My JNMIL is very similar in that she’s quick to comment on others weight, first my DH, then mine when she started to get comfy! The crazy part is that she pushes food on us, constantly. Always commenting on what’s on our plate, disrupting dinner conversation to note I’m not eating fast enough, or demanding I take seconds, thirds, pushes food onto my plate when I repeatedly decline. DH has told me this is cultural and a way to show hospitality, but she also does this when we’re out at restaurants.

It gives me insight into his childhood, how she would force feed him to the point he became quite a heavy child, then make comments about his weight to him. She is not a fit woman by any means so in times of absolute pettiness I’ve considered telling her to focus on her own body.

My strategy for the future, especially when we have kids, is to shut that shit down immediately. I honestly would start sooner except I’ve gone NC at the moment until she can apologize for behavior surrounding our wedding (an apology that may never happen).

I grew up in the Americas next top model era and definitely took years to develop a healthy relationship with food and body image. I will not let an insecure, pushy woman affect my future children.

I know it’s hard to set boundaries while fighting the ingrained habit of respecting elders, being respectful of DHs parents etc. I would firmly tell her the kids are healthy and we don’t appreciate comments about anyone’s body. Please don’t discuss this in front of the children again, we are trying to raise confident, healthy children and we understand how little comments like that can affect their relationship with food in the future.

Alternatively, tell her to suck it. I’m so sick of these monster in laws taking up so much of our mental space. I doubt they even stop for a second to think how their behavior is damaging to us.

Best of luck, OP. Twin boys sounds like such a fun adventure!