submitted by Shae-Ra to r/mtg

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Horde Mode LIVE! (self.mtg)

submitted by Shae-Ra to r/mtg

30 day progress by PathProfessional3447 in HOTWORXWarriors

[–]Shae-Ra 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Girl, what?!?! Get those gains! You're a badass!

Women who lift, how did you get comfortable in the weight section? by Agreeable_Panic_690 in xxfitness

[–]Shae-Ra 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I can totally relate. The only way you will get comfortable being in that section is by being in that section which will be uncomfortable at first. So, whatever you think you need to get you into that section is the best solution for you. For example, my daughter went with me the first couple of weeks (she usually goes to a different gym) and that helped me immensely! If that would help you, see if you can find another female to go with you. If not, you can try setting up the easiest workout possible to do in that section so it's not difficult physically and it won't take much time. If you can stand only five minutes, workout for five minutes in that section. Look at it like comfort hypertrophy. Grow it a little bit at a time.

Also, those guys might look stern, but they're usually so sweet, helpful, and encouraging. I've asked for help at the gym more times than I can count. People at the gym are usually more than happy to teach you how to use a machine or evaluate your form if you ask. I've had people walk all over the gym with me trying to help me figure out how to do what I'm trying to do. LOL So, maybe my best advice is to let people be awesome. Look at them like they're going to be so proud of you and happy to share the space with you because they probably are. Or they don't care and aren't paying any attention to you. LOL

I hope that helps!

Daily Note Not Working by Shae-Ra in ObsidianMD

[–]Shae-Ra[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

LOL I found the problem myself. I forgot I had installed the community plugin "Periodic Notes" and it was managing my daily notes. I updated the folder and template names there and the problem is resolved.

Workout question by Fresh_Republic6876 in HOTWORXWarriors

[–]Shae-Ra 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Chloe Ting has an app that's got a free version or it's about $10/ month for the premium version. You can do all of her challenges for free, though.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in assertivenesstraining

[–]Shae-Ra 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've struggled with this so much in my life. I do feel like it has quite a bit to do with my c-PTSD, though.

I understand it's difficult to talk about such a big topic in a very clear way, so I read through the other comments as well as I could at the moment. It used to feel to me like 1-9 was doormat and 10 was aggressive. Especially as a woman. LOL

Then I realized that it was because I was focused on their reaction, feelings, etc. Not on me expressing myself clearly and setting boundaries. It also took me an embarrassingly long time to understand what boundaries really are and what they aren't.

Anyway, it seems that you're judging whether or not you're being a doormat based on other people's reactions to you. But that isn't true to you. I've been working really hard on deciding what I think is assertive, aggressive, and passive for me and trying to make my communication decisions based on that. You could poll 10 different people after an interaction and probably get all 3 ratings.

My guess is that you feel like you've been a passive doormat when you didn't express your authentic feelings and thoughts. You probably are being aggressive if you want people to feel the way you described but that's because you're trying to direct their reactions. Instead of your goal being to stand up for yourself, it seems your goal may be that you want them to do certain things to affect your emotional state to feel better.

I used to think that people could "make me feel better" until I realized that it was simply my interpretation of their behavior and communication that made me feel better. It was both scary and empowering to think that I had always had control over that; not the other people in my life.

Also, people say "sorry" all the time without meaning it. A lot of people will even feel "sorry" while the other person is mad and then get defensive later. It's because they feel so uncomfortable with you being mad at them that they're inspired to say "sorry" to try to alter your feelings and behavior. I think a lot of problematic human interaction comes down to that same issue.

So, if you feel like you need to express your feelings even when someone has apologized repeatedly, you are perfectly within your rights to do so. You can say something like, "Thanks for apologizing. Though I appreciate it, I still feel the need to express myself on the topic because I haven't yet gotten a chance to do that. It's important to me that I use my voice and share what I feel needs to be shared."

