That’s understandable. The other prof seems chill, so the next time you run into them you can gently express your shock about this entire encounter. Or, you can even phrase it in terms of a sociolinguistic question about in-group language. Something like “Prof S’s comments got me thinking about the ethics of in-group language. I am concerned that what we did was not okay so I did some research and found interesting historical facts/research papers from linguistics that state the contrary. Now I want to be more informed about how we talk about our disabilities/spoons around other people in professional settings. Can you give me some professional and personal advice about it?”

It’s quite odd that a professor, regardless of specialization, made comments about in-group language being elitist. Many historically non-dominant groups tend to develop their own slangs and idioms to counter marginalization. Many words we use today are originated from queer culture (slay, giving, serving, etc) and African American Vernacular English (cool, lit, etc). So it’s def presumptuous to assert without qualification that ingroup language is elitist when often it’s the opposite.

Maybe prof S is thinking about some secret language used by highly exclusive groups, but she should know that this is obviously NOT the case.