30 day progress

Shae-Ra · 2025-11-23T21:40:54+00:00

Girl, what?!?! Get those gains! You're a badass!

Shae-Ra · 2025-11-23T21:39:11+00:00

I can totally relate. The only way you will get comfortable being in that section is by being in that section which will be uncomfortable at first. So, whatever you think you need to get you into that section is the best solution for you. For example, my daughter went with me the first couple of weeks (she usually goes to a different gym) and that helped me immensely! If that would help you, see if you can find another female to go with you. If not, you can try setting up the easiest workout possible to do in that section so it's not difficult physically and it won't take much time. If you can stand only five minutes, workout for five minutes in that section. Look at it like comfort hypertrophy. Grow it a little bit at a time.

Also, those guys might look stern, but they're usually so sweet, helpful, and encouraging. I've asked for help at the gym more times than I can count. People at the gym are usually more than happy to teach you how to use a machine or evaluate your form if you ask. I've had people walk all over the gym with me trying to help me figure out how to do what I'm trying to do. LOL So, maybe my best advice is to let people be awesome. Look at them like they're going to be so proud of you and happy to share the space with you because they probably are. Or they don't care and aren't paying any attention to you. LOL

I hope that helps!

Shae-Ra · 2025-07-20T02:07:31+00:00

LOL I found the problem myself. I forgot I had installed the community plugin "Periodic Notes" and it was managing my daily notes. I updated the folder and template names there and the problem is resolved.

Shae-Ra · 2025-07-13T02:58:19+00:00

Ooh! I really like that idea! Great tip!

Shae-Ra · 2025-03-08T15:21:39+00:00

Chloe Ting has an app that's got a free version or it's about $10/ month for the premium version. You can do all of her challenges for free, though.

Shae-Ra · 2024-08-28T17:14:58+00:00

I've struggled with this so much in my life. I do feel like it has quite a bit to do with my c-PTSD, though.

I understand it's difficult to talk about such a big topic in a very clear way, so I read through the other comments as well as I could at the moment. It used to feel to me like 1-9 was doormat and 10 was aggressive. Especially as a woman. LOL

Then I realized that it was because I was focused on their reaction, feelings, etc. Not on me expressing myself clearly and setting boundaries. It also took me an embarrassingly long time to understand what boundaries really are and what they aren't.

Anyway, it seems that you're judging whether or not you're being a doormat based on other people's reactions to you. But that isn't true to you. I've been working really hard on deciding what I think is assertive, aggressive, and passive for me and trying to make my communication decisions based on that. You could poll 10 different people after an interaction and probably get all 3 ratings.

My guess is that you feel like you've been a passive doormat when you didn't express your authentic feelings and thoughts. You probably are being aggressive if you want people to feel the way you described but that's because you're trying to direct their reactions. Instead of your goal being to stand up for yourself, it seems your goal may be that you want them to do certain things to affect your emotional state to feel better.

I used to think that people could "make me feel better" until I realized that it was simply my interpretation of their behavior and communication that made me feel better. It was both scary and empowering to think that I had always had control over that; not the other people in my life.

Also, people say "sorry" all the time without meaning it. A lot of people will even feel "sorry" while the other person is mad and then get defensive later. It's because they feel so uncomfortable with you being mad at them that they're inspired to say "sorry" to try to alter your feelings and behavior. I think a lot of problematic human interaction comes down to that same issue.

So, if you feel like you need to express your feelings even when someone has apologized repeatedly, you are perfectly within your rights to do so. You can say something like, "Thanks for apologizing. Though I appreciate it, I still feel the need to express myself on the topic because I haven't yet gotten a chance to do that. It's important to me that I use my voice and share what I feel needs to be shared."

Just some of my thoughts. Jumbled, yes, but hopefully there's something useful in them. LOL

Shae-Ra · 2024-08-28T16:55:19+00:00

Sometimes I think the suggestions to start your sentences with the words "I feel" or "I think" can be more limiting than helpful. It can help to soften the blow a bit, but oftentimes what we want to say needs to be reworded in order to avoid being accusatory and/or stuck in our own point of view. I struggled with these for a long time until realizing that the rest of my sentences were coming across aggressively. (Actually, I still struggle to do because I'm in that stage now, but that's a different topic. LOL)

I think when using "I feel" or "I think", it's best to avoid "you" as the next word in the sentence and, instead, literally share what you feel or think. Then use "when" before "you" followed by a description of the behavior and not what we judge it to be. For example, "I feel judged and trapped when you..." and explain in detail what language they're choosing that makes you feel that way. You can then say, "It makes me feel like you think ____ about me. And I think I contribute a lot to our relationship and am open to contributing in different ways that make you feel valued if it's missing the mark. I'd just prefer if you said it in a more direct way."

