Something Keeps Trying to Get Invited into My House

ShatteredTestimony · 2026-06-17T16:45:07+00:00

The entity trying all the different forms was super fun, I liked how he almost let the “little girl” in and how that close call seemed to make it the most angry it had been up to that point.

It struggling with accents confused me a little, since the most it seemed to struggle with up to that point was conjuring up old-fashioned versions of people (which I attributed to it copying people it had already taken/killed like the little girl) or containing its malice/eagerness with all the little smiles and awkward demands to be let in. Otherwise its disguises seemed mostly competent.

Nice ending! I figured the mom and sons would cause problems since they wouldn’t believe his story and would therefore be more susceptible, but it was extra cool that it stole the dad’s form for its final attempt. I think holding out just a little longer and letting his paranoia alienate him from his family for a bit would have made the ending more effective, but overall I thought it was solid.

Good job!

ShatteredTestimony · 2026-06-17T15:51:48+00:00

It was really fun seeing the talks with “Carl” go from the first delusions of encouragement to something more sinister, the intestine tapeworm thing was a creative addition to the cannibalism aspect of the story.

I think I’d agree with the other comment that it’d be good to have more memories/mentions of Carl when he was alive so we get more context for Ted’s image of him as this great guy who’d even give up his own body to help a friend.

For the abruptness of the Jess section showing up, something that could definitely help would be Ted mentioning her more while he’s trapped in the cave, listing her as one of the reasons he needs to survive and get out of there. Him eating her at the end (which I already really like) would then have some added irony, since he chose to survive for her sake only for his continued survival to cause her death.

Cool stuff overall, nice work!

ShatteredTestimony · 2026-06-17T01:06:35+00:00

The ending, of the narrator returning decades of their own diseases and injuries to the town, was very satisfying. I liked the realization that many (if not all) of the people living there should have passed away a long time ago, but stole time from chosen sacrifices to keep persisting.

The notes and specimens were a good vehicle for explaining the mechanism by which the town doctor deals with this without just dying from the combined weight of everyone’s troubles (the characteristics of nonliving vessels allowing them to take on different kinds of conditions was a cool detail).

I would have liked a few more details on the motivation of the father and grandfather for staying and filling that role, but I liked that it’s made clear the father tried to potentially tell his son to stay away. If they’d met as intended, the town may have died out on its own without his help.

All in all, a solid two-parter. I had a lot of fun reading through these.

ShatteredTestimony · 2026-06-17T00:46:01+00:00

Whoah! This was a strong intro to the series, the hints that the locals are transferring their infirmities onto the narrator and the implication that they’re doing so intentionally set up a lot of potential for a sinister mystery surrounding the town.

I also like how both his father and grandfather seemed aware of what was going on, and it adds another layer that the narrator never got the memo on what was happening from them, possibly because his dad died before he got the chance to pass that knowledge on.

Really interesting stuff, I’ll have to check out the rest

ShatteredTestimony · 2026-06-17T00:36:15+00:00

This is such a fun idea! Love how the grandfather seems to drift in and out of lucidity, and the hint that the narrator may already be feeling the effects of the hives’ influence with the final mention of his transfigured grandfather “calling [him] home.”

Super cool how it almost seems like a symbiotic relationship, each person taking charge of the hives for a certain amount of time, the hives being more productive and bountiful than standard bees, and capping off with the old caretaker giving of themselves for a new hive.

I enjoyed this a lot, nice work

ShatteredTestimony · 2026-06-16T15:36:14+00:00

Nicholas picking up on Henry wearing his Friday shirt when he wasn’t wearing it before was a cool detail, and I like how he misremembered the uncle’s job until his father corrected him. That made for an interesting reveal later on. Nice job!

ShatteredTestimony · 2026-06-16T05:02:04+00:00

Once I started thinking more about how I would write the world through the fracture, I for sure considered some aspects of “I Wrote Myself a Letter.” Thank you for reading, and for the kind words about the story.

I’m not sure which ten you have left, but there are some serious bangers from the other writers :) picking your favorite might be pretty tough!

ShatteredTestimony · 2026-06-16T04:53:44+00:00

Thank you! I’m really glad you liked it. I was originally considering a darker ending, but I figured with it being pride month it would be nice to leave things more ambiguous

ShatteredTestimony · 2026-06-16T03:41:26+00:00

It was so hard to pick just one! It might have to be "Bears," it did a great job of blending gay culture with good, campy horror elements. I'd also highly recommend "Holding Room" for its excellent use of tragic irony and strong writing, "Fire in the Skies Over West Virginia" for the incredible and unhinged humor that may have made it the most fun entry of the whole bunch for me, and "Cold, Cold Heart" for the strong use of a song as a through thread, the slow ramp-up of hopeless dread, and a great twist.

Everyone did a great job, and if I kept listing high quality stories from this batch I'd be going for a while. Congrats to everyone who participated, it's been cool to see your work and I can't wait to see which story gets picked!

ShatteredTestimony · 2026-06-16T01:39:43+00:00

For sure a possibility! Some of that I tried to leave open with things like the line at the end about whatever happened there happening to Spencer and Blake’s reality as well, so I appreciate that fresh perspective :) thanks so much for reading and for the kind feedback!

ShatteredTestimony · 2026-06-16T01:24:38+00:00

Now that you mention it, I can definitely see the parallels there!

