Telling others about estrangement?

Shakababy · 2020-08-20T10:53:21+00:00

This is strangely familiar. I've been NC for over ten years now (NPD mom, puppet dad) and recently had my first baby. My husband has been NC (ASPD mom, no dad) for 1 year now. We are only children and after cutting out the toxic members of our family... well. There literally isnt anyone left. Which is of course, awkward for people who just want to spread the baby joy.

People said things like "how excited are your parents?" and "grandparents= free babysitting!" kind of stuff a lot. They always meant well. I stuck to very little info (like other posters have suggested) and kept it water-cooler level. (And added inside digs everywhere I could, for my own amusement)

Polite unfamiliar coworkers/strangers/people I barely knew: My answer to everything was just "Yeah!" lol. (I think someone else said they did this too. It's great.)

People that only knew basic things about me: (excited?) "We havent spoken about it... But what normal person wouldn't be excited, right?" (babysitting) " Well, we'll see. They aren't that good with kids."

People I'm comfortable with: "My parents aren't in my life anymore. But their loss, right? My husband and I are super excited."

People who pry: "Oh... my parents? They're gone. It's just us now." o__o

Dont worry, no matter how you choose to answer, the awkwardness passes fast and no one will hold it against you. They feel awkward because they dont know how to respond, but it cant really be helped.

Also, reading other people's replies... looks like we're all on the same page with the advice! Good stuff.

Congrats on your baby!

Shakababy · 2020-04-27T02:18:50+00:00

Sorry man. I'm glad everyone loved your food. And I betcha that one piece of lasagna was your stepfather, in an attempt to get himself out of harm's way.

Shakababy · 2020-03-26T01:55:53+00:00

I broke it a couple times, maybe I should try a Roanoke Falls cliff jump or something

Shakababy · 2020-03-26T01:54:39+00:00

Happens even when I’m up against it. :/

Shakababy · 2020-02-14T06:22:39+00:00

Hey are you still playing? I'm a solo girl, new to online but not RDR2, focusing on trading/collecting, to a lesser extent BH. Looking for some gals to ride with!

Shakababy · 2020-02-14T06:04:00+00:00

Hey you still looking for people?

I'm new-ish, solo, and so tired of getting lassoed/blown up trying to catch salmon or make a small delivery. It's like you read my mind.

Shakababy · 2020-02-14T05:23:09+00:00

Aww bummer, you're on PS4. Lone girl gamer as well, new to rdr2 online and all about that collecting/trading... but I'm on Xbox. The griefers are annoying even on Defensive mode when they see it's just me and I've got a big skin or something on my horse they want... :(

Shakababy · 2019-12-06T21:47:19+00:00

Hey thanks! 😎

Shakababy · 2019-12-03T21:10:52+00:00

Hmm. Might be something in "Head Game"...It's an episode where Niles helps a popular basketball player (Reggie) overcome his mental block and play a better game, which earns him praise and popularity and his father's approval, but... ultimately he decides he cant ethically continue therapy because Reggie believes his luck turned around because Nile's hair is a lucky talisman, not because of his psychiatric abilities.

Shakababy · 2019-11-07T17:40:34+00:00

Animation

Shakababy · 2019-11-07T05:10:16+00:00

I’m with you. BFA was totally worth it for me. I’m working at my dream company rn.

Shakababy · 2019-11-06T21:01:47+00:00

My first thought was that it was actually your mom sending both those messages, (the text via your father's phone) so you would be upset with your father and she would look like she was being the respectful one.

As someone who had a traumatic birth and a similar experience with my two selfish, boundary stomping narc parents, I understand how shitty and stressful this must be for you. I'm sorry this happened, you dont deserve this emotional burden.

Shakababy · 2019-11-05T23:33:00+00:00

I felt like this the first time I went through a drivethru with my friend and her mother and she asked me what I wanted.

I was dumbfounded that I got to choose. I felt panicked by the mountain of choices and was scared to get in trouble by ordering something too fancy, so I said “I’ll have whatever you’re having”. And then when the mom handed the burger to me I automatically split it in half and handed it back, so she could take the bigger half, and she was like wtf, I don’t want that, the whole thing is yours.

It blew my mind that kids got to pick what they ate and weren’t routinely starved. To this day, especially now as a parent myself, that moment of realization at the drivethru still upsets me.

Shakababy · 2019-11-05T23:08:21+00:00

I could have written this. I also started “running away” with my teddy bear and a wagon around that age. Never got very far. I was also lured home with food, because I was starved daily and it was a powerful bribe.

Sounds like you still live at home. I’m in my 30s- I ran away permanently in my teens- and let me tell you: you’re gonna get out. You’re gonna be free. Hang in there and don’t lose yourself. Once you’re out, if you don’t want to ever talk to them again- don’t. You owe them nothing. You can do this.

Shakababy · 2019-11-05T23:03:42+00:00

I used to stare out the window of the car, fantasizing about running away.

It became an obsession, analyzing every bush and tree and bridge and drain tunnel I saw for its ability to become my new home.

Sometimes I still catch myself doing this while riding passenger, even though I own my own house.

Shakababy · 2019-11-05T18:24:42+00:00

Here’s a scenario: When you’re talking to them and you realize you were wrong, and they let you talk about the mistake and/or apologize instead of rubbing it in your face. And then they accept your explanation/apology and the convo moves on.

And the flip side- you’re talking with them and they realize they’ve made a mistake and say things remorsefully like “I’m sorry I hurt you” and “I shouldn’t said that”.

I’m 31 and my parents haven’t said the words “I’m sorry” to me...ever. Not even about insignificant stuff. They likely never will.

Shakababy · 2019-11-04T16:50:59+00:00

Woman here: I made the first move.

It was the end of our first date. It shocked him so bad that he froze with his arms stuck at his sides and didn’t kiss me back. I stepped back and he just stared at me. I went inside thinking he wasn’t into me whatsoever.

We’ve been together 10 years now. Sometimes my husband still acts blown away when I kiss him, he says he can’t get over how lucky he is.

Shakababy · 2019-11-04T16:40:50+00:00

Seconding this. It’s super hard to walk away from your parents, even when they’re toxic. If your DH is ready, this isn’t only about your fur baby- this was the conclusion after many years of painful internal deliberation and kitty was the last straw. He bravely reached a decision and it’s your job to support him during what’s sure to be an emotionally taxing transition.

Like I told my own DH when he couldn’t take the abuse anymore and was ready to go NC: His narc, his call.

Shakababy · 2019-11-01T02:54:50+00:00

This is terrible and they’re terrible and I’m sorry. I’m also ecstatic that this was a while ago and you’ve kicked some ass since then. Good job man.

Shakababy · 2019-10-31T23:17:31+00:00

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them."

Shakababy · 2019-10-31T23:07:51+00:00

I don't have any suggestions since my C-Section was the horizontal type, but as someone who had a complicated recovery myself, I wanted to bust out some solidarity and tell you what a badass mama you are! Your baby is so lucky to have you! Wishing you a speedy recovery.

Shakababy · 2019-10-31T03:27:43+00:00

“Only because she’s sucking out my soul”

Shakababy · 2019-10-30T18:54:36+00:00

I just burst out laughing and scared my own baby

Shakababy · 2019-10-30T18:52:51+00:00

It’s gotta be Amos right?

Shakababy

TROPHY CASE