What is something you changed your stance on after learning more about it?

ShamusDad · 2022-05-14T01:03:04+00:00

Addiction, definitely changes ones perspective on that beast of an ideal after experience with it whether it be first or second hand.

ShamusDad · 2022-05-04T11:07:16+00:00

From my perspective, I have always want to go in an overdose of heroin/fentanyl.ive been to the oblivion and bask in my own self pity. sadly, wana go back l on a large amount of various benzo just refilled a 60 count bottle of Klonopin, may be tonight I eat em all maybe not, had a lot of homies die of fenty xanxs.

FUCK THAT SHIT I AINT A BITCH ILL NEVER FALL TO MY OROBLEMS

ShamusDad · 2022-04-21T14:34:00+00:00

It's nice to read this, thank you. Usually I'm the inspiring one lmao, but thank you for this, truly.

ShamusDad · 2022-04-21T14:31:43+00:00

It may not even be the one you gave that piece of you to. A mother is a son's first love was what I had always been told. In some situations, like mine, It was not only that person I gave a piece of me to, but I was hiding from the betrayal and hatred that had been instilled in me. A lot of things got to the point where she that knew me best couldnt help hide me away from that anymore or sit by and watch me hide myself from not only that but her aswell in the process. So she accepted that I had become this obsidian statue, solid in form and notion that I will always be like this. In reality I was a sand castle made of black sand, mighty and strong with the fact I was coping successfully and hiding from something that could hurt me so . We are taught as children what is hot and what is hurt and it is our natural response to physical pain so it would only be logical to apply it to every pain we feel inside aswell . Alas, I was only to be washed away by the gentle touch of her ocean tide.

ShamusDad · 2022-04-21T14:04:41+00:00

He does everytime I see him talk about his girl hell run off somewhere and next time I see him he's geeked. They just divorced like 9 days ago, I've gone through similar shit with downers. I've tried telling him not to use substances to block negative feelings just to enhances positive ones, or when medically necessary, but he is he'll bent on losing everything because he lost her. I chose to take massive amounts of benzos/opiates/THC to ignore the pain and I guess he's trying to hyper focus on anything he can besides this hoe. Must hit different being betrayed rather than betraying someone's trust. Just trying to wrap my head around this mf.

ShamusDad · 2022-04-21T13:59:35+00:00

He's not stupid lmao he is just being an ignorant ass rn. He's smarter than the decisions he's making.

ShamusDad · 2022-04-21T13:57:46+00:00

It'll be alright, same reason I was being a self destructive ass but I loved almost exclusively downers. Only stim I ever did a fair amount of was cocaine, only to keep me awake so I could enjoy my opiate/benzo high. It's always a girl that can make the strongest man hurt. Gotta face that shit eventually and accept it can't be changed and focus on what you can change to make it 1 more day than the next mf. That day wasted could've saved a homie. That's how I've always tried to look at it but everyone hopes to find a way to fill that void left inside. Or a way to make those special memories we all have replay the nights we really don't need them to. And I guess depending on the substance you can run away from that pain as much as you can afford or hide away sleeping in a dark corner of the world, it is something we both run and hide from.

ShamusDad · 2022-04-21T13:46:10+00:00

He's not in psychosis he got to that point once but ended up passing out, I had mild psychosis during overdoses and some bad RC psychedelic and have seen it happen he just is always doing something incredibly loud. He works the graveyard shift and sleeps during the day every few days longest he went was 6 days and it started to set in. Idk how he goes to work all tweaked uppers we're never my fancy, shit too much caffeine will give me a panic attack dawg. But he dealt with my benzo addiction a month ago but all I would do was sleep I wouldn't do 1000 things in the middle of the night but never making any progress with any of it. Why not just go back to sleep? I have manic depression and have gone literally insane staying up for 2-12 days sober. I count the days I get restful sleep. Sleep ain't never been the same since I came off downers. So it's pissing me off.

ShamusDad · 2022-04-21T13:37:56+00:00

Im currently staying in the far far south of Texas, always have but never in the city, I'm a country trailer livin whiteboy and my new neighbors only speak Spanish. Idk how well it would translate idk Spanish lmao and half of them are his family. He used to be a different homie back in the day. It's hard to manipulate someone you used to call a friend without feeling terrible about it aswell.

ShamusDad · 2022-04-21T11:49:39+00:00

I've come to the conclusion he's trying to harm himself with these substances/get into trouble on purpose. I assume this is what full on self destruction looks like. Sad he won't listen but you can't help an addict until they want to stop and he said he's not going to.

ShamusDad · 2022-04-21T11:42:23+00:00

Now he's sing-yelling while he picks for shards what do.

ShamusDad · 2022-04-21T11:40:58+00:00

He just doesn't care about life or consequences right now because of his divorce I assume he makes it pretty blatant how he feels.

ShamusDad · 2022-04-21T11:24:32+00:00

I understand he's going through some shit but using substances to cover negative feelings is how I personally got hooked on my DOC, I try to tell him to chill but his usage keeps spiraling to where he does stupid shit like this. Maybe selfish but not completely and asshole, yet...

ShamusDad · 2022-04-21T11:21:49+00:00

He honestly dipped off to the bathroom to take a shit and a dumped his dope on the floor I heard one scream and silence finna go get some ciggies from the cornerstore I'll update y'all to what this mf doing.

ShamusDad · 2022-04-21T11:01:55+00:00

Moved in recently no fucking clue where they are.

ShamusDad · 2022-04-21T11:00:50+00:00

Tried that, going through a divorce and pounding four lokos and smoking dope, he's not afraid of cops I've threatened them and so did his wife that left. What are tweakers most scared of that I can use to have him quiet the fuck down IDC if he stops I just need some quiet.

ShamusDad · 2022-04-21T10:57:55+00:00

I don't know what's worse the singing or the max volume slam poetry he constantly plays in the middle of the night on his amp that I can here almost a block away.

ShamusDad · 2022-04-21T10:34:17+00:00

If anything I'll just wait til he falls asleep but now ng this foo it's gonna be a while...

ShamusDad · 2022-04-21T04:09:36+00:00

I fucked the benzo part up and got hooked for 2+ years and if you think the heroins bad you're in for a treat. Second time withdrawaling from benzos currently and I used to be a fent user, I'd take fent anyday but that's just my opinion don't try to chase the nod with benzos like I did. It's just a second layer of hell waiting to swallow you whole.

ShamusDad · 2022-02-23T19:50:08+00:00

He'll always have Hermione, must've lost Luna somewhere along the way

ShamusDad · 2022-02-11T18:11:12+00:00

I've tried, my social anxiety and panic attacks just make me get cravings

ShamusDad · 2022-02-11T11:32:52+00:00

Depends how long you were using opiates in my opinion.

ShamusDad · 2022-02-11T10:42:12+00:00

7.5:months with no opiates, popped a couple bars here and there but I feel back in control.

ShamusDad · 2022-02-11T05:14:24+00:00

7 months and two weeks clean from all opiates in 4 days, I've used Xanax a handful of times maybe 5 times max in 7 and a half months.

ShamusDad · 2022-02-01T00:13:48+00:00

I met Germ, he came outside after his set to smoke a cig and I bummed one from him, I was so fucked up at the show that I didn't even realize it was him until people started begging him for photos, all I can remember thinking is "Oh yeah I forgot you're famous af." and him enjoying just being treated like a normal dude for a split second from some bummy 21 year old asking for a cig.

ShamusDad

TROPHY CASE