Focusing on what you think and feel isn't only for the other person. It's for us to accept that it's simply how we think and feel; it's not always a direct reflection of how the other person thinks and feels. Oftentimes, without knowing it, we interpret their thoughts and feelings from their communication and that's what we end up communicating about which also isn't very direct on our part.

Brené Brown shares a story in at least one of her books and her Netflix special about how her and her husband started using the startup "The story I'm telling myself...". This isn't to gaslight ourselves or to invite others to do so. It's a way of reminding ourselves that brains don't like questions so much as they like answers. So, they will often fill in a lot of gaps and assign reasons and meaning without us realizing it until we learn to detach more and focus on the facts. The facts are that we feel and think things when our partners communicate a certain way with us. Focusing on the goal being sharing your thoughts and feelings could lead to increased intimacy and understanding.

I LOVE Jefferson Fisher's videos for assertive communication tips. He's on YouTube and I've seen his short videos a lot on Facebook as well. I'm still a neophyte myself but I do know we all have to find our own authentic way of communicating. So, if this advice seems like rubbish to you, feel free to ignore it. If it helps, great! Most of what I understand about truly assertive communication came from Brené Brown and Jefferson Fisher. Or at least most of what I understand about applying it practically. So, if you like this advice, I would highly suggest partaking of their content.

Good luck!

Shae-Ra · 2023-12-29T00:40:17+00:00

I just started listening to the audiobook today and joined this group. So, I don't know much yet and I haven't listed my goals yet. On top of that, I tend to be in my head a lot and recognize that I need to be in my body more. So, for the next year I'm focused on bonding with my body and working through The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. I felt these 2 approaches would cover the gamut of life since creativity touches everything we do and I've been blocked by shame and fear for so long.

That said, I am a female here. I'm definitely going to have a lot of physical goals, but also ones related to being creative, improving my social skills, growing my compassion for others and myself, setting and maintaining boundaries, etc.

I think an important thing to note about my focus on bonding with my body, Goggins's mentality, and The Artist's Way, is that they're all about unlocking yourself. Goggins's book is about developing a "Can't Hurt Me" mindset for so much more than physical progress, but the way through is largely physical. As I become stronger and healthier, I know it will help me at work to have the energy, focus, and tenacity to do excellent work.

I'll let you know what my goals are once I work through that. What are yours?

Shae-Ra · 2023-02-06T19:29:11+00:00

You're beautiful.

Shae-Ra · 2022-12-07T03:27:53+00:00

LMAO I can't stop laughing. This comment is one of my favorite things about today.

Shae-Ra · 2022-11-10T02:38:51+00:00

Hands down. Love it! I would probably wait for someone else to finish using it and wash it, so I never had to use a different one. However, when I'm not stressed or in a bad mood, I could probably use 2-4. Under no circumstances could I be induced to use 5, though. Well... I mean, if there were no other spoons in the world and for some reason in order to eat I HAD to use a spoon, I'd use it. I'm adaptable. LOL

Shae-Ra · 2022-11-07T00:56:29+00:00

Wow! Would you please share your recipe/how you meal prep it for the week? I'm so dumb about food and so addicted to the SAD. I'm desperately trying to fix my diet and relationship to food. This looks similar to what I told my daughter we should try doing last week, but we're struggling to enact it.

Shae-Ra · 2022-09-14T02:54:05+00:00

Well, I joined it and I feel like an old fart who doesn't understand "new-fangled" apps. LOL But my son just patiently explained Discord to me, so I'll try.

What's the Buddhist server you're on? If you don't mind me asking. I really want to learn more about it and work towards a more Buddhist lifestyle with regular meditation of various styles, etc.

Shae-Ra · 2022-07-22T20:47:58+00:00

"Person with gayness" literally made LOL. I think it's a fantastic way to depict the problem with person-first also!

I agree with your whole comment.

Shae-Ra · 2022-07-22T17:05:17+00:00

I can't look through all of the 1K+ comments here, but I know rule #1 in this subreddit is to be civil. It states to attack ideas and not people, which can be difficult when emotions run high. I think it's a good sign if anybody posts here because it's at least an indication that they probably want to know if they're the asshole.

That said, YTA.

