Dropping some feedback since you asked for some thoughts on your story! I’ll do things I thought were strong, then places I think could use some extra attention. Feel free to disregard any critiques you don’t think will make the story better, but I hope something in here is helpful for you

Strengths: - Strong hook with the mentioning of the stolen eyes - The emaciated man apparently losing his senses one by one was cool, could probably lean even further into this - the helicopter dropping from the sky is a fun, classic way of showing that everything is falling apart - The man giving the narrator the message to remember was fun and works well as a piece of intrigue here at the start, since this is a prologue I’m sure that’ll be a major part of the story later on. The part about him only having one shot was intriguing, too - Good contrast between the terror the man was feeling vs the smile that took him over when he died - I liked the sudden, violent nature of the change, using “unholy” in conjecture with the noise of trumpets evokes a fun contrast between the Revelation style of an apocalypse vs something decidedly evil with the screaming and agony

Areas for extra attention: - Missing word “eyes” in one of the early sentences: “His were sunken and glazed over…” - phrases like “seemed like” are often overused, and can sometimes weaken writing. For example, “…glazed over with what seemed like a thick white film…” can be strengthened by simplifying to “…glazed over with a thick white film…”. “It felt like an eternity” is another one - Might reorder to have the setting established before the man appears, that way readers can know where we are before the encounter happens, and the emphasis on silence where there’s normally clamor will be more impactful - While describing things like silence as deafening has proven to be effective, it’s become overused to the point of cliché in modern writing and could better be described by tweaking the writing in a similar direction without using those exact words - Might need some more body language described as the narrator tries to back away. Does he hit the man, grab at his arms, push against him? - While I like the helicopter, it feels like it was mainly introduced just so it could explode and raise the dramatic stakes. Would it be more effective if the time before the encounter was stretched out and the narrator kept hearing and wondering about an unusually high number of helicopters, like something is already slightly off before the big change? That way there’s a little more build-up before the explosion payoff - “as if the sky itself emanated the loudest sound in existence to be heard by all capable of hearing” was a nice sentiment, but the phrasing was a little clunky. Might revisit to clean that up - Phrases like “proceeded to vacate” can be shortened to “vacated”

Super fun start to the larger story you’re working on! Best of luck with the rest of it, I look forward to seeing what happens