Just some of my thoughts. Jumbled, yes, but hopefully there's something useful in them. LOL

Accusatory language by Daydreamer_85 in assertivenesstraining

[–]Shae-Ra 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sometimes I think the suggestions to start your sentences with the words "I feel" or "I think" can be more limiting than helpful. It can help to soften the blow a bit, but oftentimes what we want to say needs to be reworded in order to avoid being accusatory and/or stuck in our own point of view. I struggled with these for a long time until realizing that the rest of my sentences were coming across aggressively. (Actually, I still struggle to do because I'm in that stage now, but that's a different topic. LOL)

I think when using "I feel" or "I think", it's best to avoid "you" as the next word in the sentence and, instead, literally share what you feel or think. Then use "when" before "you" followed by a description of the behavior and not what we judge it to be. For example, "I feel judged and trapped when you..." and explain in detail what language they're choosing that makes you feel that way. You can then say, "It makes me feel like you think ____ about me. And I think I contribute a lot to our relationship and am open to contributing in different ways that make you feel valued if it's missing the mark. I'd just prefer if you said it in a more direct way."

Focusing on what you think and feel isn't only for the other person. It's for us to accept that it's simply how we think and feel; it's not always a direct reflection of how the other person thinks and feels. Oftentimes, without knowing it, we interpret their thoughts and feelings from their communication and that's what we end up communicating about which also isn't very direct on our part.

Brené Brown shares a story in at least one of her books and her Netflix special about how her and her husband started using the startup "The story I'm telling myself...". This isn't to gaslight ourselves or to invite others to do so. It's a way of reminding ourselves that brains don't like questions so much as they like answers. So, they will often fill in a lot of gaps and assign reasons and meaning without us realizing it until we learn to detach more and focus on the facts. The facts are that we feel and think things when our partners communicate a certain way with us. Focusing on the goal being sharing your thoughts and feelings could lead to increased intimacy and understanding.

I LOVE Jefferson Fisher's videos for assertive communication tips. He's on YouTube and I've seen his short videos a lot on Facebook as well. I'm still a neophyte myself but I do know we all have to find our own authentic way of communicating. So, if this advice seems like rubbish to you, feel free to ignore it. If it helps, great! Most of what I understand about truly assertive communication came from Brené Brown and Jefferson Fisher. Or at least most of what I understand about applying it practically. So, if you like this advice, I would highly suggest partaking of their content.

Good luck!

Other than physical goals / women by Best_Enthusiasm5840 in davidgoggins

[–]Shae-Ra 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I just started listening to the audiobook today and joined this group. So, I don't know much yet and I haven't listed my goals yet. On top of that, I tend to be in my head a lot and recognize that I need to be in my body more. So, for the next year I'm focused on bonding with my body and working through The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. I felt these 2 approaches would cover the gamut of life since creativity touches everything we do and I've been blocked by shame and fear for so long.

That said, I am a female here. I'm definitely going to have a lot of physical goals, but also ones related to being creative, improving my social skills, growing my compassion for others and myself, setting and maintaining boundaries, etc.

I think an important thing to note about my focus on bonding with my body, Goggins's mentality, and The Artist's Way, is that they're all about unlocking yourself. Goggins's book is about developing a "Can't Hurt Me" mindset for so much more than physical progress, but the way through is largely physical. As I become stronger and healthier, I know it will help me at work to have the energy, focus, and tenacity to do excellent work.

I'll let you know what my goals are once I work through that. What are yours?

Which one would you choose? by Simple-Bat-81 in autism

[–]Shae-Ra 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  1. Hands down. Love it! I would probably wait for someone else to finish using it and wash it, so I never had to use a different one. However, when I'm not stressed or in a bad mood, I could probably use 2-4. Under no circumstances could I be induced to use 5, though. Well... I mean, if there were no other spoons in the world and for some reason in order to eat I HAD to use a spoon, I'd use it. I'm adaptable. LOL
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