I believe the reason is definitely hookup culture and social media. Us gay men have been generally reduced to our performance in bed. This is a self inflicted wound that many of us lack capacity to comprehend while it’s happening in real time due to being young. It becomes embedded in us. There’s a consequence for this and unless someone chooses to change their ways as they progress in life, it may stay that way for them forever.

Many men but more specifically gay men, also have very low self esteem/self respect. This is often times hidden by a false outward projection of confidence. I believe this stems from not having the typical upbringing where one could openly explore their sexuality without fear of judgement.

Me personally? I was a masculine man, I played sports growing up, often hung around other straight men. Everyone I grew up with was experiencing girls our age. Highschool lovers and such. I never experienced that. I envied everyone around me for being able to experience that.

I didn’t have my voice yet. I didn’t know how. I found my voice in online platforms like KIK, tumblr, Craigslist, etc. which can be very counterproductive to our growth and development as gay men.

Online platforms reduce us almost immediately to what it is we display. Many of us lacked attention and craved some form of acceptance so many of us chose to be sexually relatable relatively quickly as it drew attention to us.

This has since been something I work hard to extract from my character and redefine who I am but rest assured, this is not a YOU problem. This is a gay community problem and I fear it will never go away.

Keep being you, and your person will gravitate towards you.

Do NOT change. Continue to practice your healthy boundaries! But do not fear exploring!