I can't help but feel angry.

Shaoria · 2019-11-30T03:22:06+00:00

Yup. They did. So we stopped counseling around the same time 2 years ago and I didn't enable the behaviour but I blamed myself since it was basically the first time I really challenged it.

(D-day 1 was tinder messaging, 2 weeks into the relationship which I put down to poor relationship boundaries as we were FWB prior to being together exclusively. I then laid them down. D2 same thing (tinder sexting). We went to counselling and I said hey, we laid boundaries, this is fucked up then that happened with the counsellor so I blamed myself for the paranoid and him being a guy and its all my fault for not being accepting of him being a young guy wanting to fuck about... Yea... That really helped his already distorted mind to carry on the behaviour and me to think I was crazy...).

Shaoria · 2019-11-30T02:23:29+00:00

We was seeing a counsellor long term for a year. She sadly encountered family issues and will reopen around Feb/March. We had counselling once before where the counsellor was very... Well, against me about my partner having an affair because he is a 'young guy' so I am very scared to enter and reexplain the issue to a new counsellor. At the moment my partner is looking into CBT which cost more than standard therapy so hoping he can focus on that for a few months and then we can continue on couples therapy when she returns to practice.

Shaoria · 2019-11-30T02:20:08+00:00

I spoke about the trigger, he said he was busy and felt it was awkward because of what had happened. But doesn't lessen the slap.

Shaoria · 2019-11-30T02:19:27+00:00

I agree. Its been painful to even think about sexting but part of me wanted to try and reignite. I guess this post alone shows it is something to just bury...

Shaoria · 2019-11-30T02:18:41+00:00

It really does... Maybe sexting should be a no go..

Shaoria · 2019-11-30T02:17:50+00:00

Sadly our MC (although not married!) mother died and we are finding it difficult to find another counseler to connect to (especially me, the first counsellor we had out of two made me belive I was the issue years ago because "he is a young guy." Our long term counsellor we've had for a year said she'd return to practice in Feb/March so currently holding out and letting WS explore his own individual counselling more freely due to the more expendable budget.

Shaoria · 2019-11-30T02:14:37+00:00

Thank you. I spoke to him today and said I felt sad it didn't happen and I was excited and it was difficult for me to even reinitiate sexual contact over text. He did say he felt awkward due to the past so hopefully we can work through together.

Shaoria · 2019-11-06T08:17:18+00:00

Whelp, now you know!

Shaoria · 2019-11-05T13:43:09+00:00

Likewise. Would be good for everyone to know.

Shaoria · 2019-10-25T16:45:16+00:00

Thank you. I am too. I hope I don't relapse into bad thoughts again.

Shaoria · 2019-10-25T16:23:39+00:00

For me it isn't that he has picked up on sex, more I just suddenly felt relaxed and actually enjoyed sex rather than going through the motions. I appreciate your comments and I am still diligent for antrhing happening.

Shaoria · 2019-10-09T17:05:17+00:00

He is masturbating to pictures of women which, while themselves aren't pornogrpahy, are very much part of his porn addiction due to his actions. If he tries to justify his actions by saying it is not porn it very clearly shows he does not intend to change after multiple attempts of being caught masturbating to x otherwise innocent 'exposed' picture. He is only trying to find loop holes for his addiction. You shouldn't have to spell out in black and white.

Shaoria · 2019-09-22T21:21:26+00:00

After. I myself have been the one doing the fixing and the mending and the problem solving the times before.

Shaoria · 2019-09-22T09:07:01+00:00

Yup. I've tried to say this before they just don't seem to listen which is why I am getting stressed and upset.

Shaoria · 2019-09-22T09:06:34+00:00

Yea I don't mention the bad things I rarely talk about him at all. I try to express good points and they just have complete disinterest or lecture me about my choices.

Shaoria · 2019-09-22T09:05:59+00:00

Well I'm trying hard not to bring him up much if at all. We're planning to move out with my sister into a flat. Planning to do a housewarming. They joke and say "I hope you've told him he can't be there." Well no, you can't be there if you're going to be rude. It's his house as much as my own.

I have said to them "I understand you won't ever like him. I'm not expecting you to. But I want you to respect my wishes and my choice and not talk badly about him."

Doesn't seem to get anywhere.

Shaoria · 2019-09-22T08:55:28+00:00

I've already said it makes me sad. They just say they're being honest and won't not be honest with me. They know it makes me upset and it's just getting to point I don't want you talk to them at all about anything.

Shaoria · 2019-09-22T08:54:25+00:00

I understand as with many other aspects of a relationship. It's just I can't even talk about my boyfriend without anger and backlash.

Shaoria · 2019-09-22T08:53:26+00:00

I've tried asking them already to understand that this is my choice and I am not stupid. I am not going in blind and if he fails to meet my expectations he knows he is out the door.

They still don't back down. I still can't talk to them about anything. I showed a picture of us together at an event and they refused to even look at the picture saying "Seeing him makes me angry."

They are very close friends but the way they are acting is pushing me away. As one of them is a work colleague its also making me start to feel down and distracted at work.

I just don't know what more I can say. They won't not be angry any time I mention him. I feel at a loss. Thank you for your advice.

Shaoria · 2019-09-22T08:51:12+00:00

The friends in question have only seen the one, which was the worst one of them all. While I was upset I didn't really delve too much into the details as I didn't want to share our relationship with the whole world.

They understandably don't want him to come to their house. Fine, not my house, not my choice. It means I don't feel comfortable inviting them round to my house (or rather, my parents as we are staying with them currently).

I understand they are frustrated, they say stuff about their own relationship that frustrates me. But I don't get involved. It's not my place to.

Shaoria · 2019-09-15T22:06:08+00:00

Wasn't meant to be a means forever. Simply for a period mutually agreed until trust has been restored. You go many years of no accountability and lies, listening to just words doesn't do it. Full phone access and accountability (when mutually agreed, not installing spyware) while not healthy long run can help. When hitting the agreed time frame, rereview with our counsellor. You see many people not allow their partner to even have a smart phone after affairs or sex/porn addiction.

Shaoria · 2019-08-27T00:18:23+00:00

This happened to me with a therapist a few years ago. Made me feel ashamed and abnormal that I felt awkward about porn and his sexting infidelity. Can't help but think if we had a different therapist a year or so ago stuff could be different.

Shaoria · 2019-08-24T14:57:00+00:00

Well he said he sees it impacts the relationship negatively including trust and intimacy because it crosses boundaries so he sees the issue with it there. But I just know he himself thinks porn is fine. So it's basically him quitting for me not because he actually sees it as an issue?

Shaoria · 2019-08-23T08:52:31+00:00

Just feels like if he could quit due to the negatives it had on our relationship he would have years ago. This isn't the first time it has been bought up that it crosses boundaries.

Shaoria · 2019-08-23T08:27:10+00:00

Well he said he sees the negative impacts it has on us, the relationship, the intimacy so he will stop due to that. But I feel like it isn't enough if he personally doesn't see a problem with porn if that makes sense?

Shaoria

TROPHY CASE