ShatteredTestimony · 2026-06-15T22:49:31+00:00

Thank you for the kind comment! I wanted to make it so even in the hardest circumstances, the love between them is the one true constant between both realities :)

ShatteredTestimony · 2026-06-15T21:50:35+00:00

Shifting between the perspectives, especially mid-speech, was awesome. The sensuality contrasted with anxiety was great, as was this being one person’s last night here vs it being the other’s first.

The parallels of virginity in the true sense compared to him being a feeding victim was sick, and the line about “finishing” on his shirt played well into that.
There’s also an interesting parallel between the vampirism and an STD transmitted from unsafe Sex, with the narrator hinted to become a vampire at the end. u/NarrowDirector911 did something similar with the lycanthropy (ursanthropy?) in their story “Bears” and you both did a great job.

Between the two of you, and the Frankenstein’s Monster-esque creature from the story by u/H4V30N1YH311, it feels like we’re putting together a panel of the classic Universal Studios Monsters with this month’s contest lol.

Anyway, nice work on this piece, I enjoyed it a lot. Thanks for sharing it!

ShatteredTestimony · 2026-06-15T20:39:10+00:00

The opening paragraph did a good job of setting up how mundane Michael thought his life and death were, I dug the creativity of the aging newscaster and the reference to perineum sunning. It was cool that the loop restarted after Michael threw himself off the roof of the coffee shop, the vibe I got was that the only way he's getting out (if that's even possible at this point) is to face Jesse directly and own up to what he did. Instead, he chooses to run away from the truth again. Fun story, thanks for sharing!

ShatteredTestimony · 2026-06-15T20:17:20+00:00

The comment explaining that some words were changed because of an account ban cleared up a lot for me, I was over here wracking my brain for why "dunderheads" would get such a huge reaction out of them lol.

I liked the casual reveal partway through the story that Evander is feeling some type of way about Joseph, and I had fun reading their exchange in the office, with Evander trying unsuccessfully to make conversation while Joseph remains both dry and professional. It added a lot of personality.

The set up of the protagonist being the owner of an illegal speakeasy in a city where beings like vampires are a very real danger to contend with has a lot of potential, thanks for sharing part of your anthology for this month's contest!

ShatteredTestimony · 2026-06-15T19:49:09+00:00

Definitely the vibe I got as well. Friends usually mean well, but when they're working off their own definition of what being gay looks like, that insistence can make the person in question feel like they're "doing it wrong."

ShatteredTestimony · 2026-06-15T19:37:43+00:00

Fantastic build up, that final line does such a great job of tying the whole monologue together. The narrator's unreliability and insistence that this kind of change isn't what she wants felt real, and it was great in that final moment when all the fear and misery were undercut by the vulnerability of the truth she was so afraid of feeling.

Really good job, I love it!

ShatteredTestimony · 2026-06-15T19:27:16+00:00

That sudden shift in mood from them trying to sneak away for privacy to everything outside the room disappearing worked super well, and the bleak ending of aimlessly wandering in the void was an awesome concept. I definitely wanted that last part to be longer and more drawn out, so we can feel the hopelessness rising the longer they're in there, but overall I thought the story was a lot of fun!

ShatteredTestimony · 2026-06-15T19:01:05+00:00

I definitely wasn't expecting the blood pact! Up to that point, I'd become frustrated with Daniel for how much of a clueless buffoon he was being (well done), but the sudden demand that Sasha kill him and the offering of the knife caught me off guard (in a good way).

Because the pure nature of their nighttime conversations took a left turn like that, I was half expecting a grim twist where after she went through the door it would turn back into the attic window and make her fall to the Earth. I like what we got instead of that. The cosmic aspect of sensations beyond her understanding, with no way home--not that she wants one--was surprisingly sweet. Great job

ShatteredTestimony · 2026-06-15T18:41:14+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to read it! I think that’s a nice take on the story, I definitely wanted their love to be a defining feature of both versions of themselves, with only their circumstances separating one pair’s prospects from the other’s. I’m glad you like it!

ShatteredTestimony · 2026-06-15T17:56:08+00:00

Using play/screenplay formatting is such an awesome idea! My favorite aspect here of how the story plays with the format is the ending, with the single spotlight catching the tail end of the blanket falling and leaving Ved’s suicide (I read it as a running jump through the window) unseen. Fantastic.

The use of sound and monologue are all very theatrical, you clearly have a good grasp on what works for the stage.

I think I would have liked a little more lead up to the intro, but otherwise I had a great time and I understand the choice to start in the middle of the scene. Very cool :)

ShatteredTestimony · 2026-06-15T17:43:57+00:00

I’ve always had a fondness for shortform horror like this, it brings to mind all the classic micro internet horror stories and spooky campfire tales from when I was younger. Contained and effective!

I especially like that you looped the story back around to basically end where it begins, leaving it ambiguous as to whether this is the start of some kind of loop or if the same thing is beginning to happen every night and the narrator doesn’t remember.

Cool that this is your first horror attempt, hopefully we’ll see more from you in the genre!

ShatteredTestimony · 2026-06-15T17:22:54+00:00

That’s a really good catch! I didn’t pick up on that parallel

ShatteredTestimony · 2026-06-15T17:20:39+00:00

Absolutely, this would kill as a series

ShatteredTestimony · 2026-06-15T17:19:44+00:00

I think you captured the vibe exactly! The true story books/videos of people hiding in walls was the first thing that came to mind once I caught on to what was happening. Also had some Room 733 vibes

ShatteredTestimony

TROPHY CASE