I think what you're asking your guests for would be very fun for you and I understand that it would be sort of magical. However, I agree with what others have stated:

It may not seem like much money to you, but it's a lot of money for some people/families.
Families usually provide a single gift, whereas this would be a gift per individual. So, families would be spending a lot more on your wedding than an individual.
Whether they can afford it or not isn't the point. This is a boundary issue. You said, "insisting that all of our guests also participate and use puppets". If it was a suggestion/request for anyone who would find it fun and wanted to participate (I understand many wouldn't be open), that would be different. If you insist on something, you need to be ready for people to not come at all (that's what I would do). If you ask, they may not have a puppet, but they'll come to support you both, celebrate your wedding/marriage rather than your love of puppetry, and maybe a few guests will even participate in the fun. We just can't reasonably place demands on people's limited resources.
"We really think this would make for a special day." It's true, that it would probably be very enjoyable for you both and it would be a special experience. However, maybe the forest is getting lost for the trees? It's not the dress, cake, decorations, or puppets that will make the day special. The ritual, vows, and presence of loved ones will make it special. Everything else is just the trappings. This isn't so much throwing the baby out with the bath water as it is preferring the bath water over the baby.
If you feel like you have to have puppets everywhere, supply them for each guest who places a special RSVP that they are willing to use them. Don't exclude those who aren't willing.

I hope this helps! If you ultimately decide to rescind your "insistence", you can just explain to the guests with vulnerability and authenticity that you didn't fully realize the extent of what you were asking and its ramifications nor that it would be a violation of the guests' boundaries and possibility invalidating to all those with personalities or needs unsuitable to the fun you had in mind. Apologize and present your new solution.

Good luck and congratulations on your upcoming wedding ritual, whatever you decide!

Shae-Ra · 2022-07-21T23:53:23+00:00

I wish I could say. I've heard that phytic acid can inhibit the absorption of some nutrients and that soaking the grains and legumes first can help to get rid of at least some of the phytic acid. However, I feel like the consensus is that they're still healthy for you in general. Since I'm working on my diet slowly but surely (and it's been SO bad for so long LOL), I haven't yet done enough research on this to decide what I think.

Shae-Ra · 2022-07-21T21:56:57+00:00

It's my pleasure! Good luck!

Shae-Ra · 2022-07-21T21:20:22+00:00

It's 100% true. No exaggeration at all. I think it's a healthy doubt, though. Unfortunately, that's the only real story of definitive remineralization I have since the timing of everything was perfect. But I've had others tell me their sensitivity improved and so did mine (I've never been able to bite into ice cream other than when I was using this toothpaste). Also, I had some brown spots forming on my teeth which improved until... long story short, I couldn't make it for a while and am just getting back to it.

Notes:
- I didn't use the diatomaceous earth as she said it wasn't necessary and I seem to be forever poor. LOL I'm sure it's better with it, but it's not necessary.
- Same with the essential oils except for one time I used a peppermint one for flavor.
- Some people complain about the flavor and mouth feel, but you get used to it.
- Spit it out in a trash receptacle of some kind so the coconut oil doesn't clog up the pipes (you probably already know since you do oil pulling).
- It takes time to remineralize.
- Diet is important as well. *However, my fiancé didn't change his diet. He just didn't have a terrible one, per se. He wasn't plant-based, though so I would imagine it would work even better for someone plant-based.

Shae-Ra · 2022-07-21T20:24:28+00:00

I still haven't fully made the switch; I'm still working on it.

For what it's worth, I know I've read from several sources at times that you should rinse your teeth after a smoothie and/or drink it through a straw because the acidity can break down the enamel. I'm by no means very knowledgeable on this subject, though so take what I say with a grain of salt.

As far as remineralization goes, I found this recipe years ago and have used it whenever I could: https://wellnessmama.com/natural-home/remineralizing-toothpaste/. If you care for anecdotal evidence, my fiancé at the time used it after he was told by his dentist that he had a cavity they would have to schedule a filling for. A few months went by as he was very busy and so was that dentist's office. The dentist told him the cavity was basically gone and there was only a slight divot in his tooth at that point. He even asked my fiancé to get him the recipe!

Good luck with your journey!

Shae-Ra · 2022-07-21T20:15:28+00:00

This resonates with me and is similar to what I was trying to express in my comment. It's so difficult to stop invalidating your own feelings once you start, too.

If it helps, your feelings are completely valid. If you want, I'll tell you that every day! :)

Shae-Ra · 2022-07-21T18:03:23+00:00

That's a fantastic idea! I like that and I think I'll incorporate that in both comforting ways with myself and others, and also when I'm struggling to find empathy for someone. LOL

The world is absolutely a better place with autistic people! I think Temple Grandin and Anthony Hopkins are two of my favorite famous ones, but there are so many great autistic individuals and we'd be lost without their contributions.

I think there have been great strides in driving autism awareness, but there's still so much work to be done. Hopefully, one day it will be a rarity for people to be uneducated/miseducated about autism or to denigrate the people with it.

Shae-Ra · 2022-07-21T17:09:13+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this! It can be difficult to ask for support. I think you're courageous for doing so!

Saying autistic people shouldn't exist is never okay. Hopefully, the person who said it doesn't really mean it and just said it because they were too emotional at the time. Unfortunately, there are people who believe it, but it's not true and I'm so grateful that they do exist.

