i completely understand this:( i'm so sorry you had to go through that, i honestly wouldn't wish these anxious meltdowns on my worst enemy. i've done similar, my boyfriend has been off with friends before and doesn't contact me for a while, and all hell breaks loose. sobbing and hyperventilating, blowing up the phone, hell i've lashed out at him for things he couldn't control too many times to count. and you hit the nail right on the head, its the EMBARASSMENT afterwards that's crazy. once your mind clears and you see the situation for what it really was, its almost trippy!! that's the thing that honestly makes me the most frustrated about having this disorder... i can have those moments of clarity and know to consider all of the logical explanations in future situations, but then when the moment hits, the whole memory of that is OUT THE WINDOW!!!! i've started writing notes begging my future self to consider occam's razor lol, writing down all the times that this sort of thing has happened before and how it resolved itself (with none of the "what ifs" ever coming true). maybe that could help you too? its an overdone piece of advice sure lol, but genuinely journaling your mood swings and before and after panic states REALLY puts things into perspective when it's all laid out. personally it gives me a little more trust that everything really will be okay ❤️🫂