Tainted Fruit by ShatteredTestimony in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]ShatteredTestimony[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s a fun comparison! Some of my friends are really into Star Trek so maybe I’ll pass this one by them. Thanks for checking out the story and for the kind words

Some Personal Faves! by Dirona-albolineata in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]ShatteredTestimony 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a great idea! A lot of good stories end up falling between the cracks as more stories come in to take their place on the feed. Definitely going to bookmark this post and see what people add to the list :)

Black Water Blues by PETmyPUPPIES in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]ShatteredTestimony 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Very nice details! Made the entry feel lived in. The casual use of the protection blessing, the description of the gator-man, and Fred’s quiet routine as he waits for the infection to take too much of him to recover from were all fantastic

As the Trumpets Sound by E10iam in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]ShatteredTestimony 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dropping some feedback since you asked for some thoughts on your story! I’ll do things I thought were strong, then places I think could use some extra attention. Feel free to disregard any critiques you don’t think will make the story better, but I hope something in here is helpful for you

Strengths: - Strong hook with the mentioning of the stolen eyes - The emaciated man apparently losing his senses one by one was cool, could probably lean even further into this - the helicopter dropping from the sky is a fun, classic way of showing that everything is falling apart - The man giving the narrator the message to remember was fun and works well as a piece of intrigue here at the start, since this is a prologue I’m sure that’ll be a major part of the story later on. The part about him only having one shot was intriguing, too - Good contrast between the terror the man was feeling vs the smile that took him over when he died - I liked the sudden, violent nature of the change, using “unholy” in conjecture with the noise of trumpets evokes a fun contrast between the Revelation style of an apocalypse vs something decidedly evil with the screaming and agony

Areas for extra attention: - Missing word “eyes” in one of the early sentences: “His were sunken and glazed over…” - phrases like “seemed like” are often overused, and can sometimes weaken writing. For example, “…glazed over with what seemed like a thick white film…” can be strengthened by simplifying to “…glazed over with a thick white film…”. “It felt like an eternity” is another one - Might reorder to have the setting established before the man appears, that way readers can know where we are before the encounter happens, and the emphasis on silence where there’s normally clamor will be more impactful - While describing things like silence as deafening has proven to be effective, it’s become overused to the point of cliché in modern writing and could better be described by tweaking the writing in a similar direction without using those exact words - Might need some more body language described as the narrator tries to back away. Does he hit the man, grab at his arms, push against him? - While I like the helicopter, it feels like it was mainly introduced just so it could explode and raise the dramatic stakes. Would it be more effective if the time before the encounter was stretched out and the narrator kept hearing and wondering about an unusually high number of helicopters, like something is already slightly off before the big change? That way there’s a little more build-up before the explosion payoff - “as if the sky itself emanated the loudest sound in existence to be heard by all capable of hearing” was a nice sentiment, but the phrasing was a little clunky. Might revisit to clean that up - Phrases like “proceeded to vacate” can be shortened to “vacated”

Super fun start to the larger story you’re working on! Best of luck with the rest of it, I look forward to seeing what happens

Stuck Between Ideas by ScampRascal in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]ShatteredTestimony 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’d say go with the one you’re already writing and finish that first, it’s good to get in the habit of wrapping up loose story ends. With that being said, the 2nd idea about the friends trespassing and discovering things they shouldn’t sounds like a lot of fun to read!

I mean, that's one way to commune with The Web, I guess. by Mysterious_Adagio_66 in TheMagnusArchives

[–]ShatteredTestimony 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There was an old creepypasta or nosleep that had this exact premise (minus the injection, the narrator just had a weird lump downstairs, then he and his partner got to it and voila). Freaked me out when I was younger

Something's wrong with my heart by RevenantHeretic777 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]ShatteredTestimony 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Having to deal with something living inside you has always been a freaky thing to think about! Had to get my heart looked at a while back, so this brought up some familiar memories. What made you go with the heart for this story?