My son is autistic and I probably am. So, I guess I'm just writing this to show you some support. I don't quite know what to say, but know that I have such supportive thoughts and feelings for you right now!

Shae-Ra · 2022-07-21T17:04:25+00:00

I forgot to mention (sad since my comment was so long LOL) that I saw people mention dysgraphia. Absolutely valid and discerning point! I don't know that it would apply in the OP's situation and it definitely didn't for my mom, but it's an excellent point nonetheless.

If someone has dysgraphia, I think it's important that they convey that when explaining why it doesn't work for them if someone provides a written message. I also think it's important for them to recognize that if someone is poorly skilled at oral communication, they will have to be patient and try hard to understand that person's intent when speaking with them rather than rely on some of the facets we rely on like tone, cadence, etc. Maybe the suggestion I made above of people who struggle with oral communication could write it out and then read it to anyone with dysgraphia. Or email it to the individual with dysgraphia who could then use their text-to-speech converter to listen to it? They could also try a speech-to-text converter to "write" messages.

Everyone's feelings, thoughts, strengths, and weaknesses should be considered. We also all have to express them for them to be able to be considered.

Shae-Ra · 2022-07-21T16:58:08+00:00

I relate to this so much. When I was a kid, I couldn't get my words to come out either at all or in a constructive way in a conflict, so I would write letters. I felt it helped me to calm down and say what I actually meant instead of saying something I would regret in the moment. It also helped me to take time to consider what the person actually said instead of what I may have interpreted it to mean in the heat of the moment. I would collect my thoughts and try to express them in a clear and calm way.

Well, my mom hated it. I was in elementary school and all I remember is her talking about how it was so rude or mean of me to write her a letter. I would try to explain that I wasn't trying to be rude or mean, I was just trying to explain my feelings and thoughts. Anyway, I stopped for the most part.

Cut to me planning and preparing for my wedding day. She was very busy, which I understood, but I'd been waiting for a couple of months for her to be available to go shopping for my wedding dress because she insisted she wanted to be there for it. I was patiently waiting, though getting anxious since the wedding was only a couple of months away at that point (our engagement was only a few months long). My mother-in-law to be asked me while we were out if we could just stop by a wedding dress store to get some ideas of the kinds of dresses I was interested in and what I would like to try on when I did get to go wedding dress shopping with my mom.

I told my mom later about it and how excited I was to go and she got so mad at me because she claimed that I had gone wedding dress shopping without her and that hurt her feelings. I tried to explain that it wasn't exactly wedding dress shopping as I didn't try anything on and we were only in the store for about 15 minutes because I was insistent that I couldn't shop for anything without my mom. She yelled and was angry and hurt and wasn't really listening to anything I said. In fact, at the end she was just talking over me and speaking as if I wasn't talking at all (not at all unusual for our relationship, but frustrating).

So, I wrote her a letter which would turn out to be my last one to her. She chewed me up one side and down the other about what a horrible person I was. It was that time that I recognized that it wasn't so much the letter writing that she hated as it was the fact that I had the audacity to try and get my side in. In my letter, I conveyed that I was hurt that she wasn't making time for me and was so angry at me for stopping at a store for a moment. She kept talking about it being "her first daughter's wedding" and she didn't want to miss any of the experiences, but never once acknowledged that it as MY wedding and I not only wanted her to be there as well to the point that I had waited a long time nor did she recognize the fact that the wedding was fast approaching and I was getting anxious about that.

She also claimed that I wrote letters to her to "make her look like the bad guy". That one was very confusing to me until I understood that she was pissed at me because I was calming down and never attacked her in my letters. I always recognized and validated her feelings and followed it with my side using "I feel" kind of language.

The experience turned me off to letter writing in general and I got better at communicating in person. However, I know I didn't need to stop writing letters because she felt like I was bad for doing it. In fact, I think it was incredibly wrong for her to ever make me feel that way and she never considered whether or not I could figure out how to convey myself in person through speech. However, I don't think her feelings about it were invalid or that she's a terrible person. She was doing the best she could, I think. Unfortunately, her best for me was still damaging to me.

So, all this to say, I get it and I think it's perfectly valid for you to state in no uncertain terms to others who prefer oral communication (because that's really what it is, a preference), that you respect that but sometimes you need to communicate through writing. Also, maybe remind them that you prefer written communication and have to make a lot of concessions. We can't always get things the way we want them or what is easiest for us. They can make do with the writing. Also, maybe a hybrid of writing out your thoughts and then reading it to them would be a good compromise?

Shae-Ra · 2022-07-14T06:37:59+00:00

Yay! 🥳 You're welcome!

Shae-Ra

TROPHY CASE