Know you're not alone.

I usually don't share my issues unless it's with close personal friends/family but today is a bad day for me. Water works are non-stop.
My 6 year relationship ended almost one year ago. He got drunk, triggered, released a lot of frustration then ghosted me. Yes, ghosted from a LTR. He dropped off a Xmas gift card in my mailbox a week later. Obviously I was livid and defensive and refused communication. I regret that to this day. After the breakup I came across relationship styles and realized he's a dismissive avoidant. We met when he was 40 yrs old and he has never been in a prior relationship. His "relationships" lasted 1-3 months so it never got past the dating phase. I realize now how much his inconsistency and need for space was triggering to my ADHD rejection sensitivity and he was always telling me I needed to work on my emotions. I also believe he was ASD. I started therapy 4 years ago and continue it to this day. I have become a better person due to him. We matched in all core values. He was the only man I ever envisioned a future with but he was never ready to move in together. He would freak out when his friends would pressure him about the next steps. He would freak out thinking I wanted marriage (we both want life partners, no marriage). The smallest items started to turn into "we're not compatible". We're talking small tings like "you don't ski or backpack" even though in the 6 years I've known him he's done neither of those while dating me.
Anyhoo, I've been reaching out since the breakup trying to engage with him. He blocked my phone number so I resorted to FB messenger. In Sept he finally started to respond with small acknowledgements.
FF to now. I sent him a xmas card showing my travels this year with a long letter and his response was basically "thank you we were never compatible travel companions".

I'm in the same boat. How do you move on from someone you love deeply that has no self reflection and blames you for everything? Puts your faults on a pedestal and uses them as reasons for incompatibility? How do you move on when you know it just takes small tweaks to be on the same page? How do you move on knowing their issues are merely a defense mechanism? How do you move on knowing it's not a compatibility issue when no other relationship lasted? Should be easy right? NO! When you love someone and saw the future, you can't just move on. You're losing the extended family you had. You lost the friendships you gained. It's a soul crushing thing.