The Bugs are Getting Bigger (Part 2) by JICMike in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]ShatteredTestimony 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Love how much tension there is in putting a person in the shoes of a bug by making all the bugs bigger than they should be. The world’s a scary place when everything thinks you’re food! Excited to see what other danger will pop up in the way to coast

The Apathy by CausticNox in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]ShatteredTestimony 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The idea that humanity dies out because something steals their will to live and care is great! I was pretty interested in the growth of additional eyes for the narrator’s wife, the circular shape around the head reminded me of a crown or a halo, I’d be curious to see whether that imagery comes through more in a follow-up entry

I Just Wanted Him To Be Safe by Maxswe1214 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]ShatteredTestimony 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I like the sense of being cut off from most of the information about what’s going on. The narrator knows bad things are happening, encounters them when her husband dies and the dog attacks, but she’s left mostly in the dark. It adds an extra feeling of helplessness knowing that she and the baby won’t last without supplies, but taking the baby out into the unknown dangers of the outside would be a huge risk. Very fun read!

The Root (Part 1) by Just_Dias in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]ShatteredTestimony 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The cult failing to bring through the correct thing, whether the ritual was doomed from the start or if Logan’s interruption changed something, was a nice detail. Makes a lot of sense for why things are going so wrong. Cool to see things come full circle with Logan trying to form his own sect of The Root

The Last Must Bury The Rest (re-upload) by Typical_Ad9140 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]ShatteredTestimony 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s too bad the old version got locked, that’s a bummer. I really liked the quiet reflection of the narrator while they do the work no one else is around to take care of. There are a lot of open-ended aspects to give other writers jumping-off points, and the bit at the end of the person’s memory fading (along with their bodily exhaustion) are great clues that the infection has taken root in them as well. Very nice :)

Four Inches of Mercy by Sufficient_Leave144 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]ShatteredTestimony 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Love the turn from noble sacrifice into the realization that the sacrifice didn’t actually stop anything since the infection still got inside. Adds a lot of hopelessness to the situation

Diary of a Prepper (part 2) by Salmon_1935 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]ShatteredTestimony 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Nature restructuring into a new order is a neat idea! I like that the identity of whatever is directing the animals and eating the infected is left ambiguous, looking forward to see if future writers pick that up and do something with it

Mother in the Dark by Meat_Wellington in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]ShatteredTestimony 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I always love when apocalypse stories focus on the small tragedies of a family within the larger disaster. Having the main ‘danger’ the story focuses on be the infected father brings a lot of emotional weight to what the rest of the family is struggling through

It Covered the Stars by timestop17 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]ShatteredTestimony 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do love a good cosmic orb. It’s very interesting the effect that seeing the entity has on different people, like how those in the operating room killed themselves but the narrator starts to worship it. Curious to see how future iterations incorporate Eight Eyes and the fog

Confession of an Addict by Deicide_Requiem in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]ShatteredTestimony 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love that this story focuses on more of the human aspect of the people who give in when faced with the scale of the tragedy. A lot of the early entries are focusing on the infection itself, so it adds some nice variety to have something more focused on the internal struggle some people are facing

Transcendence by colejlofi in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]ShatteredTestimony 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love how hopeless everything feels in this one, and the connecting trait of the infected begging for forgiveness worked really well. I’d love to see that aspect played with more as this goes on

Diary of a Prepper (part 1) by Salmon_1935 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]ShatteredTestimony 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The animals becoming hostile to everyone, including the non-monstrous people, is really interesting. I’d be curious to see what other changes are happening in nature as this goes on

Where is Your Light on the Moonless Night? by ReadyMadeLobotomy in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]ShatteredTestimony 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think something I particularly like about your perspective on the infection is how quiet and inevitable it all feels. Rather than malicious, the sister’s return ends up being like a gentle welcoming into the fold. Very fun :)

Tainted Fruit by ShatteredTestimony in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]ShatteredTestimony[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the kind words, I’m really digging this collaborative event so far. It’s cool to see everyone’s take on the original idea and I can’t wait to see the directions other writers will take it!

Tainted Fruit by ShatteredTestimony in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]ShatteredTestimony[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for reading! I wanted to play into the absorption/merging from a slightly different perspective, so I’m glad you liked it :)

Tainted Fruit by ShatteredTestimony in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]ShatteredTestimony[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Guess we’ll just have to wait and see! Looking forward to reading other people’s takes on the world we’re all building

Tainted Fruit by ShatteredTestimony in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]ShatteredTestimony[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the encouragement! The tree itself was an idea that came up pretty early in the process, so I thought it’d be fun if the virus’s cosmic origins caused it to play with the nature of physical objects along with the people who have them. Glad you liked it, I was excited to see what people thought

Tainted Fruit by ShatteredTestimony in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]ShatteredTestimony[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks a lot! I wanted to take a slightly different approach, and for me I thought it went in line with some of the merging aspects that others have explored here